Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #41  
Old 12-10-2020, 03:57 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 300
LovingDad1234 is on a distinguished road
Default

100% with everything Rockscan said.

The house.....its either you buy him out and get yourself approved for a mortgage without his name on it, or you move. Based on what I read, you will need to move. Who cares if he will be able to buy a house soon after? With his salary, that is to be expected.

Children....it will be joint custody and 50/50 parenting. Do not try to claw back his time to increase your supports. That will bite you hard in court. The kids are allowed equal time with both parents.

Supports..... quit stalling. It is obvious you are stalling to delay the inevitable. You do need to fill out a Financial Statement and account for your business. You may get imputed.

Not sure if others have said this, but it is strongly recommended to seek therapy or counselling to adjust to your new reality. You have a new boyfriend, but seem all up in arms on how negative your life is (or will be) by virtue of your ex-husband no longer having financial ties to you. You mentioned you sought advice from friends.....they are not lawyers, nor necessarily people who have been through the family court trenches, and will simply be biased to your views and nod their heads with everything and anything you say.

Last edited by LovingDad1234; 12-10-2020 at 04:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 12-10-2020, 11:09 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 134
trueblue22 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
No because you were following an agreement.

Look, you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by trying to avoid the inevitable. Your ex isnt your personal bank account who has to give you what you want. Plus child support is for the kids not to subsidize your income. You really need to take a hard look at your life and also the law. You really should go looking through some cases on canlii.org. See where the decisions fell in cases similar to yours. Hand him over you financial disclosure, do your math on what he paid vs what he owed, figure what the amount of spousal and timeline you were entitled to, figure out your share of the home and then make a deal. The longer you drag this out the more you lose.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
There is no agreement though unless you are saying there is an "implied" agreement that I accepted he paid the bills and the unilateral amount he decided was sufficient amounts of child support.

I did do a search on canlii but I can't find similar situations. It just seems like if he wants to kick me out from my home and make me sell then he can do it very easily. I can't afford a three bedroom condo or house in Toronto. I would need to move over an hour or 1.5 away from my children's private school.

Why would I lose if I drag this out? He's being forced to pay rent and no bank will let him get a mortgage since he already has one to pay for the house I am living in. Isn't this my best case scenario right now?
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 12-10-2020, 11:15 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 134
trueblue22 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
100% with everything Rockscan said.

The house.....its either you buy him out and get yourself approved for a mortgage without his name on it, or you move. Based on what I read, you will need to move. Who cares if he will be able to buy a house soon after? With his salary, that is to be expected.

Children....it will be joint custody and 50/50 parenting. Do not try to claw back his time to increase your supports. That will bite you hard in court. The kids are allowed equal time with both parents.

Supports..... quit stalling. It is obvious you are stalling to delay the inevitable. You do need to fill out a Financial Statement and account for your business. You may get imputed.

Not sure if others have said this, but it is strongly recommended to seek therapy or counselling to adjust to your new reality. You have a new boyfriend, but seem all up in arms on how negative your life is (or will be) by virtue of your ex-husband no longer having financial ties to you. You mentioned you sought advice from friends.....they are not lawyers, nor necessarily people who have been through the family court trenches, and will simply be biased to your views and nod their heads with everything and anything you say.
The house I live in is worth around 2.5 million dollars. I can't get a mortgage high enough to buy him out and I don't think he can buy me out either. Since our expenses were very high during the marriage due to a disability one of my children have I would only receive around 300k after the mortgage and debts of the marriage have been paid off.

My new boyfriend is great and we have been together for over 3 years now. I met him a few months after my husband left me but he does not earn nearly enough for me and my kids to have the same standard of living my ex provided. My boyfriend was (and still is) also behind on child support payments for his kids so I also need to consider that as well.

