Looking for books for targeted parents (alienation)

[Tired_Dad]

I recommend this book "Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You". It's a lot better than I thought, but keep in mind that it helps you deal with your kids (not how to deal with your toxic ex). It's only about $8 on amazon and I recommend it. It helped very quickly, mind you my kids are older. Good luck!!!

[Janus]

I had hopped by agreeing to 50/50 and joint custody, that my relationship with the child would be preserved and protected. But it seems I was wrong, and the mother's influencing of the child against me continues.

It is almost impossible to be the target of alienation with 50% shared physical custody. Just be a wonderful father when you have the kids. Who cares what the mother says? Kids are not blind, they will see the truth with their own eyes.


Alienation works when the target rarely sees the kids, which allows the lies to be said without rebuttal. Alienation essentially requires an ex parte custody situation. If the other side gets the speak, and that side is reasonable, the alienator can yap all they want, nothing will happen.

Not sure if it is because it is 5-5-2-2 instead of week about, or because the mother continues to have regular unsupervised access.

Smaller periods apart should make alienation more difficult, not easier. You have that backwards. 5522 is a bulwark against alienation, not an aid to it.

Also, re-integration therapy is still on the agenda

You must have money to burn. You have 50% time with the kids, be good and reintegration will happen naturally.

and the mother stops her influencing.

You cannot stop the mother from saying bad things about you. That's not alienation, and it cannot cause alienation. Stop focusing on mom and just be a good dad.


eg.


Mom: "Your father doesn't care about you at all"


Kid: (watches Dad wake up super early to make breakfast and clean clothes for a last minute school race)


Kid: (in his head) She is crazy to say that, Dad is awesome!

[iona6656]

Why does mom need supervised access? Did she harm or threaten to harm child?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[The-Iceberg]

I have 50% physical and legal custody yet ex is doing decent job at alienating. Fight fire with fire. Child getting old enough should know what a whore she is.

youngdad if you want I can tell you how I threatened my ex (made her fear the law and cas) when she was into PA years ago.

[kate331]

Maybe you just need a parenting course, or some therapy, just saying....

Some of your posts are over the top, and you come across as a women hater, patriarchal type father. Maybe your daughter is picking up on this?

Sometimes we need to step back and think what have we done to contribute to the situation at hand, instead of blaming others.

[The-Iceberg]

I have no daughter. I am no woman hater by any means. I am a bitch hater.

[Tayken]

Janus is bang-on. Also, all the books are BS and pop psychology nonsense.

[rockscan]

I have 50% physical and legal custody yet ex is doing decent job at alienating. Fight fire with fire. Child getting old enough should know what a whore she is.



youngdad if you want I can tell you how I threatened my ex (made her fear the law and cas) when she was into PA years ago.

And this is probably your problem.

SEEING your kids on a half time basis means you are seeing and spending your parenting time with your kids. Alienated children DO NOT SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT. There is a difference between bad mouthing you and alienating you. Maybe the book you should be reading is how to differentiate between alienation and bad mouthing.

[The-Iceberg]

And this is probably your problem.

SEEING your kids on a half time basis means you are seeing and spending your parenting time with your kids. Alienated children DO NOT SEE THEIR OTHER PARENT. There is a difference between bad mouthing you and alienating you. Maybe the book you should be reading is how to differentiate between alienation and bad mouthing.

Perhaps. It just angers me. Why in the hell would she do that. But of course when we talk seriously double alienation can only hurt the kid. I have a fg mental illness and I don't wish it on anybody. Yet there are others out there, much worse than being depressed.


But you cannot talk good about the other parent either. If my kid says "is it true that mom is 3x more important than dad" of course Im gonna say no. The child in my case is old enough to know she is lying but does fear her.

[rockscan]

Hopefully you are getting help for your mental illness which will also impact your ability to cope. And I say this as someone with a mental illness that requires medication and monitoring. I struggle to cope in stressful situations.

