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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 07-20-2019, 01:46 PM
DazedAndAbused DazedAndAbused is offline
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Default Partner Did Not Contribute Significantly

Hi Everybody,

Thank you for reading this and any advice you can offer. I want to avoid giving too many details so that I don't identify myself.

I am separated from my partner. We were married for 5 years. My partner was finishing school before we got married. We were living together during that time and for 3 years before we got married. After we got married my partner was all set to start a lucrative career but seemed to lack the motivation or focus to actually continue with it. About three years ago my partner decided to get into an entirely different field and started a second lucrative career. They now make approximately the same amount of money as me.

During our relationship, I paid for almost everything. Mortgage. Utilities. Groceries. Insurance. Etc. My partner has contributed in some ways like paying smaller bills (e.g. internet, Spotify, etc.) and buying small ticket items for the house (some furniture, cookware, etc.) and occasionally buying food. My partner also paid for their own living (clothing, car, etc.). I took care of most of the chores around the house as my partner was often absent for long stretches of time and did not have the energy or motivation to help around the house. In the last year or so, they would be gone for days or weeks on end for work.

Although they have never shared their finances with me, I know they have put themselves into a great deal of debt chasing two careers. As a result, I would definitely be at a disadvantage with respect to an equalization payment. I am wondering if the fact that I essentially carried the load for 8 years and did not receive any significant help from my partner would help me in any way. I'm content to give them some money but I certainly don't want to give them half since they have already benefited from essentially having free room and board so they could do whatever they wanted.

Many thanks,
Dazed And Abused
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Old 07-20-2019, 04:45 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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It is a short duration marriage, and it sounds like you did not intermingle finances. You earn the same so spousal support is probably off the table. Your worry is that the assets (pension, house,?) aquired by you since co-habitation will need to be split, as your ex has a large debt he has run up. You want to document what you know of what assets/debts both of you individually had the day you moved in together vs what debts/assets you had on the separation day. Ideally, you want to show you had assets and he had debts on the date of Cohab (and he left with more assets than debts and your debt load increased), but you have to be truthful - making shit up WILL bite you in the ass.

Fill out the Net Family propert statement with everything you know. If you were paying all the bills then where did his money go? Was he paying down pre-martial debt with his income? Was he accumulating savings or assets like a car/pension? If you actually have a huge amount of assets he is entitled to half (just like you are entitled to his assets) - but only if it is claimed within six years of the date of separation. So if he is unmotivated and you donít pursue anything after six years you basically just walk away from the whole equalization argument. You canít file for divorce until after though, or else equalization will be brought up.

Last edited by tilt; 07-20-2019 at 04:48 PM.
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Old 07-21-2019, 08:07 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Janus will become famous soon enoughJanus will become famous soon enough

If your partner's lucrative career had taken off, would you have been content to let them keep their earnings? Doubtful. People are always eager to share the goods, but are less motivated to share the crap.

Anyhow, the question is moot. Partner acquired debt to try and earn income, and presumably you accepted that. 8 years together is not long term, but it is not so short that any exception would apply. Debt was not obtained recklessly to fuel say, a gambling or drug habit. Sounds like you don't have any kids that would create a need for an unequal equalization.

Fill out the financial disclosure as tilt indicated, but be aware that if partner wants half partner will almost certainly get half, assuming assets are greater than debts. Fighting it just means that you spend money on lawyers.
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Old 07-21-2019, 04:38 PM
DazedAndAbused DazedAndAbused is offline
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Honestly yes. We always agreed that we would keep whatever each of us earned individually. I know it is human nature to be greedy but I had a similar opportunity in the past and did not take advantage. Perhaps I am naive but I would rather like who I am and be able to sleep at night than to not keep my word. My partner, however, seems to be the type you describe. :-(

I would also rather not fight it and waste money on lawyers. As much as my partner has caused me emotional distress over the past few years, I still care about them and want them to be happy. Just because we aren't compatible doesn't mean I want to screw them over. If they want more money than we initially agreed to I would rather give it to them immediately than have either of us waste it on lawyers.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it.
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