I don't think I am being selfish by wanting to maintain the best standard of living for myself and my kids. I just don't think it's fair my ex husband will be able to wash his hands of me and not care that I can't afford to take them on vacation or buy them nice things.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 12-11-2020, 11:45 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,930
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
There is no agreement though unless you are saying there is an "implied" agreement that I accepted he paid the bills and the unilateral amount he decided was sufficient amounts of child support.
You are assuming he made unilateral decisions. You refused to sell so he had to make decision. He could have spoken to a lawyer who told him what to pay. He may have been paying more than he was supposed to. Or he could have been paying all the spousal he was required in these four years. Have you done those math calculations yet? Better get to it.

Quote:
I did do a search on canlii but I can't find similar situations.
It takes hours and days to dive through canlii. Your efforts werent enough.

Quote:
It just seems like if he wants to kick me out from my home and make me sell then he can do it very easily. I can't afford a three bedroom condo or house in Toronto. I would need to move over an hour or 1.5 away from my children's private school.
He wants to sell property he is invested in. Stop making this about poor you. You are in business, you understand you had a contract with him and it ended. He wants to complete the contract and sell all the outstanding assets.
Your ex is also not responsible for your finances anymore. If you were worried about this you should have been saving for this inevitability years ago. Instead you thought of yourself and your needs.
If you have to rent then you have to rent. There are thousands of other parents who survive with much less than you because they put their kids above their own needs.

Quote:
Why would I lose if I drag this out? He's being forced to pay rent and no bank will let him get a mortgage since he already has one to pay for the house I am living in. Isn't this my best case scenario right now?
Because you lose legal fees and possibly his costs as well when you end up losing (with this attitude it is inevitable). If you dont have approximately $100,000 liquid assets right now then you need to smarten up and settle.

Quote:
The house I live in is worth around 2.5 million dollars. I can't get a mortgage high enough to buy him out and I don't think he can buy me out either. Since our expenses were very high during the marriage due to a disability one of my children have I would only receive around 300k after the mortgage and debts of the marriage have been paid off.
A judge wont care about any of this. The fact is he wants to sell, you dont. He has a right to complete the final aspects of your relationship. You refuse to accept it. You cant afford the house, it must be sold. Period.

Quote:
he does not earn nearly enough for me and my kids to have the same standard of living my ex provided. My boyfriend was (and still is) also behind on child support payments for his kids so I also need to consider that as well.
So you have found someone new to pay your way. Should have asked for a tax return on your first date! If you want a man to pay your way through life then you did this wrong. Not only that but you are also preventing him from supporting his kids. You really are a selfish low life.

Quote:
I don't think I am being selfish by wanting to maintain the best standard of living for myself and my kids. I just don't think it's fair my ex husband will be able to wash his hands of me and not care that I can't afford to take them on vacation or buy them nice things.
You are selfish. You are incredibly self centered and self absorbed. This isnt about your kids at all. This is about you and what you want.

Berner is right, you are a hot mess.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 12-11-2020, 12:21 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 342
StillPaying is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

OP - you really need to stick to your lawyer's advice. Ignorant comments masked in arrogance won't help you. You may be able to stay longer in the matrimonial house but we wouldn't know. You haven't done anything wrong yet, but you need to analyze your opinions.

Is it better to have the house a few more years or all the support money in hand? What is your goal here?

The longer you wait, the more money you'll lose. Spousal can run out before you get the cash, home prices will keep going up, and lawyers and court fees will cost more.

You're looking at $300-$400k in equalization and 10k+ a month in support. Change may be scary, but you'll be able to buy a house and move on no problem. Make a reasonable offer then go to court.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 12-11-2020, 01:24 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 134
trueblue22 has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
You are assuming he made unilateral decisions. You refused to sell so he had to make decision. He could have spoken to a lawyer who told him what to pay. He may have been paying more than he was supposed to. Or he could have been paying all the spousal he was required in these four years. Have you done those math calculations yet? Better get to it.

I did the math calculations. Assuming I did it correctly he would be making the minimal spousal/child support payments he owes m. I am assuming those amounts are correct because he would need to pay me 7.5k in child support and due to section 7 expenses if I had contributed, the net amount would be about the same.

