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Grandparents vs Daycare

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  • Grandparents vs Daycare

    My wife is not willing to let my parents take care of my kids. There is no valid reason except that she doesn't want the grandparents to have an emotional contact with our kids
    The kids being 7 and 8 yrs old prefer to stay at grandparents place instead of the after and before day care
    The day care expenses are immense. We are not into divorce yet and hence its common money thats spent to keep her evil designs

    Is there a way I can legally challenge this situation as grounds of divorce and cruelty to kids?

  • #2
    I am in the same boat where my ex doesn't want our kids to have any emotional ties to my side of the family. Keep making polite requests (via email) where you ask for the kids to spend time with grandparents, and keep the rejection emails. Document everything neat and tidy. Careful not to harass. Build your case showing a pattern of her rejecting quality time with your parents. Use the evidence in your court case. If you already have a separation agreement, use it as evidence to change your agreement.

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    • #3
      What is the parenting agreement? Do you share custody? Do one of you have majority access?


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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      • #4
        i think saying its cruelty to the kids is a big stretch.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
          What is the parenting agreement? Do you share custody? Do one of you have majority access?

          Can I guess?


          Divorceakai is a non-custodial parent. Mom wants to use a daycare of her choice during her parenting time. Dad would rather his parents do the kid minding, not the least because it would be free (so he would save lots of money) and he could sneak in some bonus unauthorized parenting time on the sly.


          This is slightly less obnoxious than the parents who use grandparents for babysitting and then want the ex spouse to pay up, but not by much. Divorceakai at least would probably not make mom pay for the free services he is receiving.


          Anyhow, legal answer:


          Parents get to decide on daycare arrangements during their parenting time. You cannot force mom to use your parents as babysitters. You will have to pay your share of the daycare mom chooses during her time even though there was a free alternative. You are allowed to use your parents during your time, and you can charge mom for that.


          If mom has the majority of the custody/babysitting time, then that's your fault for giving up custody. Enjoy paying.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Janus View Post
            Can I guess?


            Divorceakai is a non-custodial parent. Mom wants to use a daycare of her choice during her parenting time. Dad would rather his parents do the kid minding, not the least because it would be free (so he would save lots of money) and he could sneak in some bonus unauthorized parenting time on the sly.


            This is slightly less obnoxious than the parents who use grandparents for babysitting and then want the ex spouse to pay up, but not by much. Divorceakai at least would probably not make mom pay for the free services he is receiving.


            Anyhow, legal answer:


            Parents get to decide on daycare arrangements during their parenting time. You cannot force mom to use your parents as babysitters. You will have to pay your share of the daycare mom chooses during her time even though there was a free alternative. You are allowed to use your parents during your time, and you can charge mom for that.


            If mom has the majority of the custody/babysitting time, then that's your fault for giving up custody. Enjoy paying.


            You’re probably right and it’s similar to kids going to daycare when the other parent is available. Personally, with how hard daycare spots are to find, I wouldn’t be giving up a spot... what happens if the grandparents fall ill and all the sudden can’t watch the children? Heck, I’ve been paying to send my kids to daycare twice a week for 6 months because I didn’t want to lose the spot... I’ve now decided not to return to work but if i didn’t happen to save those spots for 6 months, I would have been screwed had I wanted to go back in three weeks


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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            • #7
              I should have added. We are not separated yet and are not even in divorce proceedings. That's why I asked if that makes my case strong during the divorce that my wife does not agree on grandparents getting access as the kids stay with daycare 10 hrs a day

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              • #8
                Originally posted by divorceakai View Post
                I should have added. We are not separated yet and are not even in divorce proceedings. That's why I asked if that makes my case strong during the divorce that my wife does not agree on grandparents getting access as the kids stay with daycare 10 hrs a day

                What is your case? What are you trying to get?

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                • #9
                  If you are not separated yet and even in divorce proceedings, why are you walking down this path of planning grandparents vs daycare?

                  My advice: It is MUCH cheaper to invest in a marriage counsellor (and take that seriously) than dabbling in family law.

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                  • #10
                    Ok.. how much per hr a marriage consular takes? I am seeing most of them around 140 per hr. I have used one earlier.. not too good..
                    Right now I am consolidating reasons for justifying wrong behavior of my wife by preventing kids from grandparents access and others

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by divorceakai View Post
                      Right now I am consolidating reasons for justifying wrong behavior of my wife by preventing kids from grandparents access and others

                      As a reason for divorce? Are you serious?

                      If you and your spouse are unhappy and not destined for a happily ever after, marriage counseling won’t work. If you are worried about going to strip clubs as a claim of adultery there is no hope. There is a fundamental issue in your marriage and you need to end it.

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                      • #12
                        If you and your spouse are unhappy and not destined for a happily ever after, marriage counseling won’t work.

                        Agreed that some things some marriages aren't meant to be. But looking back now, I wish I would have had more conversations rather than let things fester. In the end, you will NEVER change the other person. The question is, can you live with the quirks of the other. If anamosity over the grandparents is reason enough for you to divorce, so be it. Just caution that 10 hours of marriage counseling is $1400. 10 hours with a divorce lawyer is $4,000. A high conflict divorce is over $90,000 easy.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                          If you are worried about going to strip clubs as a claim of adultery there is no hope.
                          Sex clubs are different than strip clubs. In sex clubs consenting adults get together and have sexual fun. Everybody is paying to be there. They are completely legal.

                          While not necessary, sex clubs often involve adults have sex with people who are not their spouse, hence the question about adultery.

                          A strip club has clients and providers, and rarely any sex that is legal.

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                          • #14
                            Your wife is abusive. leave. let the kids see your parents on your time.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              So $140/hour for counselling is a waste of money but a $25/5 mins lap dance is a good idea?

                              You can spend $50 on an oil change every six months or $5,000 when your engine blows up. Same thing with marriage, preventative marriage counselling at $500 is a good idea if the marriage can be saved, vs rushing into a $90,000 legal battles that will not only ruin you financially but most likely will destroy relationships in ways you have no idea. You think your parents are more important than your wife? Well, you won't have any recourse if you get a divorce and the kids refuse to see your parents at all because they blame them for breaking up their parent's marriage. Do you think your parents don't want to be invited to graduations and weddings of their grandkids, have a chance to hold their great-grandkids? Do you want to only see your kids every other weekend and have no meaningful role in their lives? Even some employers discriminate against divorced people. There is still a stigma for children that come from broken homes, and that adverse impact follows them through life and their own relationships. Don't assume the good parts of your life right now will stick around because you have already decided marriage counselling is too expensive.

                              You are talking about childcare so your kid(s) are pretty young, and you both must be working. That is hard, and it is hard time for marriages. You have indicated in the past that physical abuse is present in your marriage, however there is a nuanced view of domestic violence that looks at what is sometimes called "common couple violence", where both partners are creating a dynamic that leads to one or both people losing control of their emotions and becoming violent.; this is distinctly different from intimate partner abuse that is rooted in controlling other people through violence. Good news is, if what you experience in your marriage is the first type, it can be worked on together and relationships can improve. The second type, no counsellor would engage in joint counselling due to the likelihood of perpetuating the abuse against the victim. Before you go into any marriage counselling I would STRONGLY encourage you to get some individual counselling first, then use a different counsellor for joint counselling if the abuse is something your counsellor thinks can be remedied (and encourage your wife into individual counselling as well during this time).

                              If either of you have benefits the counselling is usually covered, as well many workplaces provide EAPs. Talk to both your HR departments. If you don't have benefits then counselling is something that can be accessed through agencies, churches and sliding scale therapists.

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