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  • How long is OCL decision recognized

    Mom served us a couple of years ago with papers outlining how she should have sole custody (50-50 split custody for 10 years to that point). She asked the the OCL to be involved. We agreed. OCL found that the 50-50 should remain, along with a change of schedule and mediation for continuing issues. In the report he lists no negatives associated with our home or conduct. The children wished to remain with both parents on an equal basis. There were numerous negative things about Mom's home. eg; no bed times, both kids and mom sleep together every night on the couch, improper nutrition, no rules, mom bribing the kids to like it better there. He said that if mom and dad could share custody it would be best to let things remain the same. Mom eventually dropped the court action because there was no way to win.
    Now... there have been a few changes in circumstance at mom's and we feel that a change is in order.
    My question is; can we use the OCL report from last year in our own case? Would it be given similar weight?
    cheers!

  • #2
    When you say "he" I presume you mean the OCL clinical investigator.

    The report was prepared a year ago and you are now suggesting that "things have changed" at Mom's house? How? If they have changed that suggests that the report may be stale.

    What kind of change are you looking for?

    Comment


    • #3
      He the investigator was "he." The changes have not had anything to do with the problems at mom's house that he suggested be remedied. She refused to try any of the suggestions at all.
      The change is mainly in her schedule and the logistics of school. Since she dropped the action she has gone on the night shift and left the children in her mother's care on her nights (on weekdays). Her mother is the only one of the 3 homes that is in their current school district. Over the summer her mother moved out of town. Mom got the children to lie to us about where she had moved (2 minutes down the street really close to school was what she told them to say). Meanwhile they are 2 towns away! Mom continues to drop them off at Grandma's for the night... then Grandma gets them up and takes them to a babysitter near the school so that she can be at work at 6:45. She was keeping this from us because we would have asked to change schools, had we known. And I think that we would have been able to, as she can't have them in her own home alone.

      So the OCL report saying the negative things about her parenting, coupled with the obvious running around for the kids... not to mention that they will have to change schools anyway next year... it might help us a bit.

      We would like to have the overnights when mom is working. We would like to keep it as close to 50-50 as possible. Maybe 2 weekends for mom for every one for us... We would really like to be named primary residence and be able to send the kids to school in our district, as we have a very stable environment for them. I am home until the children go to school. Dad is home before they are done school (both work days). The school in our district is 2km away from mom, dad & my work. This makes it easy for mom to continue her access days. Truth of it is that mom lying to both the school and dad, and involving the children in that lie... obviously she is not able to do what is in their best interest. Going to school in a stable district where they actually spend time and would be able to have a life and friends of their own certainly be a good start.

      Sorry for the ramble!

      Comment


      • #4
        The OCL will not take this case based on what you say. I wouldn't bother, plus which it will be 3-4 months before they even tell you that, at which time it will not be in the kids best interest to switch schools.

        I would bring a (n emergency?) motion to advise the court that the children are out of district at their school, that they have been instructed to fabricate stories about where people are living in order to facilitate their continued attendance there, and that due to mom's shift work, and more importantly your ability to provide a stable, honest schedule, the children should be legally re-registered NOW in a school in your cachement area.

        Use the OCL report as backup as to the other side's inability to be truthful and to give credibility to your affidavit claims that the children were asked to lie to their parent.

        Remain child centred at all times. Do not dwell on the other side's character except to factually say they caused the chidren to lie to you.

        If you really wanted to be a prick about this, you could give the school your court ordered custody/access agreement (guessing the school already has that) and advise the school that the kids are out of district. But that would not be a child centred solution.

        My ex pulled that one and had our kid booted from the school. I can't tell you how upsetting it was for me to watch a child's own parent have her kid kicked out of school. Thankfully I was able to smooth that whole crisis over, but not without a GREAT deal or emotional and financial expense.

        Comment


        • #5
          Going to try to keep them in the same school for this year - in spite of a 1/2 hour drive to the babysitters at 5:45AM from both homes... can't believe that she would put them through a year of that - just to make sure they aren't in our school district. Sad. But we don't want them to know how angry we are at her for doing this - or even know why she did it. They don't have a clue at the moment... just think its weird that mom didn't want dad to know where they were staying. Personally I think it would be best for them to change schools now before we get any further into the school year but dad wants them to stay at their current school, as to not upset them.

          As far as not saying anything about the other side's character... would love to rant and rave about all sorts of things... but at the end of the day the only thing that I will say over and over again is that she is obviously unable to put the kids interests first. Hopefully her latest stunt will at least give us the primary residence and final decision making, then all I have to try to do is be as good as we can for the kids and not sweat the small stuff!

