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  • Being asked for a criminal record check.

    My ex wife is asking me to provide her with a criminal record check and Children's aid society check from my girlfriend because my daughter is around her. IS this something that she is entitled to by law.


    It's not that I'm trying to hide anything, she is just doing this to be difficult. There is no reason for it at all. Also keep in mind that my daughter is around my girlfriend a minimum of 4 days in a month.


    She is threatening me by saying that I need to get her this info or she will get her lawyer to request it.

  • #2
    Put her on ignore and let her waste her money on getting her lawyer to write dumb letters. You don’t have to provide shit.

    And don’t, even if you think it will “make things easier” or pacify her. My partner’s ex did that to us when we started dating 4 years ago. Wanted to “inspect” my house etc. You give her an inch and she’ll take a mile. Not to mention it will probably piss your new gf off.

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    • #3
      Tell her to take a hike. Let her go to her lawyer because no good lawyer will write that letter... if her lawyer does then you know he’s only in this for billable hours. If that’s the case play around a little... write back and ask why, ask him to provide the section of law that states new partners must provide these things, run her bill up a little for her being so ridiculous.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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      • #4
        My ex asked for this in our parenting plan- that any new partners provide a vulnerable sector check if requested by the other parent.

        It made laugh because my ex wouldn't even pass a vulnerable sector check.

        But the funny thing is- it's honestly something I would want myself if I started dating someone. I have a little girl- I would want to ensure that anyone I'm seeing is safe to be around her. If I started dating a guy with young children and he asked- I would do it. I did one anyways to volunteer at my daughter's pre-school....


        OP- how old is your daughter? Would you want your ex's new boyfriend to get one if he was spending time with your daughter?

        I'm not saying you should do it. But I'm just curious.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          My ex asked for this in our parenting plan- that any new partners provide a vulnerable sector check if requested by the other parent.

          It made laugh because my ex wouldn't even pass a vulnerable sector check.

          But the funny thing is- it's honestly something I would want myself if I started dating someone. I have a little girl- I would want to ensure that anyone I'm seeing is safe to be around her. If I started dating a guy with young children and he asked- I would do it. I did one anyways to volunteer at my daughter's pre-school....


          OP- how old is your daughter? Would you want your ex's new boyfriend to get one if he was spending time with your daughter?

          I'm not saying you should do it. But I'm just curious.

          My Daughter is 4. I wouldn't ask for one. I would trust my ex to make the right decision on who is around my daughter or going to be living with them. I would expect the same. My ex asking for me to ask my girlfriend for a check is ridiculous. Regardless of a clean record, that person can change over time. It only means they weren't charged for anything or reported. The person can still be an a$$hole and you wouldn't know until whenever. It's our jobs as parents, parenting our child to protect them as much as we can and as a divorced couple or separated, to trust each other in that aspect. Regardless if we can't get along. It's not about us, it's about the child.

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          • #6
            I would reply with:


            "Dear Satan's Dance Partner,


            While I understand the concern you may have for the safety of our child, please know that your request for a CAS and police check are unnecessary and unwarranted. I will continue to ensure that our child is safe and surrounded by people of good character, and am entitled to use my reasonable judgment when doing same. You would not expect me to make such requests of each of your future partners, I would expect the same courtesy in return.



            Thanks,
            Super Parent

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            • #7
              Also now she is saying that our current separation agreement is not working for her so she is going to get it thrown out and go to court for a new one.
              First of we have never been to court or mediation. We had an agreement done up for us and we agreed to it. Can she do this? Don't we both have to agree on changing our agreement.

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              • #8
                Is your agreement signed? Did you both have independent legal advice?

                If yes to both she would need to file a motion to change and demonstrate a material change in circumstances.

                If you didn’t have legal advice, she would still need to go to court to change it if you don’t agree.

                I would respond and ask what is not working and what her proposed changes are.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by glaudeja View Post
                  Also now she is saying that our current separation agreement is not working for her so she is going to get it thrown out and go to court for a new one.
                  First of we have never been to court or mediation. We had an agreement done up for us and we agreed to it. Can she do this? Don't we both have to agree on changing our agreement.
                  I think my response to her regarding lawyers and court over total foolishness would be, "I look forward in seeing you in Court. Until such time, I expect our current agreement and access to our child to be followed. Have a great day."

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    Is your agreement signed? Did you both have independent legal advice?

                    If yes to both she would need to file a motion to change and demonstrate a material change in circumstances.

                    If you didn’t have legal advice, she would still need to go to court to change it if you don’t agree.

                    I would respond and ask what is not working and what her proposed changes are.


                    Our agreement was signed by both of us and a witness. I spoke with my lawyer about the situation but he had no input on the written agreement. He just gave advice. We settles it without a Mediator or Court.

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                    • #11
                      The reason for her being difficult is because I am with someone and I never gave her, her name, address, any info upfront about this woman spending time with our Daughter. I would have normally I believe, but seeing that she couldn't accept me dating period and the things she was saying, I didn't trust her in the beginning to do or say whatever it took to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. Keep in mind that I waited 6 months to introduce her.

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                      • #12
                        The ex is not entitled to the details of your current g/f. They may like to think they are, but are not. You are no longer together, thus her ability to play gatekeeper to who you associate with is gone. In simple words, she does not the right to the details and on goings of your life. So long as you're not running a brothel or grow-up out of your house when the kid is around, she has zero grounds for any sort of info.



                        Regarding the agreement, so long as it is signed (which you said it was) and you had what could be deemed to be ILA, than your reply to the ex is that you don't agree that the agreement is not working. That it is your intention to continue to abide by it. That should there be specific concerns of merit that she would like to address, that you are willing to address them. But her issues of who you are dating, what is going on in your life are not things she is entitled to be involved in.


                        Edit - When I started dating, I never let my ex know. Why would I? We aren't together, she has no right to know what is going on in my life. I also introduced our kid to the woman I was dating at (who is now my wife) after about 6-7 months. I didn't tell her then either. My kid (who was 2.5y/o) mentioned my wife. My ex asked about her, and I said I was dating, and I waited to see if it was serious before introducing our daughter to the g/f. I left it at that. She has no power in your life. She is just trying to bully her way in to control you using your kid as the entry point for her own hurt feelings/anger/shitty life.
                        Last edited by HammerDad; 08-09-2019, 02:07 PM.

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                        • #13
                          I agree this is all silly to ask for... keep in mind... if she takes you back to court and OCL gets involved... if your gf lives with you. Ocl will do criminal and Cas check on her. Just wanted to throw that out there. My ex’s gf’s kids were involved with CAS and that’s how I found out. I was not impressed but not much I can do about it. And it was a sexual touching allegation. ;-(


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                          • #14
                            I would'nt worry about it.

                            Comment

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