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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

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  #21  
Old 09-12-2019, 04:12 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
It just happened a few weeks ago.. alas.

Also, I had the kids this year, couldn't go anyway. I desperately would love for them to love it, but I'm not sure if they are geeky enough. A clear failure of parenting on my part of course.
epic fail. (edited to add: i'm only kidding)

next year- we'll be there as spider gwen and mini spider gwen. (or captain marvel + miss marvel)

Also- I've gone before- not in costume. There's so much fun stuff to do there that I think kids would love it even if they're not into geek culture.

Last edited by iona6656; 09-12-2019 at 04:42 PM.
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  #22  
Old 09-12-2019, 04:29 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Iona! You and Janus can go!!
that's a bit 'breaking the fourth wall' / 'red pill' for me.

lol.
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  #23  
Old 09-12-2019, 04:42 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
that's a bit 'breaking the fourth wall' / 'red pill' for me.



lol.


Haha Ive made a couple of good friends on this forum!!
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  #24  
Old 09-13-2019, 12:41 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Haha Ive made a couple of good friends on this forum!!
that's really cool actually. And I have a few friends I've met boarding through the years.

I have a good friend I met boarding on an underground hip-hop message board almost 15 years ago. We're still really good friends today even though he lives in NYC. We were both finishing law school/articling at the time we met. We've known each other now our entire careers. It's crazy.
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  #25  
Old 09-13-2019, 01:14 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Yep, met a couple on a old forum years ago and are still friends 15 years later! In this day and age its more likely to meet people online than off!
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  #26  
Old 09-13-2019, 07:46 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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I would say once it is clearly defined that you are an item to slowly get into some details where necessary.

Just donít make the mistake I did and not say anything. I was in an abusive relationship for some time many years ago. I never really spoke of it much- the actual relationship didnít last very long and I thought I got over everything fairly quickly. Nope.
One night my current partner and I are taking a shower together and he playfully flicks water in my face. I started BALLING my eyes out. I couldnít control it. He knew that my relationship prior to my daughterís father hadnít been good, but I never said how bad. So once I calmed down enough, I had to explain to him that it caused this really weird reaction in me because it gave me flashbacks to when my ex would throw cups of water in my face. He was like ummmmm WTF?!? Now heís extra careful to not even splash me if weíre at a beach with the kids.
And then another time, quite recently actually, we got into an argument and he started to raise his voice while standing in our bedroom doorway. Nothing crazy aggressive or threatening. But it completely triggered me. I have never felt something like this in my life. I crumpled into a ball on the floor and could barely breath. I was absolutely crippled with completely unreasonable fear. Iíve never had any issues with mental health/anxiety/what have you, but Iím guessing that is what a panic attack feels like. My partner immediately stopped yelling and came down on the floor beside me, which made me panic even more. He just looked at me for a second and then said ďItís because of your ex isnít it?Ē (He used to rip the phone cord out of the wall, hide the phone so I couldnít call for help, standin the doorway and physically block me from going anywhere, all while screaming at me)

Itís been like 10 years since that relationship and that shit still pops up on me when Iím least expecting it. If you get to the point where you are reaalllyy serious with someone (like moving in together) itís definitely something you should go into full detail about. Iíve only had reactions like these 3-4 times in the 4 years my partner and I have been together, but it would have been a lot less confusing for him if I just told him the history earlier
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  #27  
Old 09-14-2019, 10:27 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Damn. Thank you for sharing.....a lot of what you said feels triggering tbh.

I know youíre right that I have to share once things get serious. I guess my question is more about casual dating. I just donít feel like I need to share those details, yet. Moot point anyways cause I donít think itís going anywhere.
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  #28  
Old 09-14-2019, 12:04 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Selfrepmom View Post
I would say once it is clearly defined that you are an item to slowly get into some details where necessary.



Just donít make the mistake I did and not say anything. I was in an abusive relationship for some time many years ago. I never really spoke of it much- the actual relationship didnít last very long and I thought I got over everything fairly quickly. Nope.