Your child will see more and more as they grow. It is definitely sad to be in a home with a parent intent on using you as a weapon against the other parent. Eventually their feet will do the talking for them. For now you simply have to redirect. “Daddy loves you and thats the most important thing”; “these are discussions for your mom and I, you shouldn’t be worrying”; “mom and dad are equally as important in your life and thats all that matters” etc.

Getting angry about it isnt going to help either. Take a deep breath, say some swear words in your head and then remember the reason you are divorced. THEN MOVE ON!

[arabian]

I had hopped by agreeing to 50/50 and joint custody, that my relationship with the child would be preserved and protected. But it seems I was wrong, and the mother's influencing of the child against me continues.

Not sure if it is because it is 5-5-2-2 instead of week about, or because the mother continues to have regular unsupervised access.

Anywho, just looking for books and literature that could help me better know how to respond to a child that has been programmed to hate the other parent.

If there are parents with first hand experience, your experience and feedback would be appreciated as well!

Also, re-integration therapy is still on the agenda and an agreed upon item. I am hoping this would help, and if not it may give me further and newer data to progress a case for sole custody. Sole custody is still an option in my amended motion to change as an alternative.

Any clause I should ask my lawyer to put into the final order, that the parents must complete re-integration to the satisfaction to the courts ? Basically, I want to say 50/50 is my final order I want, under the condition that we complete re-integration successfully, the child's relationship with me improves, and the mother stops her influencing.

Seems to me that your child is being raised by at least one parent who is extremely hateful (towards women).

IF you can't minimally respect the mother of your child then I think you have a problem. Sooner or later your misogyny will seep through and decisions will be made which may or may not been in your favor.

What is really interesting is that you have it seems, yet again, hired another female lawyer. Hmmm.

[The-Iceberg]

Hopefully you are getting help for your mental illness which will also impact your ability to cope. And I say this as someone with a mental illness that requires medication and monitoring. I struggle to cope in stressful situations.

Your child will see more and more as they grow. It is definitely sad to be in a home with a parent intent on using you as a weapon against the other parent. Eventually their feet will do the talking for them. For now you simply have to redirect. “Daddy loves you and thats the most important thing”; “these are discussions for your mom and I, you shouldn’t be worrying”; “mom and dad are equally as important in your life and thats all that matters” etc.

Getting angry about it isnt going to help either. Take a deep breath, say some swear words in your head and then remember the reason you are divorced. THEN MOVE ON!

Unless my depression is caused by something else, ms or meds, it is a treatment resisting one. I am trying to get into KETAMINE therapy. Hard to get on it though (not ketamine like street drugs but medical for depression). Even though I don't like swearing my shrink told me not to hold it. I also read in a science paper that swearing is healthy. I don't think swearing like an idiot but from time to time it is ok.

I try to keep my cool with her. Today I called a JH school to ask when does pre-registration starts and if the lady was correct it cannot be done before April. That works for me because I am not ready for a fight.

@Arabian. Sometimes you cannot teach your kid to love your ex, be it mum or dad. I surely cannot ever tell my kid to disrespect or dislike his mom but there are many parents who do not deserve to be mentioned. Rather than saying something bad I prefer not to say anything.

[The-Iceberg]

Thanks Janus. That helps.

Don't listen to him. If mom says dad hates you the child might believe it despite dad washing socks. Just tell your kid mom is a big liar

[kate331]

I have no daughter. I am no woman hater by any means. I am a bitch hater.

I wasn't referring to you Iceberg, sorry. My comment was directed at Youngdad. I want what everyone else wants on this forum a fairer justice system, but because I am a female I feel I get slammed by certain male members here.

[blinkandimgone]

Don't listen to him. If mom says dad hates you the child might believe it despite dad washing socks. Just tell your kid mom is a big liar

This is incredibly bad advice. Don't ever say anything negative to the child about the other parent, irrelevant of what they say or do.

You don't make yourself look like a better parent by trying to convince your child the other parent is a bad parent. You make yourself a better parent by BEING a good parent.

Please refrain from giving bad advice.