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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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Old 01-15-2018, 09:00 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Default Stress Leave

My ex informed me today that duty council at the Family Court advised him to take a leave of absence from work during the court proceedings. So he is now currently on stress leave, with a letter from his Family Doctor.

I think its unethical for a lawyer to do this, but I guess anything goes in Family Court.

Has anyone else heard of this as tactic in Family Law?
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Old 01-15-2018, 10:44 PM
Newfie76 Newfie76 is offline
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I think you should let this one be.....among everything else you may be throwing at your ex.... Women have a history of being very cut throat without even realizing the damages they do. You women are very entitled.

For me....depression hit me hard...but I could not take stress leave...because I had to finance my divorce, pay child support, pay spousal support, look for a new place to live that can cover 3 heads, find a way to finance a new place to live, find a affordable vehicle, make sure my kids had everything they needed all while losing everything I worked for, life savings, my house, my car and all possessions.

For most women 99%, I truly believe they have no concept as to what this does to a man....I know my ex said what I gave her was and is not enough.

Since being single...I've dated several women that were divorced. All collecting the big bucks....shameful. One admitted it was a lottery win. Little did she know my history.

Its not a tactic..... mental health is very real. Maybe grow a true heart, and let him go.
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Old 01-15-2018, 11:50 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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That seems to be odd advice. It’s not like a broken leg where you know in 6 weeks time the cast is off, your leg is healed and you can go back to work. Taking stress leave during “court proceedings”? So you’re expected to take 6-20 years off work?
Good way to lose your job.
Better to take time off to go into intensive therapy and treatment for a time limited period rather than “during court proceedings”.
Your lawyer can request his medical and treatment records as he will have to show the court why he is taking time off and must show that it is legitimate, not just a strategy to reduce his obligations. Same goes for a mother who does this.

Last edited by Stillbreathing; 01-15-2018 at 11:54 PM.
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Old 01-16-2018, 01:01 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I thought it was odd too, because we have been separated for over a year now and he has moved on to a new relationship which he seems very happy with. Its the full table child support that he says is stressing him out, he cant afford it, and now the added Daycare cost as I am back to work would put him in a deficit (he isnt currently paying that now, but is worried a Judge could order it).

Either together or separated children do cost $$$, like newfie76 says, its hard financially to move on, where we disagree is I think its just as hard on Mom's as Dad's. Its a real struggle at least for me, to pay the rent, put food on the table, and now cover daycare. (I am on the waiting list for subsidized daycare, but the wait list I am told is over 1 year). You would think that if your off on stress leave, you would be available to watch your kids full-time, but apparently he didn't think of that, and as of tonight thinking of going back to work part-time. I wonder if a Judge would see that? If we could cut some of the daycare fees, that would REALLY help.

I want to go to the Doctors too, and sign up for one of those stress leaves, to get away from my kids, who are driving me nuts! IMO working is far less stressful.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:53 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
IMO working is far less stressful.

I have little tolerance for those who claim that staying at home is somehow stressful. I do absolutely everything that a stay-at-home parent does, but I also work at a full time job. Watching kids is not stressful; unless you live in an opium den, kids are good at not dying.
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Old 01-16-2018, 10:54 AM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Depends on the nature of your job, and the personalities of your children, I would think, as well as your own personality. Most people cope best when they have balance between both work and childcare.

I'd take a day of playing with my children over my job any day. However, I would prefer working than arguing with my kids about cleaning up after themselves and doing their homework.

As for stress leave, there are two extremes that could be happening. Yes, someone could go on a manufactured 'stress leave' not because they are experiencing unmanageable stress, but to give them a reduction in income and more time to prep for court. But family court IS very stressful and hard to deal with, and taking time away from work helps.

I suppose you could argue that the reduction in income is temporary and the person should be imputed to their full income, because if they took the stress leave due to the pressure of family court, once the trial is over, the stress should be gone and they can return to work.

What is your ex's job? Is it paid stress leave? How is he supporting himself?

In your specific case, time to remind your ex that 50-50 would involve less financial strain to him due to the offset system. And yes, if he's off work, he's perfectly able to care for the children while you work, and save you both daycare costs.

If he doesn't want 50-50, a judge is going to tell him he's got to pay table CS. If he doesn't want to care for the kids or pay CS either, I imagine that thought could be stressful.
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Old 01-16-2018, 11:32 AM
zanman zanman is offline
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I agree the stress that comes with this is over the top , I have dealing with this for 4 years and it seems its never going to end she just keeps asking and taking more. I have trouble just getting up for work most days.

Its an aweful situation that people get put through , my doctor has told me many times to take time off for stress leave but I just can't
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Old 01-16-2018, 04:31 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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I dont know the details yet on how much of income he will now get from his leave, he asked and got an extension for filling out his financial information. I do know he faxed a Dr's note to my lawyers office, and when I spoke with him the other nite, he said the Lawyer at the Family Law Clinic told him to ask for a stress leave.

He is a personal trainer and works on a base salary and commission. He does have benefits including short term disability. Also the ability to take on private clients for cash under the table, so he can support himself that way in the meantime. He also lives with his girlfriend, so I can only guess that she works and can help him with bills short term. He is willing when he returns to work to pay the table child support, but cant afford any section 7 expenses such as daycare or summer camp. I dont know how flexible Judges are when it comes to Section 7 expenses. Any advice is appreciated.

Imo the 50/50 split would be the ideal solution, but its been a struggle for over a year now to increase his access do to his work schedule . He currently sees them Wednesday nites for a dinner out, and overnights from Saturday at 5:00 pm till Sundays at 5:00 pm, but its inconsistent at times. Until our next court date in March he wants to keep the current schedule, as he does plan on returning to work when we finalize everything.

Our 3 year is Autistic, I admit I find it a struggle some days to meet his needs and yes I find it exhausting especially as a single parent. When I look back at our relationship, I think it was the strain of caring for the children that put us over the edge. I started lurking on OD for advice and legal info, and there was a poster here named LovingFather, he worked with special needs kids, and I though he would understand and give me some advice, but just as soon as I joined he disappeared hopefully off to a new life with the stress of Family Court behind him
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:05 PM
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Stress leave from work to deal with family court sounds a tad melodramatic.

Unless your ex is applying for a stay of enforcement from paying you then it would make no difference. Has he filed a stay of enforcement?

In order for him to have his income reduced (for the purposes of determining support) he would have to prove to the court that his "disability" is ongoing or permanent.

You do have a current court order or separation filed? Or is this all happening prior to that being done?

Sorry, I haven't reviewed all of your previous posts.
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Old 01-16-2018, 09:58 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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We have nothing so far, just a first appearance last week and a court date for March (case conference), he hasn't even done his Financial Form yet. The wheels in Family Court are slow!!!

In the meantime we are trying to hash out some of it without lawyers, hence why I am here. I need a Court Order specifically for Custody as we have an open file with CAS and they wont close it until they see a Court Order. According to my lawyer a Judge wont sign off on Custody until there is Child Support in place. We were common law so no assets involved. Just custody (which is not an issue right now) its the support payments thats the biggest issues, and then access, I am asking for 2 weeks a year (not in a row), as we currently do not split the school breaks.
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