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  • #31
    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
    Very smart.



    Don't put this in writing and stop offering it to him. His tennis elbow isn't stopping him from playing xbox, it shouldn't stop him from getting a job.

    You have a really great attitude and you'll get through this well.
    His tennis elbow doesn't stop him from doing anything at all. He was able to change brakes on a car in our driveway, shovel some snow, play games for hours on end, and do mechanic work on the side with no problems.

    I only offered once anyhow. And it was more of a gesture of kindness than anything...

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    • #32
      He was able to change brakes on a car in our driveway, shovel some snow, play games for hours on end, and do mechanic work on the side with no problems.
      But you mentioned it was ADHD anyway didn't ya? It will seem you can't force someone to get a job, just like you can't force someone to pursue post secondary education

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by FWB View Post


        He has nothing to lose like other that use legal aid to their advantage...not their money so what do they care


        Hopefully it is "crap" that is relevant to your case? Adultery is a no fault for divorce, and mudslinging isn't going to do anyone any good anyway
        The crap mentioned is indeed relevant and has nothing to do with cheating or any other meaningless stuff. I'm definitely not talking about BS or trying to make him look bad etc. These are simple facts that speak for themselves.

        As for legal aid, he won't be eligible once he gets another job and he will be forced to get one in the coming week or so. That being said, he'll have to pay for a lawyer like the rest of us who are gainfully employed...

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        • #34
          As for legal aid, he won't be eligible once he gets another job and he will be forced to get one in the coming week or so.
          Oh...that is a game changer then if indeed that happens. I am guessing this is a done deal?

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by FWB View Post
            But you mentioned it was ADHD anyway didn't ya? It will seem you can't force someone to get a job, just like you can't force someone to pursue post secondary education
            He just blames his lack of success in life on ADHD. Can't succeed because he can't focus or doesn't like his job. Can't keep a job for the same reasons. It's easier to have an excuse that to have personal accountability. *shrug*

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            • #36
              Originally posted by FWB View Post
              But you mentioned it was ADHD anyway didn't ya? It will seem you can't force someone to get a job, just like you can't force someone to pursue post secondary education
              I have a friend with ADHD. He is a successful businessman and community activist, hasn't seem to slow him down. Trick is that you have to want to learn how to manage with it, instead of using it as an excuse.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by FWB View Post
                Oh...that is a game changer then if indeed that happens. I am guessing this is a done deal?
                Done deal? Not quite, but pretty damn close. He can't buy beer or drive to pick up his carless and unemployed GF from 45 min away if he has no money for gas nor job to fund his personal ventures.

                He won't stay unemployed and the date of being healed is only days away. Either he finds work or he will have no money. Plain and simple.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
                  I have a friend with ADHD. He is a successful businessman and community activist, hasn't seem to slow him down. Trick is that you have to want to learn how to manage with it, instead of using it as an excuse.
                  You got that exactly right! ADHD can even be used to your advantage when you look at it from the right angle. They may be scattered, but they can also be hyper-focused and that could be used if you direct it correctly.

                  Bottom line, some people want to have excuses and play the blame game because they think it means they don't have to work for anything then.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Trapped View Post
                    You got that exactly right! ADHD can even be used to your advantage when you look at it from the right angle. They may be scattered, but they can also be hyper-focused and that could be used if you direct it correctly.

                    Bottom line, some people want to have excuses and play the blame game because they think it means they don't have to work for anything then.
                    It's ok to come on here and vent, all of us have done that.

                    Keep in mind that when it comes to court, it is all about what you can factually prove.

                    He can factually show that he has reason to not work, according to a WSIB/Disablility claim.

                    You can factually show sweet f*ck all.

                    I would encourage you to base your legal pleadings on what you can factually show. A claim that he f*cks his new GF in all the positions of the Kama Sutra will not stand up in court against the determinations of the WSIB.

                    Stop being angry. Stop being fed up. Focus on what you can show in court with actual evidence.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Mess View Post
                      It's ok to come on here and vent, all of us have done that.

                      Keep in mind that when it comes to court, it is all about what you can factually prove.

                      He can factually show that he has reason to not work, according to a WSIB/Disablility claim.

                      You can factually show sweet f*ck all.

                      I would encourage you to base your legal pleadings on what you can factually show. A claim that he f*cks his new GF in all the positions of the Kama Sutra will not stand up in court against the determinations of the WSIB.

                      Stop being angry. Stop being fed up. Focus on what you can show in court with actual evidence.
                      I never said I intended to claim he was able to work or that the ability to stick it to his GF was any indication of that. What I said was he is considered healed in about 1 week according to a specialist appointed by WSIB. That is factual and has nothing at all to do with me or what *I* need to prove. That's coming from WSIB directly.

                      I have no intention of setting foot in a court room over this and neither does he. He has said as much. My original post was simply looking to find out how I might nudge him to decide he wants to leave and what my options might be. Additionally, I was hoping to get a little guidance in terms of how to encourage him to want to settle things sooner rather than later.

