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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #41  
Old 05-01-2020, 01:06 AM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Originally Posted by Abba435 View Post
res ipsa loquitur amigo
In Canada the doctrine of res ipsa loquitur has been largely overturned by the Supreme Court. In case of Fontaine v. British Columbia (Official Administrator) the Court rejected the use of res ipsa loquitur and instead proposed the rule that once the plaintiff has proven that the harm was under exclusive control of the defendant and that they were not contributorily negligent a tactical burden is placed on the defendant in which the judge has the discretion to infer negligence unless the defendant can produce evidence to the contrary.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Res_ipsa_loquitur
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  #42  
Old 05-01-2020, 06:08 AM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Colloquial usage
Thanks for this
Interesting
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  #43  
Old 05-01-2020, 11:00 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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I didn't read the whole thread, but I did read a bunch of the earlier post and agree with Rockscan, Janus and Tayken.

My ex used to constantly send passive aggressive emails full of BS with a tidbit information relevant to our kid. Initially I would push back against all of her snide comments, saying they are unnecessary and untrue etc. That got tiresome and was counter productive as the ex fed off of that as she knew it got under my skin. I moved to simply only replying to issues relating to the children. If there was a text or email with a bunch of garbage with "D can be picked up at X time", I learned to ignore the garbage and say I would be there at X time.

I would continue to use email. I would only use text messages if absolutely necessary. If the ex texts you with some BS, but it also has a sliver of kid stuff in it, email her back (don't text) replying only to the kid information.

The ex is creating conflict she knows you will get you to over react because that is what the pattern has always been. They are trying to create a scenario where you guys cannot communicate in order to gain sole custody. Don't allow her to drag you down into that mess because court is generally a crap shoot and expensive. You need to communicate. You need to learn to ignore the BS and grow thicker skin. If you don't you will end up taking your chances in court.

As for the ex making decisions that go against the joint custody order, I would email them in a professional manner saying that you "don't agree with their unilateral decision to do X". That the court order requires to both to agree on such matters, or in the alternative seek mediation or arbitration. That their unilateral decision is contrary to the court order and that the cease taking such actions/making such decisions or you will seek to remedy it through the appropriate means.

Now the above doesn't mean you get to disagree with everything the ex does. If it is something you actually agree, but just don't agree with being left out of the decision you say as much. You say, While I am ultimately in agreement with X, I don't agree with your unilateral approach to this decision contrary to the court order.

What you need to do is be the bigger person while documenting their pattern of unilateral decisions/actions.
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  #44  
Old 05-01-2020, 12:09 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
I didn't read the whole thread, but I did read a bunch of the earlier post and agree with Rockscan, Janus and Tayken.

My ex used to constantly send passive aggressive emails full of BS with a tidbit information relevant to our kid. Initially I would push back against all of her snide comments, saying they are unnecessary and untrue etc. That got tiresome and was counter productive as the ex fed off of that as she knew it got under my skin. I moved to simply only replying to issues relating to the children. If there was a text or email with a bunch of garbage with "D can be picked up at X time", I learned to ignore the garbage and say I would be there at X time.

I would continue to use email. I would only use text messages if absolutely necessary. If the ex texts you with some BS, but it also has a sliver of kid stuff in it, email her back (don't text) replying only to the kid information.

The ex is creating conflict she knows you will get you to over react because that is what the pattern has always been. They are trying to create a scenario where you guys cannot communicate in order to gain sole custody. Don't allow her to drag you down into that mess because court is generally a crap shoot and expensive. You need to communicate. You need to learn to ignore the BS and grow thicker skin. If you don't you will end up taking your chances in court.

As for the ex making decisions that go against the joint custody order, I would email them in a professional manner saying that you "don't agree with their unilateral decision to do X". That the court order requires to both to agree on such matters, or in the alternative seek mediation or arbitration. That their unilateral decision is contrary to the court order and that the cease taking such actions/making such decisions or you will seek to remedy it through the appropriate means.

Now the above doesn't mean you get to disagree with everything the ex does. If it is something you actually agree, but just don't agree with being left out of the decision you say as much. You say, While I am ultimately in agreement with X, I don't agree with your unilateral approach to this decision contrary to the court order.

