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  • #31
    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
    Finding guy that will have sex with you is not a major accomplishment for a woman it just means you aren't hideous. If she finds a rich guy to MARRY her and put himself is support payment liability would be when I would start wondering....

    Any divorced women is going get a serious level of skepticism from any successful man especially if they are divorced. Every (90+%) divorced guy who isn't broke is paying their ex-wife something and I am sure don't want to repeat it.

    I will say this though that I do read about court cases where guys are getting raped on their second divorces too, makes you wonder....
    I'm a divorced woman.

    I'm also getting remarried to a guy that's far, far, far more successful than my ex.

    My new partner pays his ex-wife a substantial amount of SS and believes she deserves the money for raising their kids.

    I don't think my fiancé ever looked at me with skepticism. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce and people get re-married every day.

    Links...you really make a lot of very silly sexist statements that have zero to do with any reality except your own.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      I thoroughly doubt he is using her for money, that is a one way deal in many relationships for today. I was actually thinking the other day why relationships with well paid women don't work. Maybe its because they sort of resent having to share (social programming) whereas men are trained to "provide for the family".

      I also bet we can count on our hands the number of women who trade down from spousal support to New partner support. Sure they might risk SS when there is a new guy who can give them way more but if there is a chance they lose their SS for not much more "New partner support" they will make sure to never cohabit (like we have seen here).
      Sigh...another ridiculous post.

      I actually paid all the bills in my marriage with the agreement that my ex would "invest" our money for early retirement. He ended up day-trading most of my hard-earned money away. But that's my fault for letting him do it.

      I worked, I paid all the bills and I know a LOT of women that work every single day to support the family. Are you actually trying to suggest that relationships with working women never work out? Are you also trying to suggest that working women don't contribute their income to provide for the family and don't believe that that's their responsibility? That is a completely insulting, sexist, pathetic statement.

      My new partner is planning to retire early. When he does, he'll be on a US government pension, will live in my house that I own in full, and most of his pension money will go to SS for his ex-wife. I do very well career-wise ...so instead of having him dip into retirement savings, we've worked it out that I'll manage all the household bills. I purposely live way under my income level because I need to make up all the retirement money that my ex blew during marriage. So I can easily manage.

      Due to the nature of his background and his work ethic, its unlikely that he won't be making another income after retirement but he can take as much time as he likes to relax after his long career and figure out what he feels like doing next, I am certainly more than willing to handle the financial end of things by myself until he figures it out.

      You really enjoy bashing women and suggesting that they are self-serving, greedy creatures but the fact of the matter is that you're speaking of the women YOU'VE chosen to have relationships with. Maybe that's a function of who you are as much as its a function of who they are.

      I learned from my marriage to pick a better quality of man. That I picked a bad husband was MY fault. I don't blame every other man for the fact that I married a jackass...nor do I dare suggest that all men are jackasses.

      You'll stop hating women when you start taking personal responsibility for your own actions. We all make mistakes, however, some of us actually own them and learn something from them.

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
        I thoroughly doubt he is using her for money, that is a one way deal in many relationships for today. I was actually thinking the other day why relationships with well paid women don't work. Maybe its because they sort of resent having to share (social programming) whereas men are trained to "provide for the family".
        Really? From what do you deduce this? I'm a well-paid woman (years of education, plus working pretty much non-stop to move up the professional ladder), and I believe my bf would say our relationship works just fine, thank you. Lots of other women on this board are similar.

        And concerning women resenting "having to share" - there are decades of research in economics showing that income earned by women is more likely to be directed to children and other family members than income earned by men, a greater share of which goes into personal consumption and luxuries. Note that I am not saying that all, or even most, men don't like to share their income,or that all women are altruistic. I'm just pointing out that your statement has no basis.

        Perhaps you meant that your relationships with financially successful women haven't worked? In which case, where is the problem?

        Comment


        • #34
          Pursuing, congratulations on being a better person than either Link or Movingon's ex-wives.