                      I'm far from stupid. I'm well aware that the courts look at hard facts and what you can prove. I do not allow emotion to lead me around by the nose like some others. I was the one that helped him get custody of his son without a lawyer while she had one. Not only that, the judge complimented me directly on being very even tempered and dealing with everything that I had to deal with the way that I had. So, while I thank you for your comment, I don't appreciate the insinuation that I am going off on anger or have any intention of trying to fabricate some BS case that I can't prove. If that was not what you mean then I apologize for interpreting your comment as such...

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        A claim that he f*cks his new GF in all the positions of the Kama Sutra will not stand up in court against the determinations of the WSIB.
                        Wow.....where did this come from? Please, you made me spit my afternoon tea out I mean the visual
                        some people want to have excuses and play the blame game because they think it means they don't have to work for anything then.
                        Yes...entitlement piranhas

                        instead of using it as an excuse.
                        This is just it, people use any excuse not to do anything.

                        Either he finds work or he will have no money. Plain and simple.
                        dING dING dING

                        It's easier to have an excuse that to have personal accountability.
                        Unfortunately....some people find that hard to do. I guess you can blame the parents really. Apples don't fall too far from the tree itself



                        @Trapped...

                        This is not "him" by any chance is it?

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                        • #42
                          The quickest and easiest way to get him out of the house is to ask him what he wants to leave.

                          This might not be the smartest or best path to take but it's the most likely to get him out ASAP...

                          Everything you have said so far seems to be very fair to him. Help him out as best you can all the while not letting him walk all over you. Him not wanting to go to court could obviously be used to your advantage. However if he knows you don't want to go to court he will use this to his advantage.

                          One option would be to put the house up for sale and just split it 50/50... Yes you will lose some of your down payment but he will have to move once the house is sold.. You could certainly tell him your taking your 20K off the top and start negotiating from there.

                          I would certainly stop carrying him...You are in no way responsible to do so.

                          EDIT: Since you are expecting to share your kids how do you expect him to get suitable living accommodations for the kids with no money?
                          Last edited by FB_; 01-07-2014, 05:19 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by FWB View Post
                            @Trapped...

                            This is not "him" by any chance is it?

                            Nope that was me at Christmas. My wife rocks!!!!

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by FWB View Post

                              @Trapped...

                              This is not "him" by any chance is it?

                              LOL, pretty damn close! Only there's more staring at the screen and button pushing than embracing.

                              Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                              The quickest and easiest way to get him out of the house is to ask him what he wants to leave.

                              This might not be the smartest or best path to take but it's the most likely to get him out ASAP...

                              Everything you have said so far seems to be very fair to him. Help him out as best you can all the while not letting him walk all over you. Him not wanting to go to court could obviously be used to your advantage. However if he knows you don't want to go to court he will use this to his advantage.

                              One option would be to put the house up for sale and just split it 50/50... Yes you will lose some of your down payment but he will have to move once the house is sold.. You could certainly tell him your taking your 20K off the top and start negotiating from there.

                              I would certainly stop carrying him...You are in no way responsible to do so.

                              EDIT: Since you are expecting to share your kids how do you expect him to get suitable living accommodations for the kids with no money?
                              We could put the house up for sale but it will come with a big loss and a shared bill rather than shared payout. He wants more than I'm willing to offer (though has never said what exactly), but that's primarily because he has no concept of what it costs to sell a house (or buy one for that matter) nor does he even comprehend that next to nothing comes off the principal in the first few years. He barely knows what the term "principal" means. Negotiating with him is like trying to negotiate with a 13 yr old. They know they want something, but the concept of how everything else entailed is connected to the end result is beyond him. And I did spell this all out for him in laymen's terms with numbers and offered him more than what he would get if we sold. If I understand him correctly, he thinks he's entitled to value earned even after he moves. He thinks that simply by showing up to sign for the home 2.5 yrs ago he's somehow entitled to equity that is gained in 2 years from now or entitled to monies that I could potentially make in a sale should value go up in a few years. It's a really naive and uninformed view...

                              I have never said I don't want to go to court to him. Only he has said this to me. However, just because it's not my preference doesn't mean I wouldn't do it. For me, that would be the ultimate last resort. I think court needs to be reserved for the incredibly bitter or the incredibly screwed over to ensure fairness. Everything in between should, in theory, be able to be worked out between grown adults.

                              Saying he makes no money at all is not really accurate. He is making as much as my oldest daughter and her boyfriend who just moved out on their own and are expecting their first child. And this he gets for pushing buttons on his couch. He is at a point where he needs to find work and will be required to do so imminently so being able to get suitable living arrangements shouldn't be an issue either way.

                              At the very least I would like for him to have a plan and share it with me. Right now I have gotten nothing from him. He has no plan, no ideas, no timeline, no nothing. Basically, he has said or done nothing that would give any indication that he intends to do anything besides live off me...

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                              • #45
                                Were I in your shoes, I would offer to split the house contents 50/50, and give him an amount equivalent to first and last months rent and maybe $500 for moving expenses. This is generous, but it also takes away the excuse that he can't afford to move.

                                Comment

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