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What age can children decide?

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  • #31
    Okay and this is where the law comes into play...At 14 they can move in with a neighbour if they want to without parental consent If the neighbour agrees and doesnt help them,and they are NOT romantically involved and over the age of 18, the 14 year old can say I dont like it at my parents house they are being unfair and forcing me to do something I dont want to, so perfect you punish your chils and they run and go live somwhere else....

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    • #32
      Which again comes back to the question of do you have THAT little control over the child?

      If he decided he wasn't going to school, would that be the end of it?

      If he decided not to do his homework, or do his chores would that be the end of it?

      Are you so unable to reason with him at 14 that he's allowed sole decision making power over his own life and throwing what amounts to a temper tantrum gets his own way every time?

      If you are answering YES to any of the above, then the ex (assuming half a brain and/or half stable here, which automatically precludes YOUR specific situation I believe) CAN make a try for custody based on your inability to properly PARENT the child and your unwillingness to enforce the order.

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      • #33
        I understand NBD but truly even if you have control if your child knows his or her rights, anyone that wants to try for custody can....but ultimately IF the child just up and moves out they are well within their legal rights to do so.

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        • #34
          At 14 IF they meet the criteria of moving in with someone over 18 not a thing anyone can do

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          • #35
            Attending school and doing homework or chores is different..legally they have to attend school no matter what but you cant frce em to do their homework...thats for them to decide they will either do well or they will fail...If they arent living at home with you because they left its out of your hands anyways

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            • #36
              I find it ironic in a way...My Husband's, sons, mother actually left home and emancipated herself to move in with my now husband at 15, this is a child who lives with one parent he hasnt run away, but doesnt want anything to do with his mom right now....He feels she moved away from him and its not his fault, he is ding well in school and focussed on what he needs for his own growth and development I salute him

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              • #37
                And for the record in our situation there was a shared care 50/50 agreement until she moved

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                • #38
                  I find it interesting reading the posts on this topic.
                  My son, at the age of 14 says going out to his mothers house which is in a very isolated area, he says he feels like he is pressured there and in some ways he feels because of his relationship with his Mother that its like being in a concentration camp with her being the terrorist. He says that his room is like a completely different home within the home there and he just stays in there.

                  His Mother says I should force him to go out there anyway. He says he does not wish to since he knows what she is like and how he feels around her. He says he hopes things change over time but for now he does not wish to be around her in order for his own emotional well being.

                  Now, since he has not been FORCED to go out there, he has gone from a "C" / "D" average in school to a "B" / "B+", he is enrolled in cross country running, a few school clubs, before school music practice and he has gone from a very depressed personality to a happy and forward thinking and mature personality and has enrolled himself into regular counselling.

                  So, with that said, should I stop allowing him at the age of 14 to make this choice and FORCE him to go out to his Mother's where he will most likely start to revert back to old unhealthy habits?

                  Now, if I have a child that is 14 and is unruly and a difficult teen to begin with in both my home and his mother's home, then maybe not only should I highly encourage him/her to go there but maybe I'd enjoy the freedom and want the break away from this continual teen/parent battle.

                  FOOD FOR THOUGHT. I think I'm doing a darn good job at parenting but I'm open to hear viewpoints of others. So, thank you for all the different views.

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                  • #39
                    Okay I will add a scenario to this...Child forced, gets depressed and comits suicide....Is this in child's best interests I am sure that this has happened

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                    • #40
                      It sounds like your son has improved a lot in your home. I can understand his reluctance to go to his mothers, but as his father, you have to keep asking him until the court order is changed.

                      What do his counsellors say about it?

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                      • #41
                        We do we tell him he should go there he should call etc we encourage it but we cant force....COnsellors say hes okay, doing much better, and he did tell them he wants to rebuild relationship in future with her...but he has a lot of anger towards her rignt now

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
                          At 14 IF they meet the criteria of moving in with someone over 18 not a thing anyone can do
                          Then the person whom they moved in with would carry the burden of enforcing the court order until said order is changed.

                          The order is in regards to the child, and the onus to enforce the court order would transfer to the new "legal guardian" with the child. Would it change if the CP died and the CP's parents (for some reason) became the legal guardians for the child? No, the grandparents would be obligated to enforce the order as it reads until it is changed.

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                          • #43
                            HIs mom packed up his room there so even if he wanted to go he has NO room at her house

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                            • #44
                              Okay Hammer the question is still if the CHILD refuses, what is anyone going to do?

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                              • #45
                                Are we honestly saying if a child is that adimate about not havingaccess we are going to forch him her anyways ...to what extent, until they commit suicide, keeping running from guardian to guardian, or a runaway shelter where is the line drawn?

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