Advice for a stepmom!!

[rockscan]

I'm sorry, but I do not agree with that. I have helped raise my step daughter for 18 years and she is a good girl and her mom has been an idiot for the same amount of time. If my step daughter comes to me and asks for help, I will help her as well as my husband. It's people who are not step parents that should say nothing. There are many step parents in this world who are rightly involved and even paying support to their step children. That's just the way it is. I know both sides of the story, and the one side that steals money from their child is an idiot no matter who it is. My step daughter is not a child receiving support because she's a minor. If she asks my advice, I will give it, period!

Youre not really stepping in if you are sharing her message with her father and encouraging him to help. If you were to go to mom yourself thats stepping in.

[Stepmom21]

I have never went to her mother myself, I already know that it's up to my husband to do that, but if my step daughter is asking my opinion and wants my advice, I will give it to her since she is an adult and she can decide what to do with that. I have dreamed of slapping her mother for 18 years, but it doesn't mean I would actually do it.

I haven't said my SD was going to school part-time, she is attending full-time until next year. She does work part-time though. She makes enough to pay her OSAP, car insurance, cell phone, food, etc..she does pay for all of that herself. She is a very responsible young woman and reading the texts her mom has sent her, her mom is the only one that is selfish, greedy and immature. I know the situation she is in. Her grades are good (my husband was provided with her grades) and she is trying to make a life for herself so she can be self sufficient when she leaves her mothers home. Her mother is receiving support from my husband, so she in no way should be asking her daughter for rent and collecting support at the same time. She didn't even tell my SD that she was receiving the support and was making her pay rent. Just because I am a step parent, it doesn't mean that I don't know what is going on. A mother should want her child to succeed in life. My son is 16 and I would never treat him the way my SD's mom treats her.

[denbigh]

Why does she go to school part time? To pay for school? She should just stop working during the school term and the parents both psy the section 7 expenses of her tuition and books and school fees. I thought students of divorced parents only pay 1/3 of school cost.

What if she just doesn’t pay the rent. I thought the mother and father are supposed to cover living expenses while in school?

Or is this a situation where agile is dragging out school and spent a chunk of time being unproductive in life?

[denbigh]

since mom is not helping anyway why not call her bluff and refuse to pay. Either will letbkid stay or kick her out. If kicked out and lives on her own does this now make her not a child of marriage ? I’m
Not sure. If not dad can still
Help
Her directly instead of via giving child
Support tommom, or maybe kid can take mom to court for her support but probably done school before that happens?

[Stepmom21]

I think people need to read the first post in it's entirety before posting comments.

Denbigh,

That is the exact advice I decided to give her. I told my SD last night to just refuse to pay the rent and that if her mom is dumb enough to kick her out because of it, her Dad will change the money situation so that we can give money directly to her instead. I'm very sure her mother will just give up at that point because she will not want to lose the money that she is receiving from my husband. Once my SD is done school, working full-time and my husband is not paying, then her mom has the right to ask for rent, but not before.

[Stepmom21]

And she works part-time because she wants to.

[Stepmom21]

This would never happen. Child support ends when the child moves out and neither parent is obligated to provide any money at all. If she knows anything at all about family law she will know this is a completely unenforceable threat

You're barking up the wrong tree with this.

If the child wants to move out and dad wants to help her, he certainly can. He has zero chance of getting the mother ordered to help pay.

There is a difference between moving out and if her mom kicks her out. Kicking her out while she is going to school just because she won't pay rent when her mom is already getting support payments would definitely be grounds for applying for support from her mother when she leaves. Both parents should be paying, but in this case her mother wants my husband and her daughter to pay while she pays nothing.

[blinkandimgone]

Then she is in contempt of the order and the proper avenue is taking it back to court to have it enforced.

[Stepmom21]

Obviously going back to court would be how it's all done, but that doesn't mean a judge won't order both parents to pay an adult child support when living away from them both and going to school. There are so many facts in adult cases that you never really know what they will decide. Everyone keeps saying 1/3 for educational costs, but really, each person's share is based on their income. My husband was not ordered to pay any educational costs UNLESS there is some not covered by his daughters earnings and OSAP. Then if there are leftover costs he would pay his proportionate share based on his income. It is not automatically 1/3 for each.

[HammerDad]

It sounds like the Ex is suggesting that she would save the "rent" for the kid as a means of a forced savings. Not saying that would actually happen, but from the initial posts and how it was said that the ex was trying to help her save, that is my take.


I am not sure that there is anything preventing the ex from charging rent to the adult child. Yes, c/s is being paid, which covers Dad's proportional share of the costs for raising the child. But I don't think there is any law against the ex doing what she has threatened.