          Sadly, they didn't get to marry and divorce you, they had the unfortunate luck of marrying women of lesser character.

          The fact that decent ones like you exist is really very little comfort to them, to be honest. It sounds like MovingOn's wife decided to have some kind of pre-mid-life crisis and move 400 kilometres away, and Link's wife actually had an affair with her own cousin. Me? My ex tricked me into moving our family 400km away from the marital home to be closer to her parents and siblings, and I then discovered that she had actually wanted to be closer to her ex-boyrfriend from high school.

          One of your quotes kind of bothered me to be honest:

          "but the fact of the matter is that you're speaking of the women YOU'VE chosen to have relationships with. Maybe that's a function of who you are as much as its a function of who they are"

          Sorry, but there are some of us who marry in good faith to people who seem good, and it can take us many years to discover that they are not the people they represented themselves to be. That is certainly me. Blaming my ex-wife's infidelity on my inability to pick a better wife would be akin to blaming a rape victim for dressing slutty.

          Some of us have a right to be bitter about being screwed over by partners who broke our hearts, gleaned large sums of money off of us in the process, and still remain in our lives because we decided to have kids with that person.

          Comment


          • #35
            There's a third possibility - people change. The person you married at your wedding may not be the same person in five or ten or fifteen years time. I believe I married the right person at the time, but over the course of many years, that person became someone I could not be married to. My perception is that his personality disintegrated over the course of about ten years and then reformed along very different, negative lines. His perception is probably different. Looking back, I can see the seeds of some major dysfunctions as far back as before we were married, but hindsight is 20/20, and at the time, I also saw many good qualities in him. That's one of the saddest parts of the divorce for me, that the person I used to admire has disappeared as surely as if he had died.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by Straittohell View Post

              Sorry, but there are some of us who marry in good faith to people who seem good, and it can take us many years to discover that they are not the people they represented themselves to be. That is certainly me. Blaming my ex-wife's infidelity on my inability to pick a better wife would be akin to blaming a rape victim for dressing slutty.

              Some of us have a right to be bitter about being screwed over by partners who broke our hearts, gleaned large sums of money off of us in the process, and still remain in our lives because we decided to have kids with that person.
              Sad but true. That is like my situation as well.

              Some of us are 100% committed to a marriage and committed to making it work, and the other spouse just can't keep it in their pants long enough to sort it out.

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by stripes View Post
                There's a third possibility - people change. The person you married at your wedding may not be the same person in five or ten or fifteen years time. I believe I married the right person at the time, but over the course of many years, that person became someone I could not be married to. My perception is that his personality disintegrated over the course of about ten years and then reformed along very different, negative lines. His perception is probably different. Looking back, I can see the seeds of some major dysfunctions as far back as before we were married, but hindsight is 20/20, and at the time, I also saw many good qualities in him. That's one of the saddest parts of the divorce for me, that the person I used to admire has disappeared as surely as if he had died.
                I absolutely agree with this as well. The person I married was very different from who he became at the deterioration of the relationship, and is still different yet from the epic loser he's become now.

                In my mind, marriages are up and down and he bailed in one of our (many) down times. I thought we would stick it out and head back on an up, but his cheating stopped that right in it's tracks.

                And like the OP, he's found another young, naive girl to fall for his tactics. I have no doubt she'll be in my position in 5-10 years.

                Comment


                • #38
                  The bottom line is, you cant go into a new relationship, whether its with a rich or poor person, divorced or not, with preconceived notions about who they are and what they think. If you assume someone is a bitch because they have more money they will be but only because you are probably exuding resentment.

                  I make much more money than my partner and we both suffer the outcomes of the issues with his ex wife. I love him for the person he is and how he makes me feel when we're together. The difference between me and his ex wife is that Im respectful, I discuss instead of control, and I consider his emotional well being when hes suffering from one of her attacks. I had the same idea of "no one divorced, no one with kids, no one with baggage" but opened my mind when I met him. Some people are more than their salary, baggage, lifestyle. As long as you keep seeing women as these money hungry soul sucking bitches, youre going to attract poor quality prospects. Change your mind and youll be surprised at what you get.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Hey, I didn't let my past with my ex taint me one bit. I ended up finding a nice girl a few years younger than me, with a kid of her own, who has a dad that isn't in the picture. I make double her salary. I'm not worried about her taking me to the cleaners. I'm not jealous and paranoid that she is going to cheat.

