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Straittohell · #1 11-25-2014, 10:00 AM

My ex and I use the 'week on, week off' framework, Friday to Friday. She asked if I could keep the kids from her Friday to 'some time' on Sunday because she had to work Friday night, all day Saturday, and had an Xmas party to go to for her work.

I love having my kids as much as humanly possible, so I course agreed to her request. When I emailed and asked her what time I should plan for her to come by my house on Sunday to grab the kids, she said:

"Time TBD depending on hangover"

Now, I would have liked for her to have at least said "11ish" or "around noon", or something like that, but I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I decided to let it slide and focus on more important things for the day. She is also not a frequent drinker, so I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that this is something she does on a regular basis.

That being said, I have to wonder though, what would YOU folks have done? Would you have stood your ground and insisted on a specific time? Would you have expressed disapproval about how your ex is planning on being hungover on the day that she's supposed to get her kids for the start of the week?

I sometimes wonder if I've sacrificed too much to 'keep the peace' as it were, and that's one of the reasons that I go on this forum, which is to get a sense of how other people handle this stuff.

DowntroddenDad · #2 11-25-2014, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Straittohell

My ex and I use the 'week on, week off' framework, Friday to Friday. She asked if I could keep the kids from her Friday to 'some time' on Sunday because she had to work Friday night, all day Saturday, and had an Xmas party to go to for her work.

I love having my kids as much as humanly possible, so I course agreed to her request. When I emailed and asked her what time I should plan for her to come by my house on Sunday to grab the kids, she said:

"Time TBD depending on hangover"

Now, I would have liked for her to have at least said "11ish" or "around noon", or something like that, but I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I decided to let it slide and focus on more important things for the day. She is also not a frequent drinker, so I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that this is something she does on a regular basis.

That being said, I have to wonder though, what would YOU folks have done? Would you have stood your ground and insisted on a specific time? Would you have expressed disapproval about how your ex is planning on being hungover on the day that she's supposed to get her kids for the start of the week?

I sometimes wonder if I've sacrificed too much to 'keep the peace' as it were, and that's one of the reasons that I go on this forum, which is to get a sense of how other people handle this stuff.

Pick your battles. If your ex had an ongoing drinking problem, it might have been worth making the point.

But if this is a one time occurence, and it doesn't impact your life (you didn't have lunch plans )let it go. Life is short.

BitHunter · #3 11-25-2014, 10:15 AM

Who knows in advance how a party will end??
If you don't have any other plans for that day, then just be happy for the extra time with your kid and spend it well, if you have other plans then just tell her that "OK, but please pick the kid up before 6pm."

Rioe · #4 11-25-2014, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Straittohell

My ex and I use the 'week on, week off' framework, Friday to Friday. She asked if I could keep the kids from her Friday to 'some time' on Sunday because she had to work Friday night, all day Saturday, and had an Xmas party to go to for her work.

I love having my kids as much as humanly possible, so I course agreed to her request. When I emailed and asked her what time I should plan for her to come by my house on Sunday to grab the kids, she said:

"Time TBD depending on hangover"

Now, I would have liked for her to have at least said "11ish" or "around noon", or something like that, but I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I decided to let it slide and focus on more important things for the day. She is also not a frequent drinker, so I don't want to leave anyone with the impression that this is something she does on a regular basis.

That being said, I have to wonder though, what would YOU folks have done? Would you have stood your ground and insisted on a specific time? Would you have expressed disapproval about how your ex is planning on being hungover on the day that she's supposed to get her kids for the start of the week?

I sometimes wonder if I've sacrificed too much to 'keep the peace' as it were, and that's one of the reasons that I go on this forum, which is to get a sense of how other people handle this stuff.

I, too, feel that I've sacrificed much to avoid rocking the boat with my ex by being accommodating. But I do always try to set up firm times for things, as I'm a planner.

You could simply say that 'depending on hangover' is much too vague, and you need a firm time for pickup. Propose 2pm or something, then you can go out for brunch with the kids or whatever they like to do on a Sunday morning and be back in plenty of time. If she needs more time, she can call you.

As for disapproval of planning to be hungover on an exchange day, well, Christmas drinking is once a year, not a frequent occurrence, as you said. I always disapprove whenever my ex won't take the kids on his time, especially when he has so little because he chose not to have 50-50, but I keep it to myself. I suppose someday the kids may wonder why one parent sometimes ditches them to go do something else, but it's also good for them to see parents working around immoveable obligations and having a life of their own.

I also try to look at the big picture of how would things work out if the parents had stayed together. If you guys were still happily married, you would have the kids while she worked, and you would probably hire a sitter so you could both go to her work party. And the parent that was functioning best the next day would handle the kids until the other parent recovered.

Now if only I could get my ex to ASK if I would take the kids on his time when he has something else he'd rather do, instead of ASSUMING! You have it good!

dinkyface · #5 11-25-2014, 11:05 AM

I agree to pick your battles... but perhaps ask for 2hours notice before she comes, so that you don't have to stick around the house all day. If she doesn't give you 2 hours notice, then she may have to wait in the driveway while you finish up whatever you were doing.

rockscan · #6 11-25-2014, 11:41 AM

Or what about saying 3 or 4 but pitch it as "that way you can enjoy your day and get anything else done as your only day off without the kids in your hair" or something like that?

stripes · #7 11-25-2014, 12:02 PM

I think the hangover part is a bit TMI, but I would let it slide. What would be the point of expressing disapproval?

I do think it's reasonable to have some idea of when the kids are going back to their mom's - so maybe send a message like "okay, let's plan for 3.00, I'll text you a couple of hours in advance to confirm".

Straittohell · #8 11-25-2014, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stripes

I think the hangover part is a bit TMI, but I would let it slide. What would be the point of expressing disapproval?

I do think it's reasonable to have some idea of when the kids are going back to their mom's - so maybe send a message like "okay, let's plan for 3.00, I'll text you a couple of hours in advance to confirm".

There is pretty much zero point to expressing disapproval, and I didn't plan on it either.

Just wanting to see what everyone's different opinions, perspectives, and approaches are.

I really appreciate the suggestions around some of the creative ways of specifying a time for her, and will likely use them.

Serene · #9 11-26-2014, 08:00 AM

We've learned to never ask an open ended question like that. We would have said "you can pick them up at xx time".

As for the drinking - we are all human and entitled to some down time. Good for her that she has a night out to play and party. Good for you that you get to spend a little more quality time with your kids.

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