One night my current partner and I are taking a shower together and he playfully flicks water in my face. I started BALLING my eyes out. I couldnít control it. He knew that my relationship prior to my daughterís father hadnít been good, but I never said how bad. So once I calmed down enough, I had to explain to him that it caused this really weird reaction in me because it gave me flashbacks to when my ex would throw cups of water in my face. He was like ummmmm WTF?!? Now heís extra careful to not even splash me if weíre at a beach with the kids.

And then another time, quite recently actually, we got into an argument and he started to raise his voice while standing in our bedroom doorway. Nothing crazy aggressive or threatening. But it completely triggered me. I have never felt something like this in my life. I crumpled into a ball on the floor and could barely breath. I was absolutely crippled with completely unreasonable fear. Iíve never had any issues with mental health/anxiety/what have you, but Iím guessing that is what a panic attack feels like. My partner immediately stopped yelling and came down on the floor beside me, which made me panic even more. He just looked at me for a second and then said ďItís because of your ex isnít it?Ē (He used to rip the phone cord out of the wall, hide the phone so I couldnít call for help, standin the doorway and physically block me from going anywhere, all while screaming at me)



Itís been like 10 years since that relationship and that shit still pops up on me when Iím least expecting it. If you get to the point where you are reaalllyy serious with someone (like moving in together) itís definitely something you should go into full detail about. Iíve only had reactions like these 3-4 times in the 4 years my partner and I have been together, but it would have been a lot less confusing for him if I just told him the history earlier


Thatís PTSD. Your reaction is from a trigger. My husband has these over different things due to a car accident and his divorce. Even going into the courthouse last year brought back memories. You donít realize that something as innocent as standing in a doorway would do it but for you its a trigger.

My husband tells me now. He will clearly say in a moment that what is happening is making him uncomfortable and asks for something to stop or adjust. Because I know this happened and I have anxiety myself it is easy to pivot.

Sometimes it is as unusual as being in the grocery store. Early on I would turn and he would be gone. Turns out, exís ďpeopleĒ would confront him the grocery store and harass him about the split. He was finally able to make it through the store after three years with me!!!

There is no shame!!!
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  #29  
Old 09-17-2019, 08:22 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Also- I've gone before- not in costume. There's so much fun stuff to do there that I think kids would love it even if they're not into geek culture.

That's my thought, but it is hard to be objective because I'm reasonably geeky myself so even though I'm not familiar with most of the fanexpo stuff, I still find it interesting. I don't want to spend the money and then have to deal with bored kids .
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  #30  
Old 09-17-2019, 12:48 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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My wife knew from the beginning about my daughter, so she was knew about the ex. It took a while for her to realize how difficult she was/is, and how she impacted my life. I figure it really became apparent when we moved in together, as I couldn't really hide how the ex made me feel and the issues I had with the ex when my wife and I were around each other 24/7.

For me, part of overcoming the ex and opening up with my wife was learning how to be treated. My ex treated me like crap. I could do absolutely no right in her eyes, even when she professed to love me. She was passive aggressive with manipulating me, and would constantly put me down. It took me years to really realize I was in an abusive relationship.

My wife was previously married when we met. She initially hesitated to tell me, figuring I would judge her. But she knew about my ex, so she felt it appropriate to be honest with me. I wasn't fazed by it. The divorce had been finalized, they had no kids. There was simply nothing connecting the two anymore, so for me it was a non-issue.

It is nice now as my wife is very supportive to me and loving of my daughter. They are peas in a pod. I just wish my ex would find it in herself to get over herself. She is the "woe is me" type, complaining about the fact that her life isn't how she envisioned. IMO, if she wasn't such a bitch, maybe...just maybe.... one of the 2 or 3 guys she was engaged to may have stuck around.

I just wish she wouldn't involve our daughter in her drama as much. She openly tells my daughter if I don't do something she wants. She texts her say "Just remember he's never around. I'm the only parent you have", or "If I could change your dad I would" or more recently called me cheap to the kid. The kid even said over the weekend that I am an easy target for her mom when her mom is upset. The kid even said that she worries about money and stuff as her mom involves her in it, and that she is 13 and shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that.
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