          Thank you for the advise. I love the way you phrased
          "advise the court that the children are out of district at their school, that they have been instructed to fabricate stories about where people are living in order to facilitate their continued attendance there, and that due to mom's shift work, and more importantly your ability to provide a stable, honest schedule, the children should be legally re-registered NOW in a school in your cachement area."

          We have done emails, registered letters and got one or two words of response - no and no. So off to start a motion next week argh...

          Just one more question - Would this qualify as an emergency motion?

          thanks

          Comment


          • #6
            It's not an issue of safety so I don't think it would. Go the the FLIC office and they could tell you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Keep them in that same school------>Move near it.

              Comment


              • #8
                my parents moved us when I was in my last year of public school. I knew no one and all the little groups were already formed because those kids had known each other since they first started school. My grades went down drastically and I made it by the skin of my teeth to Grade 9. I was so unhappy in that school. For my brother it was better becaus he was in his second year of high school and the one he changed to he knew alot of kids there from public school and it was a better school.

                Comment


                • #9
                  It is grounds for emergency motion. Children are being taught to lie to teachers, to peers, to keep secrets from parents...grrrrrrrrrr

                  How old are they?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Sorry never saw the last few posts...

                    IPP: The children are 9 & 11. Mom has now obviously met with a lawyer and written us a letter stating that she did not get the children to lie to us... we have some proof though... She emailed the address to us 1.5 months AFTER there was an obit in the newspaper listing her mother as "so&so from the town of <INSERT town new>." And the children are 9 & 11 - completely old enough to be aware that when you go out of a housing area drive through the country for 10 minutes, go through another housing area, drive past cows & country for another 10 minutes that they are not 5 minutes down the road from their school, as they told us. Brutal eh?

                    StandingOnTheSidelines: We are not trying to change their school this year... Next year when the eldest would be going to the jr.high would cause the least disruption.

                    So now... After we sent the registered letter mom switched back to the day shift (for the moment we think). Managed to get her shift to start and hour later so that the kids would be in her home for their overnights with her (about 15 minutes from the babysitter).

                    Now we have 2 problems.
                    1. Mom is ignoring all requests to let us know what shift she is on - so we have no idea where the children are in case of emergencies, or a phone number to reach them at. The children know something is going on and we don't want to ask them anything about their mom... or times... or grandma, in short, it is in the best interests of the kids to work out this crap between the adults.

                    2. Mom asked us at the beginning of the school year if she could pick up the kids after school (she was on nights and was able) on our days as well. They had been going to the babysitter for 1/2 hour before dad got there... Now that she is on the day shift she can't make it to the school for the end of the day. She gets off of work 15 minutes earlier than dad and they both work within a 2 minute drive of each other... so dad said that he would like the children to go to the babysitter again because the children are too young to leave alone with no adult nearby (no family in the school district). Mom now says that dad is "bossing her around." Thankfully this was all written communication and dad's communication was completely child centred and only concerned their custody time with him. Hers was a 3 second rant about how bossy he is. (imagine that bossing her around about his own time with the children) And as far as we know the kids are left to their own devices while waiting for her after school (illegal). Luckily the cold and snow isn't too far away - so they will force mom to send them to the babysitter themselves likely before we could ever get a court to do it.

                    So the only solution we can come up with is to make sure the kids are properly cared for during our own custody time and hope that mom is doing the same. We are going for a consult with a lawyer friend soon to get some ideas of where to go from here. In the meantime we keep asking for a change in the schedule to something that is in the best interests of the children than the current day on day off (mom says that she wouldn't be able to handle not seeing them every day - back when the OCL recommended it the kids said that the week about sounded great until mom bawled about how hard it was going to be and how sad they would all be without each other - now their answer is "mom says no.") and 3 houses that are their homes!

                    I would assume that we will be filing for change of custody to be their primary residence with final decision on the school, due to her own needs above the best interests of the children, her unstable schedule and the lying. As I stated in previous posts the kids are happy in both homes and we have no wish to change the 50-50 access. We would like to have a stable school week with a better arranged access schedule to account for mom's constantly changing work shifts and hours.

                    If anyone has any other ideas let me know!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by lumpy View Post
                      If anyone has any other ideas let me know!
                      Yeah, by leaving them at that school, you are giving implied consent to a status quo that will hurt you down the road.

                      Comment

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