                    I fully recognize that my ex changed into something other than I married, and yes, I am mature enough to not let my feelings around my ex hold my current partner hostage.

                    That being said, my original point stands: There is nothing wrong with being bitter about being shafted by an ex. It doesn't guarantee that you're going to have a jaded perspective on future relationships, it just means you're not happy about how the last one turned out. I don't understand why people talk about bitterness as if it is a form of weakness. People don't have cease being bitter to move on, though it can be nice.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      I should also note, hes been talking to someone to get over the psychological damage the ex did so we can have a healthy relationship. Constantly seeing me as like her broke me. And now our only problem is not letting her constant bs impact our happiness.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        One of your quotes kind of bothered me to be honest:

                        "but the fact of the matter is that you're speaking of the women YOU'VE chosen to have relationships with. Maybe that's a function of who you are as much as its a function of who they are"

                        Sorry, but there are some of us who marry in good faith to people who seem good, and it can take us many years to discover that they are not the people they represented themselves to be. That is certainly me. Blaming my ex-wife's infidelity on my inability to pick a better wife would be akin to blaming a rape victim for dressing slutty.
                        I directed this comment at Links because he often makes misogynistic generalizations about women.

                        In addition, I'd like to add there are sometimes men (and women) that pick partners for VERY superficial reasons and then seem surprised when those same women treat them like a meal ticket. They start forming opinions of all women based on the superficial ones THEY pick.

                        And that's what I was referring to.

                        I also married in good faith but looking back, I should have seen the train coming. I should have been more diligent about protecting myself and my children from someone who became increasingly self-focused and irresponsible with money. Yes, I married in good faith but I didn't take enough action to hold my ex-spouse accountable to the expectations that I had. That is my fault.

                        Moving forward, its important to own your mistakes...to figure out how try to avoid them in the future...and to stop blaming everyone else for the choices you decided to make. That's how you get emotionally healthy after divorce and stop walking the earth bitter, angry and hate-filled.

                        Its not womankind's fault that Links married a bad woman. Her characteristics are hers alone. And you'll notice on this forum that its usually directed the women...you'll see far less attacking generalizations on all men. There is a common thread of misogynist statements made far too often.

                        It gets extremely tiresome.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Some of us have a right to be bitter about being screwed over by partners who broke our hearts, gleaned large sums of money off of us in the process, and still remain in our lives because we decided to have kids with that person.
                          I totally understand the OP's need to vent. I'm very sympathetic...I've done it myself many times.

                          But at some point, you have to realize the bitterness really isn't serving you well. It really just furthers the punishment of your ex if you let it continue indefinitely.

                          I've seen a lot of people who are permanently changed after divorce and not for the better. They walk the planet miserable, bitter, hate-filled and they don't realize they exude that negativity in everything they do and say.

                          So yes...vent when you need it but then own it and move along. Even on the worst day of my divorce, I knew that life was pretty damned great. My marriage resulted in beautiful children and a great learning experience for the future.

                          Believe me, your ex doesn't give a crap if you walk the planet miserable. In fact, my ex would love that.

                          Personally, I choose happiness.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Firstly, I am not basing my post on my own anecdotal experience while others are. I didn't refer what to my past or whatever.

                            I made the following statements and I will qualify them

                            Divorced men will evaluate a divorced women skeptically at first
                            We can take a vote - do the divorced guys when they meet a new woman trust her version of events as she says them? I would definitely question a women's version of events (or a man's for that matter) after divorce.

                            I'm also getting remarried to a guy that's far, far, far more successful than my ex.
                            You traded up!

