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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #31  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:53 PM
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Can someone please explain - what exactly, in the context of this post specifically, is a "behaviour contract?"

How is it enforced? A few examples?

Thank-you
  #32  
Old 07-26-2012, 05:57 PM
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I challenge you to show me where I support removing herself from troubled kids life. There you go again blink - incorrectly stating things. Actually I'd go father than that and say you are a blatant liar blinkandimgone. How dare you continue to misquote me.

Last edited by Mess; 07-26-2012 at 08:37 PM.
  #33  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:01 PM
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Rain down on me if you like, but I believe in "Action/Reaction" and I wouldn't be able to put up with what my friend has. Her son punched her in the head once too. Not very long ago. Yup, there'd be a big big problem if that happened at my house. The teen needs counseling asap. The parents need to agree that he needs help or he will undoubtedly end up in jail, or worse.

Last edited by hadenough; 07-26-2012 at 06:06 PM.
  #34  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
.... I think you made the correct decision to do what you have done.
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
....You are the boss of your world. You are doing the right thing.
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
You have every right to tell your son he cannot come to your house unless he agrees to your rules. You are doing the right thing here. He is not a baby. He can stay at his dad's place or at a youth shelter. This is tough love. I am sure that it was very, very difficult for you. Most important thing is that your son know all of the rules/conditions (don't rely on your ex to inform him) and that you love him. Stay the course.
At a youth shelter? Really?

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Mother is well within her rights to do this. ...
Really? And she's already said she would never make this choice if she were the only parent. She is legally responsible for him at his age and should be just that: responsible. Dad is in the picture so she should be EQUALLY responsible instead of washing her hands of the child and leaving it up to dad to handle.

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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I challenge you to show me where I support removing herself from troubled kids life. There you go again blink - incorrectly stating things. Actually I'd go father than that and say you are a blatant liar blinkandimgone. How dare you continue to misquote me.

You are supposed to be a moderator. Why do you continually try to pick fights with so many people.
So there's a number of posts where you support it. Quoted, not misquoted. Opine away, I don't care. Yes, I dare to quote you, and disagree with you.

Have a great day!
  #35  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:11 PM
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Mother needs to protect herself from further abuse. She did the right thing. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her son, or that she is kicking him about of her life - she is just kicking him out of the house until he can agree to live by the rules and I believe she said until he can show that he can be trusted again. Zero tolerance for abuse is a healthy standard. I think it is doubtful that the kid will get counselling unless the father agrees to it. Maybe, just maybe, the father will now stop and give his head a shake and get the kid some help. Yes he will look like the big hero in the end but who cares?
  #36  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Mother needs to protect herself from further abuse. She did the right thing. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her son, or that she is kicking him about of her life - she is just kicking him out of the house until he can agree to live by the rules and I believe she said until he can show that he can be trusted again. Zero tolerance for abuse is a healthy standard. I think it is doubtful that the kid will get counselling unless the father agrees to it. Maybe, just maybe, the father will now stop and give his head a shake and get the kid some help. Yes he will look like the big hero in the end but who cares?
Which she states would be an unacceptable course of action if the father were not there as a fallback. Why would it be acceptable now?
  #37  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:14 PM
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Blink I don't think your boring little tactics impress anyone. People on this forum are quite capable of reading the posts. Why don't you let the people who are having a discussion on this thread continue on. In other words, go find resourcefulness or slughead, or some ex-wives to amuse yourself with.

We desperately need a new, mature moderator on this forum.
  #38  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:20 PM
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Monymonkey: I am so very sorry that you wrote into this forum for some advice and you had to put up with the very distasteful antics of one of our moderators. I hope you do post again and let us know how things turn out for you. There are thousands of people who view this forum and the few rude responses you received do not represent the views of everyone.
  #39  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Mother needs to protect herself from further abuse. She did the right thing. Doesn't mean she doesn't love her son, or that she is kicking him about of her life - she is just kicking him out of the house until he can agree to live by the rules and I believe she said until he can show that he can be trusted again. Zero tolerance for abuse is a healthy standard. I think it is doubtful that the kid will get counselling unless the father agrees to it. Maybe, just maybe, the father will now stop and give his head a shake and get the kid some help. Yes he will look like the big hero in the end but who cares?
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Can someone please explain - what exactly, in the context of this post specifically, is a "behaviour contract?"

How is it enforced? A few examples?

Thank-you
Behaviour contracts are one of the most commonly recommended tools by behavioural psychologists in managing problem issues with a family between parents and kids, especially teens.

They can be VERY effective if approached properly and followed through on consistently by the parents. Getting the kid involved in designing it allows them an element of control and contribution and can help them feel 'heard', as we know one of the most common laments from teens is "my parents never listen to me!" and " you just don't get it!" and let's not forget...."that's so un-FAIR!"

Here's a fairly detailed explanation of what it is, how to get started and some samples:

Behavioral Home Contracts

There are all kinds of sample ones, blank ones and printable ones for all different kinds of situations from curfew to chores to social media, sibling behaviour and skipping school. It's a fantastic way for parents to initiate conversation with teens so they can open up more, talk about how they feel, what they think is fair to expect from them and also what they think fair consequences are. Incorporating all of that encourages buy-in from the teen and they KNOW what the rewards/consequences are for their choices since it's all put in writing and signed.

It works less well if it is written by the parent and handed to the kid in a dictatorial manner as they tend to feel like it's being forced on them. And we all know teens hate that.
  #40  
Old 07-26-2012, 06:24 PM
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Ten steps back, everyone. Aside from our obvious differences in parenting styles (a given, really) - what are the solutions?

I have limited experience with this. Only what I've observed. For the OP's benefit, as well as my friend - who truly has tried everything - what are the solutions?

Okay, so one can lock up alcohol, car keys etc. That's not dealing with the root of the problem. A parent shouldn't have to hide alcohol and car keys. Where there's a will, there's a way - and a kid hell-bent on finding trouble will find it.

Edit: thank you for the link on contracts. I will forward it to my friend.
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