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  • Child and Spousal Support

    Hi, haven't posted in a while. Finally living on my own after being separated 3 years, but living in same home with ex. He is still in the marital home temporarily. Unfortunately I managed to find a lawyer who seems to be trying to gouge me financially so trust is broken; hence why I'm asking for advice here.

    Situation:

    I'm on long term disability. I'm 55 and have coverage until 65. I've been deemed not likely to improve by the disability provider so may receive disability another 10 years or may not. I am not able to work. The disability is sufficient to cover my expenses; therefore I don't want spousal support, partly due to fear that if left with insufficient funds to finance his need for materialistic things my ex will turn to our adult children to fund more than what is reasonable.

    Our 20 year old daughter in post-secondary for another 21 months has chosen to live with my ex as I can admit my primary reason for disability can be difficult for others. I accept that.

    I will be paying child support. My lawyer is suggesting spousal support to partially offset the child support.

    Questions:

    1. Can it be built into the separation agreement for spousal support to be paid only as long as child support is paid, and for the spousal support to start again should disability be discontinued before age 65?

    2. Can I request to pay a portion of the child support to the adult child and a portion to my ex? Asking this to reduce the ex having our daughter pay costs to him while he's receiving $450 a month from me to pay for those same things.

    I understand this is a question for my lawyer; as I said trust is lost and I thought someone might have experience with this or know of a link I can access to read about it.

    Thanks so much!

  • #2
    Originally posted by samantha4692 View Post
    Questions:

    1. Can it be built into the separation agreement for spousal support to be paid only as long as child support is paid, and for the spousal support to start again should disability be discontinued before age 65?

    It can, but the ex would need to agree to this. They may not like it given that it creates potential future responsibilities, essentially there would be the constant fear of you being cut off disability, and then they are on the hook. If I were them, I would work on something more permanent, like paying you lump sum spousal support now. Generally lump sum isn't ideal for the payor, as it isn't tax deductible versus monthly payments which are.


    2. Can I request to pay a portion of the child support to the adult child and a portion to my ex? Asking this to reduce the ex having our daughter pay costs to him while he's receiving $450 a month from me to pay for those same things.

    You can ask, but they don't have to agree. C/S is paid to the custodial parent to use as they deem fit, but supposedly for the benefit of the child. I don't know how reducing c/s paid to your ex and giving the difference to the kid will reduce how much the ex as from the kid. It could cause them to ask for more from the kid ultimately to make up the difference (which IMO they shouldn't be doing anyway as mentioned in another post, but I digress).

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you HammerDad!

      It's hard because my daughters and I are extremely close and if not for my disability she would be living with me. She tells me what she's paying for as well as our other daughter who no longer lives in the home and I'm wracked with guilt, so brain storming.

      Example: Daughter had a shared expense while I was still in the home. Ex asked me to pay entire amount because he's "tapped out"; then proceeds to go on a golfing trip with his friend and buy a motorcycle. When I mentioned it to him later he said he was tapped out because he was planning those things.

      I can see myself feeling so bad I'll end up paying the child support and also giving money to my children to make up for what their father is asking for, which obviously shouldn't be.

      I appreciate you telling me about the lump sum, it helps to be informed.

      Comment

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