Introduction!

[AdmiralBenson]

Hi everyone, just wanted to introduce myself, and say an in advance "thanks" for any input and wisdom from these forums.

I've been separated for just over 2 years, and am still trying to get an agreement finalized.
My income is just over $150k ($151-ish), hers is around $45k. 2 Kids, teenagers, living with her (in the marital home). 17-year marriage.

I've been voluntarily paying table child support, mid-range (or slightly above) spousal support, and a fixed $400/mth for special expenses since the date of separation. She's not claimed this as income on her 2016/2017 taxes, and so she's been enjoying this money tax-free (and I've received no tax refund).

Various settlement offers from me have been rejected by my ex (and her lawyer) over the past year or so, and it looks like we're going to court :-(.
I'm hoping to self-represent to save $. No issues with division of property, or child support, the point of contention is spousal support.

Ex stayed home for 6-years with the kids; did not give up an upwardly mobile career to do so. If she'd stayed in her pre-kids career, her current income would be about $14k higher than it is today.
She's looking for above high-end SSAG support.

This is such a painful process. The spousal support, especially, seems so unfair.

I'm hoping for to pay mid-range support for ~14-years, and to get the retroactive tax deduction for support I've paid since 2016. Not sure if this is reasonable.

Another question: my ex-mother-in-law contributed (she was the sole contributor) to an account jointly in my and my ex's name, for the kids education. Neither my ex nor I contributed to this account.
When it comes time for the kids to go to university, do I get any credit towards their university-related special expenses from these accounts, or since it was contributed by my ex's mother, do I not?

Anyhow, nice to "meet" you all! Thanks again in advance, I hope to be able to share some of my experiences here to help others also.

[Janus]

Originally Posted by AdmiralBenson

I'm hoping to self-represent to save $.

You make $150k a year. Find a cheap lawyer and do most of the legwork yourself if you are so inclined, but at least get a lawyer to provide a second opinion.

the point of contention is spousal support.

As it often is. CS is fairly cut and dry, as is equalization.

Ex stayed home for 6-years with the kids; did not give up an upwardly mobile career to do so. If she'd stayed in her pre-kids career, her current income would be about $14k higher than it is today.
She's looking for above high-end SSAG support.

How about your income? If you had to stay home and watch the kids for 6 years, what would your income have been? Imagine it would have been 100k. That extra 50k in income is essentially a marriage asset. Her sacrifices allowed you to have that income earning potential.


You can't just focus on what she lost, you also have to account for what you gained. Remember that your gains are for LIFE. You will have that higher income earning potential for the rest of your life.

This is such a painful process. The spousal support, especially, seems so unfair.

It is unfair that she was knocked out of the workforce while you progressed ever onwards and upwards.

Another question: my ex-mother-in-law contributed (she was the sole contributor) to an account jointly in my and my ex's name, for the kids education. Neither my ex nor I contributed to this account.
When it comes time for the kids to go to university, do I get any credit towards their university-related special expenses from these accounts, or since it was contributed by my ex's mother, do I not?

It is the kid's money, so it will count towards their contribution. Post secondary rulings are all over the map, so it is hard to make a good prediction. Rule of thumb in this forum is 1/3 kid and 2/3 split by parents proportional to income... but judges don't follow this forum.

[rockscan]

Are the kids in activities that use that $400 per month? If no then don’t pay it. You’re giving her free money. Plus when the kids get to university I would bet good money she won’t allow that $400 a month to be applied to your portion of the expense.

Janus is right on the bank account. Thats kids portion of the expense. It also gives you leverage to reduce other expenses like entertainment and meals out while they are in school as you can say its for that. If you don’t believe either of us, go to canlii and review the Lewi v. Lewi case.