                            My new partner pays his ex-wife a substantial amount of SS and believes she deserves the money for raising their kids.
                            He probably left her, guys are more noble when they leave marriages (sexist I know) but its the same as white knights....


                            well paid
                            What I specifically meant are relationships where women outearn the men, from my reading a sort of resentment builds up which leads to divorce. I didn't mean to say when a woman works the relationship will fail. A bunch of articles talk about it, I can post them. Also the trend that higher earning women don't get married.... because the don't "need" men anymore....


                            there are decades of research in economics showing that income earned by women is more likely to be directed to children and other family members than income earned by men, a greater share of which goes into personal consumption and luxuries
                            There is an expression "What's hers is hers and what's your's is their's" it didnt' come out of thin air. I'd like to see that study - if its true its probably just because when you make 25k/year (traditional pink ghetto salary) you have to spend 90% on the basics but when you make 250k (evil man salary) you just spend 20%.
                            Last edited by Links17; 09-18-2014, 05:51 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Anyone with any sense doesn't take a divorced person's account of their marriage as the gospel truth. We're all looking back through the filters of the present day and we're all trying to construct a narrative to explain how we ended up where we are now, which is somewhere no one ever intends to end up. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to take my own account of my divorce as the unquestioned truth (which is one reason I don't share it widely). Heck, even I still don't entirely understand why it all went down so badly.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                We can take a vote - do the divorced guys when they meet a new woman trust her version of events as she says them? I would definitely question a women's version of events (or a man's for that matter) after divorce.
                                My partner isn't at my home to answer the question but he absolutely trusted my version of events. I was as self-deprecating in my assessment of the things I had done wrong during marriage as I was critical of my ex. I'm under zero illusion that my divorce was all my ex's fault.

                                He also has read every single court document that I have. So he's well aware of every affidavit that my ex put out accusing me of everything under the sun. He also read my psychological assessment that was done for my custody evaluation and my financial statements. So he's aware of my mental and financial state.

                                Do I think he looked at me skeptically...quite the opposite.

                                In reverse, I watched him go through his divorce. He's very much like me in that the first thing he did when he started having major marital issues was to look in the mirror to figure out what he was doing wrong.

                                Again, I noticed (although you tried to cover your misogynistic tracks in this post) you directed your original comment at women. You didn't say that women always look at divorced men with a skeptical eye and the reason for that is the same reason for most of the things you say. I find it very interesting that during my absence from this site, you haven't changed one iota in your constant misogynist comments. Does it ever cross your mind that maybe you should re-evaluate your bitter mindset?

                                You traded up!
                                I would agree that I traded up. I found a guy who is kind, a good father and who I'm actually compatible with. I did a very poor job of that the first time. My trading up has zero to do with money. I have my own and pay for at least half of everything in my relationship. I don't need a man for money...never have...never will.

                                He probably left her, guys are more noble when they leave marriages (sexist I know) but its the same as white knights....
                                My partner is a FAIR guy all the time. He feels as though his ex DESERVES the money he pays her. They didn't go to court. They mediated the divorce because he admitted that was he able to excel at his career because she did most of the child rearing activities. She also helped to keep the household running smoothly. Something that's very difficult to do when you're working and travelling for work. Personally, I believe all adult people in a marriage should be self-supporting or at least be able to go back to a career...but that's me. His choice with his ex-wife was to allow her to stay home while he worked and after divorce, he owned the consequences of that choice. A lot of men do the same.

                                What I specifically meant are relationships where women outearn the men, from my reading a sort of resentment builds up which leads to divorce.
                                lol. What magazine were these articles published in "Misogynists Monthly"? Again, your comments do not apply to me. There were certain times in my marriage where I made more than my spouse. I wasn't resentful of him...nor was I resentful of having to support my family. My divorce had zero to do with money...it was about the lack of an affectionate, respectful relationship with my ex-spouse.

                                There is an expression "What's hers is hers and what's your's is their's" it didnt' come out of thin air.
                                Maybe dudes like you say it to each other. I've never heard that expression.

                                Comment

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