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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-25-2021, 02:46 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Default Petty Behaviours

Thought I would get a good thread going....apologies if it has been done to shreds in past posts.

Like many, I am in the midst of a high-conflict divorce that is full of petty and vindictive behaviour aimed at pushing buttons-----however I know better than to bite

How about forum members list some of the petty behaviours exhibited by their exes, whereby they play aloof but really they know exactly what they are doing...

For example, consistently sending kids to you with clothes far too small to the point they are throw aways, forcing you to send kids back in new clothes.

Looking forward to what people share.....
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2021, 03:03 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My husbands ex would have the kids tell him how sad they were that they couldnt participate in an activity. Or send him a list of gift ideas of what they wanted him to buy not what the kids wanted.

There was also a lot of mind games. Like guilting him with comments or turning things around on him to make him look bad.

There were also instances where she would go after me in comments like how awkward it would be for them to come visit now that I lived there. Or comments about how my husband only cared about my family and not his kids. It was really disgusting and caused a lot of anxiety for us.

My personal fave was when she bitched about how we didnt invite the kids to our wedding. Neither one of them had been speaking to us and both had been incredibly rude to us beforehand.

Someone on here years ago posted a great statement about sucking and blowing. This describes my husbands ex perfectly.


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Old 03-25-2021, 04:23 PM
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I have so many. However I'm not sure if I can relay them because it would ruin any anonymity I have on this forum; her petty behaviours are some of my favourite stories to tell in real life.

Some more general ones that I can share:

1) If we had in person exchanges, they took place at a specific parking lot. She would arrive early and keep the kids in the car until the very second that the transfer was supposed to take place. She would even do this if I parked right next to her.

2) If a kid was sick and sleeping, but her parenting time was starting, she would show up at the house and demand that I wake up the kid because my parenting time was over.

3) When I called a kid on her birthday, she said I could talk for 3 minutes. 180 seconds later on the dot she hung up the phone.

4) Any uneaten food in the kid's lunches would be used for lunch the day the kids came back to me. Since it was often unpalatable by that point, the kids would usually come home from school absolutely starving.

I don't get angry easily, but it used to upset me when her actions would hurt the kids. I just kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do, and as long as she wasn't causing permanent damage, it would pass.

Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.
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Old 03-26-2021, 11:23 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Looking forward to the day it "passes"... A few examples of petty junk I've encountered:

1- Constantly sending kids to my place with shirts that say "Mommy's Girl" or "I love my Mommy"

2- Not dressing kids appropriately for weather, or not providing appropriate clothing for my parenting time (ie: raincoat, rainboots, winter clothes etc.). For example, having kids in Spring coats for exchange, which is fine, but not factor in that we may want to be outside for longer periods during my parenting time which would warrant having winter coat on.

3- Constantly referring to time with me as "visits" and visiting 'dad's home'..

4- Badgering me for 'spoiling' kids in reference to the nicknacks I pick up from Dollar Store, whereas she is Amazon addict.

5- Ignores emails and texts that are strictly kids-related....and pretends she did not receive them when asked about them.

Agreed with Janus, it only upsets me when it negatively impacts kids. Otherwise, I tack it on as her showing her true colours as immature, petty and vindictive.
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Old 03-26-2021, 11:36 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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On one of his supervised access visits my ex’s relatives( he was too cheap and never would have spent money on her) bought one of our children a stuffed hyena at the zoo which she loved ( she was 9). She wanted to take it home and he said no. She packed it in her overnight bag with her clothes. He went through her bag and removed it when she wasn’t looking. When she got home and went to show it to me she discovered it was missing and became hysterical. She knew her dad had gone through her bag and taken it.

He also recorded any phone calls the kids made to me. The children also reported that his siblings would listen from behind the door when they called me.

One of the kids were angry with him and said they wanted to change their last name to my maiden name. He cursed this child out in front of his relatives who were supervising the visit and told the child he never wanted to see them again to teach them a lesson.
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Old 03-27-2021, 08:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.
A key point everyone should keep in mind. Children grow up, move out and have their own lives. The hardest years are from 0-8 from what I observe with parents. After that kids start to take care of themselves.
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Old 03-27-2021, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
Agreed with Janus, it only upsets me when it negatively impacts kids. Otherwise, I tack it on as her showing her true colours as immature, petty and vindictive.
If you ignore it they will get bored eventually and stop. In every situation I have observed / helped with for the past 14 years... 99.9% of the nonsense self stops. In the 0.1% case the court stops it and awards sole custody and majority access.
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Old 03-29-2021, 09:01 AM
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I was part of that 0.01. Unfortuantely, they get really mad and find reasons to bring you back to court unnecessarily. I can't even believe the court entertains half this nonsense.
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Old 03-29-2021, 10:43 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
2) If a kid was sick and sleeping, but her parenting time was starting, she would show up at the house and demand that I wake up the kid because my parenting time was over.
Afraid I have you beat on this one... Kid wakes up at my place and is sick and cannot go to school. However my parenting time ends at school dropoff time. I message ex to indicate kid is sick and cannot go to school and that I can take day off work to care for child. Ex denies opportunity for dad to care for sick child (who is in pyjamas and in bed) but rather instructs dad to bring kid to ex's mother's house instead.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
3) When I called a kid on her birthday, she said I could talk for 3 minutes. 180 seconds later on the dot she hung up the phone.
This is better than me, whereby my ex claims that she was not in cell phone range all day of child's birthday, therefore no phone calls could take place to allow me to wish kid a happy birthday.

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Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
I was part of that 0.01. Unfortuantely, they get really mad and find reasons to bring you back to court unnecessarily. I can't even believe the court entertains half this nonsense.
I think people watch too much TV and say "See you in court!". Newsflash: The court does not want to see you. Handle it yourself.
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Old 03-29-2021, 02:57 PM
enchantedowl enchantedowl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
I have so many. However I'm not sure if I can relay them because it would ruin any anonymity I have on this forum; her petty behaviours are some of my favourite stories to tell in real life.

Some more general ones that I can share:

1) If we had in person exchanges, they took place at a specific parking lot. She would arrive early and keep the kids in the car until the very second that the transfer was supposed to take place. She would even do this if I parked right next to her.

2) If a kid was sick and sleeping, but her parenting time was starting, she would show up at the house and demand that I wake up the kid because my parenting time was over.

3) When I called a kid on her birthday, she said I could talk for 3 minutes. 180 seconds later on the dot she hung up the phone.

4) Any uneaten food in the kid's lunches would be used for lunch the day the kids came back to me. Since it was often unpalatable by that point, the kids would usually come home from school absolutely starving.

I don't get angry easily, but it used to upset me when her actions would hurt the kids. I just kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do, and as long as she wasn't causing permanent damage, it would pass.

Note... most of this nonsense has stopped because the kids are a lot older. It did pass.

Would love some coping strategies you developed over the years to overcome this personally. Any mantras or outlooks that would be useful. I am in a similar boat, and can take all the insults aimed at my, but when it comes to the kids being hurt/used as pawns it really gets to me.
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