It kinda sounds like the kid is playing both parents against each other too. I understand the child doesn't want to pay rent, and likely can't given they only work part time, while in school full time. But being an adult, the daughter who should be dealing with the ex. Involving dad here only exacerbates the issue by causing the mom to have to deal with him, a person whom she likely has low opinions of.


I don't agree that mom should be charging rent, even if it is a forced savings. I would recommend that the daughter talk to her mom, show her what she makes, her expenses and be clear there is a limited ability to make more while she is in school. That she already covers things that her dad helps pay for (it was said she pays for her own food, clothing etc., all of which are covered by c/s). That she doesn't have the ability to pay more. And asking her to, even if the reasoning is somewhat noble in the forced savings, will actually cause her more stress.

[sahibjee]

I would have him do that. Simply “I have been advised by SD that you are demanding rent from her and that you will cut off access to utilities if she fails to comply. I remind you that SD’s room and board is covered under child support and she is under no obligation to pay you while you are receiving that funding. Should you continue to demand this from her, I will be motioning to have child support paid directly to sd, help her move into alternate accommodations and help her motion to have your portion of her school and living expenses paid to her in accordance with the federal child support guidelines.”

yes, and also ask for the mom to refund the child for all the money the child has paid her in rent so far, the mom is entitled to $0 from the child and her collecting rent from the child while collecting CS is financial abuse.

[standing on the sidelines]

I would carefully look at the factual circumstances from her point of view. There's always 2 sides to the story. Once you have a full picture you can apply the law to the facts. It may not be as straightforward as you think and we should never assume.
Ashley

this isnt a court room. We give advice based on the facts presented.

Edited to remove quoted advertising link. -blink

[Stepmom21]

It sounds like the Ex is suggesting that she would save the "rent" for the kid as a means of a forced savings. Not saying that would actually happen, but from the initial posts and how it was said that the ex was trying to help her save, that is my take.

I mentioned in a previous post that people really need to read the entire post, but I should have mentioned that they should understand it too. The "ex" is NOT helping her save. What I said was that my SD's mother was calling my SD selfish and greedy when all my SD is trying to do is save money to pay for her educational costs which the judge ordered her to cover on her own. Her mother is taking money from my husband and then is charging my SD rent money that she cannot afford. She is not taking this money to save it for her at a later date, which would be a good thing. She is taking it for her own selfish reasons. She has been a selfish greedy person for years and I know my SD. She is a good girl and not trying to make her mom and dad fight. Her older siblings have moved out and barely talk to their mom for the same reasons as what she is putting my SD through. I am not here for judgements against my SD, just advice about what she could do to get her selfish and greedy mother off her back until she is done school.

[Stepmom21]

yes, and also ask for the mom to refund the child for all the money the child has paid her in rent so far, the mom is entitled to $0 from the child and her collecting rent from the child while collecting CS is financial abuse.

I totally agree with this, but the chances of getting her to give money back to her is 0%. FRO made an error with a couple of payments my husband made a little while back and ended up paying her late. It was FRO's fault, not his, and she filled out a form to claim interest of a whole $8. FRO obvioulsy did not charge my husband the $8 because they were the ones that made the mistake, but seriously, how is someone that desperate for $8 calling someone else greedy?

[HammerDad]

I mentioned in a previous post that people really need to read the entire post, but I should have mentioned that they should understand it too. The "ex" is NOT helping her save. What I said was that my SD's mother was calling my SD selfish and greedy when all my SD is trying to do is save money to pay for her educational costs which the judge ordered her to cover on her own. Her mother is taking money from my husband and then is charging my SD rent money that she cannot afford. She is not taking this money to save it for her at a later date, which would be a good thing. She is taking it for her own selfish reasons. She has been a selfish greedy person for years and I know my SD. She is a good girl and not trying to make her mom and dad fight. Her older siblings have moved out and barely talk to their mom for the same reasons as what she is putting my SD through. I am not here for judgements against my SD, just advice about what she could do to get her selfish and greedy mother off her back until she is done school.

I read the entire thread. If you read my post you would see that I see "it sounds like" and "Not saying that would actually happen".



I also said there is likely little that your spouse can do. They are being put in the middle of a fight that, while it appears they are a party to, they aren't. This is between the ex and the daughter. Putting your spouse in the mix only creates further tensions. I doubt a court would order that a parent not be allowed to use their reasonable discretion on how they maintain their household. And while I agree, charging the kid rent while receiving c/s is dubious at best, I doubt it would deemed "unreasonable" by a judge. Further, how much is you spouse willing to spend to fight this battle?



I do recommend speaking to a lawyer and getting their opinion if you really want to help. If they say you are on solid grounds, then move forward. But I just think it will be an uphill battle that is going to take time and money.


I say this a c/s payor and a dad who is looking at college in a few years. But also as an individual who believes that parents are allowed to use their reasonable judgment to parent as they deem fit in their own house.