Divorce Fantasy

[FWB]

rather than a spoiled brat who declared nuclear war on my entire life and burned it to the ground because she wasn't happy any more.

Unfortunately.....this is what most of us are faced with, thanks to the parent(s) of these people for raising their kids to rely on others<!-- / message -->

[minazar]

Last night I was once again lamenting how it would have been nice to divorce someone who was an emotionally mature adult, rather than a spoiled brat who declared nuclear war on my entire life and burned it to the ground because she wasn't happy any more.

Thats how I see it too. I have had the fantasy of sitting down in a coffee shop with my then hubby and saying "Sweetie, its over". The reality was so very different.

I wish I was dealing with a mature and responsible adult but then I guess I wouldnt have been here at this forum as an ex.

[Janibel]

Thats how I see it too. I have had the fantasy of sitting down in a coffee shop with my then hubby and saying "Sweetie, its over". The reality was so very different.

I wish I was dealing with a mature and responsible adult but then I guess I wouldnt have been here at this forum as an ex.

In my dreams the whole mess would be a very simple thing - you take this, I'll take that - end of story. I did try the 'sweetheart, let's just cut our losses and move on route', unfortunately he wanted to turn this into WW3. There's nothing to do about it. Perhaps the legal bills alone will knock some sense into him though I doubt it.

[minazar]

Hardship made even worse by having to pay a lawyer to go to court to prove that one's salary has taken a nosedive ... how does that help either the recipient spouse or the children when the main breadwinner goes bankrupt?

I was very accomodating to his ever changing situation without impacting kids' lives. I wasnt even thinking he would ever file a motion to change. We were this close to bringing a motion to change mutually but he left the country and filed this. I just have to deal with it.

If you were married, you are just as entitled to share his financial blunders/loss as he is to share in half of your pension. Sorry, the world sees a married couple as a package deal. It goes both ways.

Yeah, it sucks to be the part of that package deal. He lost a lot more than just the marriage and I am very aware of that. So I am sure it sucks for him too. No one WINS in a divorce.

[Links17]

Court was pretty interesting for me, my Judge was somewhat of a cowboy and my ex's lawyer lost her cool trying to paint me as a monster and actually said that because I testified so well I MUST be a manipulative monster and the judge actually told her to drop it and that he had a psych report corroborating my sanity.

Definitely interesting, there were some emotional attacks - my ex complained I emotionally abused her so she couldn't work and then later complained that i was cruel because I took the kids to California and i never took her...

Appeal court seems like it will be much less exciting though.... three judges ouch.

[arabian]

I accept that ex's can have financial gains/losses. If documentation is provided to substantiate then there is no problem whatsoever. Too often the ex simply doesn't want to pay support obligation and simply lie.

The world would be a much better place if people were to simply supply full, honest financial disclosure.

[FWB]

The world would be a much better place if people were to simply supply full, honest financial disclosure.

Add to that.....not vindictive, nasty crazy, spiteful, less dependent on others/ have mutual respect for each other etc

[minazar]

Unfortunately.....this is what most of us are faced with, thanks to the parent(s) of these people for raising their kids to rely on others

Wow! If I dared say anything to his parents and their upbringing I would be dead meat by now. Yes, I firmly believe in this threat of his.

I do agree though that there are two types of people; givers and takers.... will just leave it at that.

[minazar]

The world would be a much better place if people were to simply supply full, honest financial disclosure.

Haaa... I dont think most of us will be divorced if we were dealing with people like that to begin with.

[Janibel]

Haaa... I dont think most of us will be divorced if we were dealing with people like that to begin with.

There lies the problem, reasonable people find ways of handling problems. Honest people will hand over their financials. People who where raised properly don't expect more than their fair share .... and stable people loathe drama and revenge.

Heck, if my ex were all of the above, I would have kept him till death do us part!

[FightingForFamily]

Thats how I see it too. I have had the fantasy of sitting down in a coffee shop with my then hubby and saying "Sweetie, its over". The reality was so very different.

I wish I was dealing with a mature and responsible adult but then I guess I wouldnt have been here at this forum as an ex.

Sometimes I think my ex got swept up in the momentum and drama of the moment, recruiting a bunch of negative advocates (especially her parents) who then became directly involved, confronting me directly and carrying matters forward.

Then there's the case where you go to see a divorce lawyer who promises you all kinds of goodies and you get caught up in their promises to deliver the goods to you.

I spent more face time with my father in law than I did with my ex wife during the early stages of the divorces. She hid behind him (literally) and then hid behind her lawyers (literally) and would not communicate in any way. I was instructed to contact her only through counsel or at best her Father if I had anything to say.

And yet in the end the divorce does boil down to the people who are in it, not all the negative advocates hovering around them. A year later when we finally communicated directly and candidly (through e-mail) did matters finally get settled.

[Links17]

Haaa... I dont think most of us will be divorced if we were dealing with people like that to begin with.

The problem is the payors don't think the laws are fair (were not aware of what they were getting into when they got married) and thus they don't want to comply.

Its rebellion.

Divorce seeks to redress only the financial impact of marriage.

The problem is that as a payor you lose ANY benefit generated by your spouse BUT the spouse keeps the MAJOR benefit ($$$) , on the grand scheme of things it is NOT FAIR. I'm not saying I know a better solution but the system only considers finances whereas a divorce is the breaking of the partnership

[minazar]

Im estranged from my side of the family and his side of the family for very good reasons. It hurt in the beginning but I am ok with living in my own ecosystem.

The only reason I was able to succeed in getting a joint simplified divorce was because I talked to him and only him directly. It wasnt easy and the things that I had to do to make it happen ..... dont even want to go there. By the end, he wanted divorce but remain "friends with benefits". Go figure that one...

[FightingForFamily]

Even at the outset of my divorce I was naive enough to have mindset of, well, she is entitled to 50/50 of what we have. That's fair.

The reality is that once family law kicks in, she gets a lot more than 50/50 of what you have, plus another 50% of whatever you will ever have in the future even after you're no longer together.

[arabian]

And yet in the end the divorce does boil down to the people who are in it, not all the negative advocates hovering around them. A year later when we finally communicated directly and candidly (through e-mail) did matters finally get settled.

I agree with you completely. Keeping family and friends out of the mix would lead to people having to face their issues with their ex directly. Had my ex and I been able to deal directly with each other we very well may not be in the place we are today. I was powerless to enact this and still am. So the lawyers will continue to make money and issues will be continue to be muddied and unresolved.