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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-11-2005, 03:10 AM
quake quake is offline
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Default Infant Access and Breastfeeding

My situation is as follows

We attended court when my daughter was 7 months of age. Basicaly the Judge said was this, due to breast feeding contact could only occur a few times a week. He ignored the fact of breast pump etc. Also, as he put it, its important that the child continue to be breastfeed for bonding etc. If this was the case, then every bottle feed infant would not bond with their parents. However, A consent order entailed. A review of the order when my daughter was 1 year old. On review, she claimed she was still breastfeeding. 10 days later the case was dismissed by the registar by mistake. It was during this dismissal, my daughters mother told me that she was no longer breastfeeding. I got the case reinstated, and when she found out about this she withheld my daughter for 40 minutes and had her mother come outside and claim that she was breastfeeding, hence the reason for the delay. My daughter is now 19 months, and I see her for 3 hrs a week. I get no time for holidays. There is no order for custody or support for that matter. I do pay support voluntarily tabled amount. I feel the time is inadequate but at the same time if we go to court again, I suspect she will claim breastfeeding to limit the relationship. Why doesn't she have to provide proof. How long will the courts support breastfeeding. Can this go on forever. Any help, ideas is appreciated

Thanks
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Old 10-11-2005, 12:31 PM
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your kidding right....breastfeeding at that age?

Sounds like the issue of breastfeeding is being used to estblish defacto custody or she is just vindictive and keeping the child from you.

Take the matter back to court, she can't breast feed forever. Ask the courts for a mental examination on her through courts of justice act

Section 105 of the Courts of Justice Act gives the court the discretion to order that a party undergo a physical or mental examination by one or more health practitioners when the physical or mental condition of that party is “in question”.
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Old 10-11-2005, 07:24 PM
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Hi quake and welcome,

There's an interesting article about this here:
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/breastfeed.htm

I do think you could get more access than 3 hours a week - that seems very little even if your ex really were breastfeeding. That doesn't mean you should run to court tomorrow asking for a change in access. But you should speak with a lawyer and develop a strategy to methodically increase your access over time.
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Old 10-11-2005, 08:54 PM
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Jeff,

That argument was used and in fact she did have a breastpump before separation but claimed to have sold it afterwards. I did offer to buy her a replacement of her choice, but she refused to take me up on the offer and also stated that she would never supply any breast milk for any access.

The Judge at the case conferece stated that he came from a family of 6 and all were breastfeed. The Judge said there was a difference between bottle and breastfeeding in regards to bonding. The Judge said that she wouldn't be expected to supply breastmilk. I even had an article attached to my brief
Joan B Kelly, Micheal E Lamb, USING CHILD DEVELOPMENT RESEARCH TO MAKE APPROPRIATE CUSTODY AND ACCESS DECISIONS FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
FAMILY AND CONCILIATION COURTS REVIEW, Vol. 38 No. 3, July 2000 297-311 where in this article provides recomendations in infant access including breastfeed infants.

Regardless, I know I have to wait it out. I agree with you 100% that the time is infrequent or adequate. My daughter barely remembers and the first part of the visit is spent getting reacquainted. There are other issues such as medical information sharing. 5 letters and a court order to authorize direct contact with the relevent professional. The Dr. will not release information or let me have a copy of my daughters medical file basically due to the fact that I don't have custody. I told him neither does the mother. This did not seem to matter. I know very little about my daughters health. The Judge told them they where breaking the law by not releasing this information but they continue to do so.

They have made a number of allegations against me implying that I was sort of criminal in an effort to create a negative perception. I have no record, have various security clearances with the government. I am gainfully employed for 18 years same employer, own my home and I am stable.

I guess they figure I will get frustrated enough and just walk away. I can't do this as I love my daughter very much, I am a good parent, I am responsible.
I think they limit my time as they do not want me to bond with her and are only agreeing to a bare minimum to prevent and foster the relationship further.

The last appearance they lied and claimed she did not even use a sipper cup, which I also had many pictures that contradicted this. How can they stand in front of the Judge and lie like that. Do the Judges not read the material submitted. Why are they allowed to commit perjury.

If this goes on I will never have a chance to parent my daughter, as I did ask for joint custody. Currently, she does not have custody either and she has yet to file a motion to obtain an interim order. I realize they will look at where my daughter has been living all this time. So much for both parents entitled to custody.

Thanks for the advice
Quake
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Old 10-12-2005, 11:40 PM
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That's a tough situation you're in and I do think you'll have a big fight ahead. However, if everything you say is true, I think the chances are good you'll be successful in the end. Patience is very important in family law situations!

I am familiar with that article, and it's a very good one. One problem though with just attaching it to a brief is that it would be considered expert evidence and hearsay and a judge would generally not be allowed to consider it.
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Old 10-14-2005, 11:59 AM
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I have come across this ontario case law that is similar to your situation.

http://www.canlii.org/on/cas/oncj/2005/2005oncj106.html

The father did get his weekends eventually but lost out on joint custody basically on the manner he persued litigation from what I understand. He had no regards to breastfeeding.
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:24 AM
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Interesting case! I've never seen a dispute before as to what name to use for a child.
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Old 10-17-2005, 06:45 PM
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This is what I was told about breastfeeding. My ex and I tried to reconcile and I became pregnant. Then he decided he didn't want to be a "full time father" or to be with me. He just wants visitation.

I contacted a lawyer to find out how things will work since I am going to breastfeed. I was told that he will still be allowed visitation that I will be told to bottle the milk for when it is his weekend or evening with the baby.
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:35 PM
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Jeff,

That is coincidental you would say to have patience as the Judge did say have patience and your going to get everything you want. He also kept saying the word "two" throughout the case conference. I am not sure what that meant.

I did have a wonderful short visit with my daughter this past weekend. I try to make the most of the short time we have together. During this visit, my daugher referred me to as "Bad Daddy" a number of times. I find these words to be somewhat disturbing and I am not to sure what to make of it. I can only hope it is being said by mistake and no one is teaching her to say this.

I realize I am in for a long fight, her lawyer is paid for courtesy of the taxpayers. She refuses to mediate and or settle anything. She has told me a number of times if I didn't like it to take her to court.

Quake
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:47 PM
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Have you considered getting the Office of the Children's Lawyers involved. It is funding by the Gov., no cost to you.
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