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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21  
Old 11-25-2014, 07:57 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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No helpful suggestions, just wanted to say that the stuff with your ex abandoning pets is really sad (and potentially scary to very young kids: Mom got rid of the cat because it wasn't fun all the time - what happens if she thinks the same about me?).

My kidlet and I have been volunteering at the local humane society for nearly a year, and it has been great. It's a really good lesson for kids in responsibility, especially when they see how well the other volunteers and staff care for the animals. I think many kids have an almost intuitive connection to animals, and to be able to help animals in need can be really meaningful for them.
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  #22  
Old 11-25-2014, 08:52 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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I agree with stripes - It hurts me to see people treat animals badly.

I would consider mentioning it to the teacher - maybe the teacher has noticed to and then teacher can send a message. My kids teachers from time to time send messages to the parents saying put your kids to sleep earlier or stop eating candy.....
“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”
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  #23  
Old 11-25-2014, 09:52 PM
paris paris is offline
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Back to the original issue... the smell.

My husband I were smokers. His ex complained that his kids smelled like smoke when they came home. We never smoked around them. The smell came from hanging their coats with ours. We didn't notice because, well, we were the smokers. After Mom raise the issue we kept our coats where they wouldn't stink up the kids coats or the rest of our own home.

My point being... sometimes it's OK to just say something.
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  #24  
Old 11-25-2014, 10:00 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paris View Post
Back to the original issue... the smell.

My husband I were smokers. His ex complained that his kids smelled like smoke when they came home. We never smoked around them. The smell came from hanging their coats with ours. We didn't notice because, well, we were the smokers. After Mom raise the issue we kept our coats where they wouldn't stink up the kids coats or the rest of our own home.

My point being... sometimes it's OK to just say something.
Another great point. Thanks guys, this has been a delightfully productive and respectful conversation.

It is nice to get an outside perspective on such things.
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  #25  
Old 11-25-2014, 11:16 PM
viewfromthecheapseats viewfromthecheapseats is offline
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I wouldn't be overly concerned about your children learning that pets are disposable. They are also learning life lessons from you. You have a dog, the dog is a permanent fixture in your family. You also have a powerful influence on their learning.

You know your ex better than any of us do, you are the best judge to decide how she is likely to react if you bring up the subject of pet odours. If it hasn't become a problem outside of your personal distaste and you know she is likely to become offended by you broaching the subject then let it be.

You will be co-parenting for a long time to come, there will be bigger more worthy battles down the road. If she is inclined to take any suggestion from you as a slight then focusing on small things might lead to ingrained defensiveness that will be a hindrance when more pressing issues show up.

Just my perspective as someone who has been there done that.
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  #26  
Old 11-26-2014, 08:10 AM
Serene Serene is offline
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I'd talk to your children. Let them know that you (and perhaps others) have noticed a smell on them that is not pleasant. You can gently bring the conversation to "I'm concerned that others (at school for instance) might notice this smell too....and I'm worried you will be teased". you could discuss strategies on ways they could overcome the smell (like better cleaning of cages etc.). And then I would tell them you'll mention it to mom too.

And write mom an email advising her of the conversation you've had with the kids. Something to the effect: I just wanted you to know that myself and others have noticed a not so pleasant smell from the kids and I discussed it with them. I just wanted you to be aware that we had this conversation and that I worry they could be subject to some negative attention about it.

And just leave it at that.
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  #27  
Old 11-26-2014, 10:39 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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I have no good suggestion for you. Just saying, I run into the same issue.

When I pick up D from her Mom's, often her clothes/coat stinks.
It's always one of these smells:
- she stinks like an ashtray (cigarettes, they smoke in the house)
- she stinks like cat pee (they have cats, that pee in their house)

All you can do, is try to have some clean fresh clothes for them. It is an issue though, when one is picking up the child, and not heading straight home though (ex. perhaps going out for supper).

If you have a cooperative ex, perhaps saying something to them, may help.
If you have an ex like mine, trying to bring it up, only results in idiocy.
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  #28  
Old 11-26-2014, 10:48 AM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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It is entirely possible that your ex does not realise the smell is there. As some of the smokers have just commented in that they didnt,realise the smell of smoke had transferred ontomtheir kids clothes. As a non smoker I can smell it immediately.

I know that each home smells differently. i always remembered my aunts house smelt of fish. She cooked and ate fish several times a week and it seemed to me that my jacket would smell of fish after I had been visiting there. She would have no clue.

So I think you need to tell your ex. She might get mad, but I doubt it would be the first time she has got mad at you.
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  #29  
Old 11-26-2014, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
... two sugar gliders. The sugar gliders (feel free to google them) generate a lot of smell and odour, especially if the cages are not cleaned on a regular basis.
Depending where you are marsupials are non-permitted pets by law. There are some cities that have exemptions on them so best to check.

They look cute but are awful pets. Only second to parrots as horrific pets people buy their children after divorce.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #30  
Old 11-26-2014, 11:44 AM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Depending where you are marsupials are non-permitted pets by law. There are some cities that have exemptions on them so best to check.

They look cute but are awful pets. Only second to parrots as horrific pets people buy their children after divorce.

Good Luck!
Tayken

What would be the end-game of checking city by-laws?

Are you suggesting that I rat out my ex and get her pets taken away?
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