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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 11-25-2014, 03:12 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Originally Posted by Janibel View Post
The best solution is to get rid of the pets -if your ex is unwilling to care for them properly. As for the stink you could suggest she add baking soda to the wash, this will eliminate any pet odors (cats, dogs, gerbils, aardvarks no matter what).

She probably won't understand what your complaining about as pet owners grow accustomed to their stinky pets over time and hardly notice ... This problem is not for the kids to fix, they're way too young.

Ironically enough, they used to have two cats, and they became a nuisance. Litter box started to get to be too much, cats were peeing on the carpet, etc.

So, my ex and her partner simply made the cats leave the house and didn't let them back in. My kidlet told me this, and I avoided saying anything about it, and then heard the same from my ex's sister. I was stupified. The basically abandoned the kitties because they were too much work, and did it by simply throwing them out into the neighbourhood. I practically chewed my tongue off to avoid telling my daughter that I considered the action reprehensible.

Then, on top of that, they got these sugar gliders around the same time. I have no doubt that at some point, they will be shown the door as well, but in the meantime, my kids are going to smell like a pet cage.

Even when my ex finally gets rid of them, she will be teaching the kids the notion that pets are disposable, which I completely disagree with. Around the time that the cats were being given the boot (literally, apparently), my son and daughter started asking if we were going to give up our family dog. I reassured them that this was not the case, and that the dog really was part of our family.

But that, of course, is just a distraction from my original post. I am just going to have to do nothing for the moment, and hope that she either cleans the cages or gets rid of the pets.
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  #12  
Old 11-25-2014, 03:20 PM
BitHunter BitHunter is offline
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When I pick up my daughter, she is stinky, dirty and wears cr*p, too small/too big/torn/mended/rag clothes. I just make her take a shower, give her clean and nicer clothes, and wash whatever she wears. She will wear those clothes when I drop her off for her mom.
If I liked to generate conflict with no possible positive outcome or I had no any bigger problems than this, I would bring it up with my ex. (possible results: 1. a middle finger for me. 2. She gets rid of the pets and my daughter will hate me for that.)
But now I just let her teachers/classmates notice that she is stinky and dirty when she is with her mom and clean and well dressed when she is with her dad. She is going to realize this too.
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Old 11-25-2014, 03:26 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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Originally Posted by BitHunter View Post
When I pick up my daughter, she is stinky, dirty and wears cr*p, too small/too big/torn/mended/rag clothes. I just make her take a shower, give her clean and nicer clothes, and wash whatever she wears. She will wear those clothes when I drop her off for her mom.
If I liked to generate conflict with no possible positive outcome or I had no any bigger problems than this, I would bring it up with my ex. (possible results: 1. a middle finger for me. 2. She gets rid of the pets and my daughter will hate me for that.)
But now I just let her teachers/classmates notice that she is stinky and dirty when she is with her mom and clean and well dressed when she is with her dad. She is going to realize this too.
Yep, that is pretty much what I'm doing right now as well.

I guess the idealist in me is wishing that my kids could have the same standard in both houses, but like I said, that's a bit idealistic.
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  #14  
Old 11-25-2014, 03:56 PM
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This is a tough one, if you talk to the ex it may generate conflict, but i feel your pain on the kids enduring the negative reactions at school. Perhaps you could try addressing it with the kids first, encourage them to take note of the door and be.proactive in doing/saying something about it at their other home before talking to mom?
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  #15  
Old 11-25-2014, 04:07 PM
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Friends soon (if not already) won't be allowed to come to kids house.
A real shame.
I agree that you should address the matter with the children if at all possible. Perhaps start by having a talk to them about the importance of washing their hands after every time they handle animals. Then talk about how important it is to clean cages. Put it at their level - ask them if they would like to live in a place without a toilet and where they have to sleep in their own pee. Maybe there are some age-appropriate kid books you can pick up and read with them?
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Old 11-25-2014, 04:13 PM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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I am strongly attempted to follow both Arabian and Blink's advice.

The challenge I'm having is that since we don't have any caged pets, and I instruct the kids on this, and they return to their mom's house and tell her about how daddy helped them realize the pet cages should be cleaned more, won't she accuse me of meddling?
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Old 11-25-2014, 04:26 PM
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What % would you put on the chances of your request actually having an effect? (that might help you on your decision).

How about ramping up hand-washing habits (and awareness of hands in eyes/nose/mouth) in your own house?
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  #18  
Old 11-25-2014, 06:13 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
I am strongly attempted to follow both Arabian and Blink's advice.

The challenge I'm having is that since we don't have any caged pets, and I instruct the kids on this, and they return to their mom's house and tell her about how daddy helped them realize the pet cages should be cleaned more, won't she accuse me of meddling?
I am not certain how much you have your children, however the shelters always have small, furry friends that need a home. Getting the kids a small hamster for your house and teaching them the importance of keeping the cage clean may be a solution. I know pets are not for everyone, but you may realize you enjoy the furry little creature and the bonding with the children.

We have cats and dogs as pets. We are big into rescue and often bring in 3-4 stray cats with kittens a year. Of course the kids always fall in love with them. We started with 2 cats and now have 4. Both of the children became attached to a certain kitten, from different litters and we decided to allow them to stay. The children, S9 & D6 have had to learn all about responsibility. When they are with us, they are responsible for feeding their cats and changing the litter when they are here. They don't typically like the litter aspect but that is all part of it. Our litters are scooped daily and dumped weekly with garbage day.

I feel for you. There was a time we were up to 9 cats/kittens, 4 dogs & 2 ferrets for about 3 weeks as the rescue was short on fosters, you would never know we had that many animals in our house as all the cages were kept spotless. People who cannot take care of their responsibilities , should not own animals.

Another suggestion, you said you have (or had) a dog... why not visit the local shelter with the children and let them help the staff clean the cages. It could be a nice outing, the shelter would appreciate the help and the children could learn about proper animal care. That way you don't come off as trying to preach to the children and they don't run back to mom and say "Dad taught us the importance of keeping the cages clean"
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  #19  
Old 11-25-2014, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
Getting the kids a small hamster for your house and teaching them the importance of keeping the cage clean may be a solution.
As a side benefit, the stench from your ex's house will become less noticeable (couldn't resist!)
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  #20  
Old 11-25-2014, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I feel for you. There was a time we were up to 9 cats/kittens, 4 dogs & 2 ferrets for about 3 weeks as the rescue was short on fosters, you would never know we had that many animals in our house as all the cages were kept spotless. People who cannot take care of their responsibilities , should not own animals.

Another suggestion, you said you have (or had) a dog... why not visit the local shelter with the children and let them help the staff clean the cages. It could be a nice outing, the shelter would appreciate the help and the children could learn about proper animal care. That way you don't come off as trying to preach to the children and they don't run back to mom and say "Dad taught us the importance of keeping the cages clean"
I was going to suggest similar - by taking the kids to visit your local branch of the SPCA or some other private shelter they will learn that pets need clean cages, fresh food and water and 'regular baths' and grooming. They will also see first-hand in what condition abandoned pets are left in. Little kids instinctively have a sense of whats right and wrong and will remember what they see and drive the point home for mom.

It should be a criminal offense to adopt animals and then let them fend for themselves when the adults in the home decide the 'toys' have to vacate the premises. Don't get me started on that one ....

In my opinion, there is a special corner of hell reserved for those who mistreat innocent animals or children.

Your Ex has no clue at all - she is teaching your children that animals are nothing more than commodities to be tossed in the garbage when we get bored with them ... shameful. (sorry for the rant, this topic gets me mental!)
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