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  • Urgent need of HELP - Moving Issues

    I'm moving and it's causing a problem with my x.

    Currently I'm living with a male roomate. He's a friend and my x knows him. Due to finicial issues and because my daughters crib is in my room I chose to move.

    I will be moving into a town house where my daughter will have her own room and more room to play. My roomate will be moving to this townhouse as well and it's owned by another one of my friends who is also male (and my x also knows). This is causing problems with my daughters mother (x) and she's threating to refuse my overnight access when I move (next week).

    Her view is that it's an unsafe environment due to 2 other males living in the house. Also, I use to live in this house before I met my x, and it use to be a 'party place' but I confirmed with the owner and my other roomate that no entertainment would be there while my daughter was staying overnight. (Things have changed since 3 years ago anyhow). I told my x this and I also sent my x the owners phone number and encouraged her to visit to check out the place if she'd like. She basically doesn't trust me and says she doesn't want to 'chance' anything happening.

    She says she won't refuse my access just that I'd have to return her to sleep - if I refuse she would take action (but told me she wouldn't go into detail asto what action that was - but what her lawyer told her to do). She's also seeing a physcologist which we intitially were seeing together to help us with the seperation (which her lawyer recommened) (it lasted only 2 sessions due to finicial issues by both) She's started seeing him again for the last 2 months or more (her father's paying), and he agrees with her saying it's unsafe. (based on her explanation only and whatever else they talk about getting her view only).

    So what rights do I have? Can she do this? What might her actions be? My only other option would be that I stay at my parents for my weekend overnights (which she said she'd want in writing from them) or stay at my girlfriends place (which she said she didn't know her, and didn't like the idea of my daughter staying with a stranger - but she didn't really say she'd do anything about it - as I think I caught her off guard)

    I'm paying for an extra room in the new place - should I keep paying this or be scared and decline the extra room? Does she have to take this matter to court before it can be enforced? (I'm still waiting for my lawyer to file the application for joint custody)

    I'm not sure what to do in this situation... or what I can do - my lawyer is very vague and I haven't been able to contact him with new information the last 2 weeks!

    anyone?

  • #2
    You mentioned Joint Custody in your thread so I suspect that your x will be asking for sole custody. Competing parenting plans can be complex. Ultimately it is going to be the best interest test that determines where the child will live. Criteria as listed in the children's law reform act Ont is as follows:

    Best interests of child

    In determining the best interests of a child for the purposes of an application under this Part in respect of custody of or access to a child, a court shall consider all the needs and circumstances of the child including,

    (a) the love, affection and emotional ties between the child and,

    (i) each person entitled to or claiming custody of or access to the child,

    (ii) other members of the child’s family who reside with the child, and

    (iii) persons involved in the care and upbringing of the child;

    (b) the views and preferences of the child, where such views and preferences can reasonably be ascertained;

    (c) the length of time the child has lived in a stable home environment;

    (d) the ability and willingness of each person applying for custody of the child to provide the child with guidance and education, the necessaries of life and any special needs of the child;

    (e) any plans proposed for the care and upbringing of the child;

    (f) the permanence and stability of the family unit with which it is proposed that the child will live; and

    (g) the relationship by blood or through an adoption order between the child and each person who is a party to the application.

    If it was myself personally, I would do my best to secure an independant household without any room mates if at all possible. Courts will look at WHO lives in the household and what influence they will have towards the child. This would include room mates.

    If you have been exercising overnight access previous and your x does't allow it now, I do not think she can actually stop it especially since custody has yet to be determined. This might come back to haunt you if your x and yourself cannot see eye to eye in co-operating together in the best interest of the child. I suspect the action she referred to is to withold your child's access to you on the grounds that the child may be in harm while in your care. I must say that it is strange that your x has no problem with your child visiting you at this location while they are awake comparred to sleeping hours is contradictory in iteself.