It takes hours and days to dive through canlii. Your efforts werent enough.

I read a few cases but only bits and pieces of each case apply to my situation


He wants to sell property he is invested in. Stop making this about poor you. You are in business, you understand you had a contract with him and it ended. He wants to complete the contract and sell all the outstanding assets.
Your ex is also not responsible for your finances anymore. If you were worried about this you should have been saving for this inevitability years ago. Instead you thought of yourself and your needs.
If you have to rent then you have to rent. There are thousands of other parents who survive with much less than you because they put their kids above their own needs.


Because you lose legal fees and possibly his costs as well when you end up losing (with this attitude it is inevitable). If you don�t have approximately $100,000 liquid assets right now then you need to smarten up and settle.


From what I understand I can claim legal costs as a deduction if he and I get into it over child support. I was with him for about a decade so I think I would be entitled to at least mid level spousal support.

A judge won�t care about any of this. The fact is he wants to sell, you don�t. He has a right to complete the final aspects of your relationship. You refuse to accept it. You can�t afford the house, it must be sold. Period.


So you have found someone new to pay your way. Should have asked for a tax return on your first date! If you want a man to pay your way through life then you did this wrong. Not only that but you are also preventing him from supporting his kids. You really are a selfish low life.

My boyfriend didn't pay any child support at all because he couldn't afford to. After we met and started our own business he is making some payments. I was hoping the money I receive from my ex will be able to help reduce my debt and my boyfriend's debt so we can start a good financial journey together. The job he has as my employee is the highest paying job he's ever received

You are selfish. You are incredibly self centered and self absorbed. This isn�t about your kids at all. This is about you and what you want.

Berner is right, you are a hot mess.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I gave up everything to be with my ex husband when he proposed. I moved away from my family and had to start fresh without any support. When he picked up and left me without any warning and took the children I thought I would never see them again. I probably should have went to counselling but my ex would use that against me in court as a reason why I should not be allowed joint custody of the kids with him. I am trying my best to pick myself up and I think I am doing okay since I have my own business now but it's never going to be a 500+k a year business. I have no shame in wanting the best for my children.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 12-11-2020, 03:33 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5,930
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Money from your ex to reduce your new boyfriends debt.

The hits just keep coming.

Get this through your head> your ex is not responsible for your lifestyle, your boyfriends lifestyle or a standard of living YOU believe you should have.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 12-11-2020, 03:39 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,388
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Money from your ex to reduce your new boyfriends debt.

The hits just keep coming.

Get this through your head> your ex is not responsible for your lifestyle, your boyfriends lifestyle or a standard of living YOU believe you should have.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Try as you might... youre not getting through. Dont waste anymore energy on this thread... shell be back a few months from now crying the poor me...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 12-11-2020, 06:58 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 342
StillPaying is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Get this through your head�> your ex is not responsible for your lifestyle, your boyfriend�s lifestyle or a standard of living YOU believe you should have.
Except that this is the exact needs based reason on why she'll qualify for spousal.
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 12-11-2020, 08:38 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,388
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
Except that this is the exact needs based reason on why she'll qualify for spousal.

She may be entitled to SS but that doesnt mean she gets to keep a house or quit a well paying job. No one cares if you cant afford to buy. No one cares if your new bf cant afford his own life. Thats not how SS works


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Financial Disclosure - child support Mamatotwo Financial Issues 2 11-30-2020 10:47 AM
Separated 2 years, Should Financial or Support Motions Preceed Custody Agreement? beentaken Divorce & Family Law 5 04-18-2013 03:00 PM
Ex is Military stillstrong Financial Issues 22 06-03-2011 06:31 PM
Retroactive Child Support (Ont) Mess Divorce & Family Law 21 03-02-2010 01:41 AM
sole custody, child support - necessity for financial disclosure by the recipient Simplicity Financial Issues 2 11-26-2008 08:19 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:53 PM.