What you need to do is be the bigger person while documenting their pattern of unilateral decisions/actions.
You are actually agreeing with every single thing I did. And it still ended up at trial. You cannot force someone to be reasonable and to act in good faith.

People seem to have entirely missed the TEMPORARY use of letters. About 6 months over an 8 year period and that was 5 years ago. I think many stop reading on these forums (and on social media) and do not reflect and just start typing. I am likely as guilty as any. Nature of the medium.

My main point was there is no reason that I can think of that justifies insulting people no matter if anonymous or not. But that is just me maybe. Call me thin skinned, stupid, obsessed whatever. That actually reflects on the writer more than on me personally. It has no bearing on the fact I am confident did the right things for my kids 99% of the time. Anyone can disagree if they choose. Type away.

Thanks for the comments, they reinforce my conduct and decisions and reflect very much how I chose to deal with the mayhem.

The take away is separation agreements and court orders cannot enforce reasonable conduct. When faced with what I have (seemingly incorrectly) termed verbal abuse the best option is to reply (if at all) with brief, firm, factual, informative and friendly language always in the interests of the children. It made for good exhibits at trial. As did the lawyer's letters and other compelling (I hope) documents.

For those that have been through this forums like this are very valuable and I appreciate you taking the time to chime in. Wishing everyone safety and security in this pandemic and otherwise.

Last edited by Abba435; 05-01-2020 at 12:12 PM.
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  #45  
Old 05-01-2020, 12:55 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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You are correct, you cannot force someone to be reasonable. All you can do is control your own actions. Don't take anything I am saying personally, you know your ex better than us. We are just setting out our thoughts on how to deal with her, while giving yourself the most ammo and different ways to save your mental health from the craziness.

And I did note that the use of letters was temporary. I also think, temporary or not, it is a poor decision simply because inhibits communication, or at least gives the appearance that it inhibits communication. I think using email primarily allows you to save the emails for future reference and use in court.

If your ex insults you, as mine did as well, simply reply that such comments are not necessary or constructive. That you request that all communication be strictly child centric and that she refrain from insults, as you won't reply to anything that includes insulting/demeaning comments. That you don't make such comments to her, you expect the same consideration in return. Then you do exactly that.

I know you know this - and I don't want to come off as sounding demeaning to you, as I do know you know this - but the more she sends that sort of BS the more ammo you have. I changed my position from trying to reply and retort every comment she made to simply saving the email and ignoring the BS. The more unhinged they are, the better off you are should you end up in court and casually lay out the emails for the judge showing them that the ex is abusive/ combative etc. and that you are doing your best to work through that.
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  #46  
Old 05-01-2020, 01:22 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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You are preaching to the choir.
I would advise anyone to do as I did other than the temporary use of letters.
The trial is over.
Waiting in the ruling.
Others have already punched the crap over me on this.
As before thank you for the advice. I hope others can benefit.
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  #47  
Old 05-05-2020, 12:15 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Colloquial usage
Thanks for this
Interesting
Not sure when Latin has ever been used in the "common style". But, nice try.
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  #48  
Old 05-05-2020, 12:21 PM
Abba435 Abba435 is offline
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If you are just looking for arguments so be it.
Too bad people take license anonymously.
I really have much better things to do than to try to instigate you, one up you or insult you.
Your knowledge and insight are obviously value added and always welcome.
Your attitude is frankly what I teach my kids to avoid.
Let the insults fly - or maybe reflect on this.
Take care of yourself.
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  #49  
Old 05-05-2020, 02:01 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I insisted on receiving faxed hand-written communication from my ex for a while. That way I knew it was him (and not the g/f) responding. People nowadays don't own fax machines though.... pity.

.... just my 2 cents worth
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  #50  
Old 05-05-2020, 08:53 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I insisted on receiving faxed hand-written communication from my ex for a while. That way I knew it was him (and not the g/f) responding. People nowadays don't own fax machines though.... pity.

.... just my 2 cents worth
Worth every cent :-)
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