    I suspect thay your x's strategy is to use the physcologist as an expert. This expert cannot make an opinion on the condition of this place from heresay description alone. You do have a right to cross examine any expert opinion. You could also ask for a child assessment independently. These cost lots of money or you can ask for the involvement of the Children's Lawyer.

    One thing to remember is your x has already retained a lawyer. WHY? They are paving the way for court and building their case.

    Comment


    • #3
      Just wanted to clarify - this is just my weekend overnight access - I'm not fighting to change her primary residence (just yet). Also, she's allowed overnight access with my current living arrangments (one roomate) - it's when I move she'll deny them.

      I agree by her saying that my daughter can be there during the day and not at night doesn't make sense but that's her.

      My major concern is - as it takes awhile to get to courts to hear all these opinions etc - what can be done until then? Do I get my overnights until it's determined otherwise or does she get to withhold them until I prove it's a safe environment? I think her action threat was more directed at the immediate approach.

      I'd love to get secure a independant enivornment but it really isn't possible -no $$. That's aslo why I'm moving to this place to save some money so I can move out on my own hopefully by the end of next year.

      Comment


      • #4
        Like logicalvelocity said, you’re best off if you can get your own place. If you’re serious about obtaining joint custody and more time with your 16-month old daughter, this is a worthwhile investment of your money, and it’s a lot cheaper than legal fees! To a certain extent, your roommates will enter the custody and access decision as this certainly affects your daughter’s living environment.

        CatvsLion, the first thing you’ve got to make sure of is that your new place, whether your own or with roommates, is perfectly organized for a 16-month old, so that there’s really nothing your ex can criticize about it. And if you’re serious about joint custody, it should be fairly close to the matrimonial home.

        As you’ve had successful overnight visits for 8 months, a judge generally won’t take overnight visits away from you unless there are some serious concerns about your roommates. These need to be something substantial - a mere claim that years ago they were party animals isn’t enough. However, maybe there’s something more about them. You probably don’t want neighbours saying it’s a party house even if the parties only occur when your daughters not around.

        For sure, don’t agree to suspend the overnight access. I’m not sure that agreeing to overnight access at a place other than where you live is a good idea either. If you agree that things aren’t safe at night – why are they safe during the day? Sort of your own argument thrown back at you.

        I think your case has reached a crucial point. It sounds like after 8 months you still don’t even have an agreement in writing as to access to your daughter. Going to court at this point may well be a good option for you. If overnight access is suddenly withheld you’ll probably want to go to court anyhow. You really need to meet with your lawyer to discuss the best way of dealing with this. If you haven’t gotten through to your lawyer in two weeks, call his law clerk, tell them it’s an emergency and get the soonest possible appointment (it’s usually easier to reach a law clerk than a lawyer).
        Ottawa Divorce

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks for the advice,

          I finally got ahold of my lawyer, basically I'm in a catch 22 with this situation. I am taking the matter to court with joint custody and will address this issue as well - it's just the matter of what to do until then.

          If I don't agree to take my daughter elsewhere for overnights then she'll take them away and if I refuse to this then she'll argue that we can't come to an agreement on what's best for our daughter and it's more for her arguement of sole custody. But I'll have to wait until it does goto court until the issue is resolved - so I'm stuck in not knowing what to do in the interm. Basically I've written her a letter addressing her concerns and commenting on the persona of my roomates (which she knows and I already live with one - which she excepts the current living arrangments) Then stating that I don't agree but until we can deal with the issue I'd take her elsewhere as I don't want to lose my overnight time.

          I'm not worried about neighbours or my roomates persona - as the place isn't a 'party house' and it's a good point where I could get them to make a statement if it would be valueable.

          It's true we don't have a signed written agreement - there is one in writting but it's a draft agreement that we've just been following in terms of access and minor things but it's not signed.

          I think this is partially a valid concern but also ammo for sole custody.

          I'd love to get my own place - unfortunatly I didn't win the 20+million on the last 6/49 and I just can't afford it... I will take donations though

          Comment

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