Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Introductions

Introductions If you're new to the forums, drop by and introduce yourself.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-18-2018, 02:35 PM
Dad First Dad First is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Dad First is on a distinguished road
Default Hello

Hello. I'm a father with 50% custody of 2 kids, now 11 and 13 y/o.

After some initial squabbles, we've managed to keep it out of court by estimating what the end result would likely be and then agreeing to it. That way we are both unhappy, but at least the lawyers are too.

We aren't friends but we communicate enough to raise the kids because we both care about them.

From my perspective, family law is unreasonable in its premise. If it were reasonable, people could sort out it out themselves and the streets would overflow with unemployed lawyers and judges, and the burden to the EI and welfare system would be too much for the nation to bear.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-18-2018, 03:13 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,596
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

As long as you can continue to co parent and leave unnecessary animosity out of it, you’ll do well.

As a child of divorce, my parents hated each other forever which led to a great deal of awkward and embarrassing moments throughout our lives. Think of the kids first and you’ll be a winner.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-18-2018, 03:49 PM
Dad First Dad First is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Dad First is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for the wise words. I have my Mom's advice, if you don't have something nice to say...in front of the kids or people we know in common.

I wouldn't have any problem with my ex and would have been able to forgive and forget the marriage. Then she lied and reneg'd on agreements twice. There can be no trust. The family law system encourages conflict in my opinion.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-18-2018, 09:15 PM
arabian's Avatar
arabian arabian is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 10,291
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Now you are wiser though... you know you have to get everything in writing and witnessed right?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-19-2018, 08:23 AM
Dad First Dad First is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Dad First is on a distinguished road
Default

Right.

But...I did the first time. Lawyers don't mind fixing it for you though
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-19-2018, 08:40 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,596
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

If you’ve got an unreasonable ex it doesn’t matter what you say or do or even what the law says. The beauty of the court system is everyone has a right to be heard. Thats the first mistake in every court proceeding in family law.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-19-2018, 09:01 AM
Dad First Dad First is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Dad First is on a distinguished road
Default

I think she's had enough. No drama for 3.5 years now. She doesn't want a never ending battle, which is good.
I expect the next round when the kids go to post secondary. I'm thinking she is depending on the CS for herself. I'll be back here before that to get opinions and develop a strategy on how I can handle it in a way that benefits the kids first and me second before PS starts.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-19-2018, 09:19 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 3,596
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Hopefully she figures shit out before then. Doesnt matter what she depends on. My partners ex has a six figure income and is still demanding full table for a kid living at school. Shes bitter and wants to make him broke.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-19-2018, 10:12 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 434
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Hi Dad First, I too am trying to keep mine out of the court system, so far not much luck.

Reading post like yours gives me hope we too can communicate enough for the kids sake. How long did it take you to get to that point?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-19-2018, 12:49 PM
Dad First Dad First is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Dad First is on a distinguished road
Default

Of course it's complicated, but from very early on we were functional in that regard. After the stunning ending of the marriage, I composed myself and did a lot of reading and information gathering. When I could wrap my mind around what the likely outcome was to be, I made an offer. After a little back and forth we wrote it up, filed it at the courthouse together and lived with it until we could finalize the divorce. She wanted us to have pizza on Tuesdays so that the kids could have us together. I said, "No. The relationship is now strictly a financial relationship." plus she knows I don't really like pizza. You may think that's crazy and maybe it is. I can just think of about 100 better things to eat than pizza.

I should have finalized the divorce ASAP after one year, but I let it go until after SS had ended and then some. I was moving in with my current partner and my new partner wanted it to be final before we did, which was fair. In order to settle my ex asked for more SS, ostensibly to go to school to better her career. It was an offer I had made since before we were married and repeated until we were doing the separation agreement. So after spending the only legal money I ever spent on the divorce, we settled for another couple of years at a discounted rate. She was supposed to use the time and money to go to school. She did not. It followed the usual pattern of failing to hold up her end. So now, 7.5 years in, we talk about the kids - braces, school, sports, but that's it. We are not California about it. I do not want to have coffee with her. In our case I think that's key - we stay out of each other's lives, we are not each other's business anymore, we both wanted to keep the money in the family, neither of us wants to waste our time on fighting, or have the stress and bitter taste of gall in our mouths.

I feel like I did the best I could and I still feel I got effed. Sometimes the best solution is when no one is happy.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:36 AM.