Whether you're just beginning, in the middle or its years behind you, the traumatic escapade through the family law circus can leave scars.
Your mind, body and soul will all be put to the test. Mine have been.
Being a psychology grad and in the field of behavior, I have come up with some useful tips for those going through it.
1.Take Care of Your Body
When you are under stress, your body is very sensitive to things you used to be able to tolerate. Make sure you eat right, get enough sleep and exercise and eliminate Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco, Sugar and artificial sweeteners (CATS.) This is the single most effective prescription for anxiety. Don’t be deceived by how simple it is. People who are able to do this – and it’s difficult, I know - show amazing improvement within days. Alcohol and sugar can be eliminated immediately. It is best to wean yourself off caffeine. Do not try to quit smoking when you are under a lot of stress; just try not to have more cigarettes than you usually have. If you are unable to stop or feel you are addicted to any of these substances, there is help.
2.BREATHE
Once again, don’t be deceived by how simple this is. The effects can be powerful for stopping anxiety and panic. Diaphragm Breathing: Lie down, or sit with your feel flat on the floor, and your spine straight. Loosen any tight clothing. Put your hand on your belly, below your navel. Inhale a 3 seconds breath (a slow breath) through your nose and feel your belly expand. Exhale a slow breath through your nose and let your belly fall. Take in three deep breaths and then gradually slow down your breathing and take in less and less air. Check that you are not moving your chest and shoulders, just your belly. If you get dizzy, you are taking in too much air and you need to take in less with each breath, and slow down the pace. If you are having difficulty doing this without moving your chest or shoulders, try doing it lying down. Once you have the feeling of your abdomen moving, you can let your hand go to a relaxed position, cupping your hands in your lap, or resting them on your knees, or letting them fall beside you if you are lying down.
Practice Diaphragm Breathing for one minute, 10 to 15 times a day. Practice it whenever you are waiting for something – the kettle to boil, the toast to pop, the light to turn green, in the doctor’s office, in line at a store. Do it while you are doing others things: doing household chores, fixing the car, watching TV, bathing. Do it while you are walking or traveling by car or by bus. Every time you change activities, remember to breathe. Breathe every time you feel anxious. Breathe this way in order to prepare yourself, whenever you are about to do something anxiety-producing. Eventually, you can use this breath all day long. There is a documented scientific relaxation response in your body from the massage to your inner organs when your breath goes deeply into your body, and from the air moving across the hairs of your nose. Shallow breathing, and too much oxygen, can make you anxious.
3.Thought Stopping Technique – Visualization
Another technique in anxiety reduction is known as a “thought-stopping” technique. Try to think of a time when you felt really healthy and really happy. It could be lying on a beach, beside a cool mountain stream, in front of a cozy fire, or in your own bed. Try to remember that scene with all of your 5 senses. Think of the smells, tastes (you can add your favorite food to the memory), sights, and sounds of your safe comfortable place. Then think about everything you feel against your skin. Now imagine how you feel inside your body, imagine that your heart is at peace and your mind is flat calm like a lake.
Go into this scenario daily. At first you may need to do it several times a day. Whenever you have a negative thought, or a worry, or feel anxiety, go back to your vision of your safe comfortable place. Once you feel a little calmer, re-focus on the task at hand. The more often you use this tool, the more powerful it will be for you. Use this image every time you are worrying – Use it 2000 times a day if needed.
4.Use a RELAXATION CD daily. I recommend:
www.elibay.com
He has one called “Let Go” which covers the basics of breathing and muscle relaxation. He has a free "EMPOWERED BREATHING" audio file that you can download from his web site. His other CD’s are good too. Or you can look at your local library or bookstore. (His CD's are just his voice, no background music, so you may look at your local library or book store for something that suits you better.)
Eli Bay is Canada’s “Relaxation Guru” and he offers a fabulous course in Toronto for anxiety and stress reduction. He also has a workbook to go along with the CD's and he is now offering a special price on his new extensive course on DVD – Tel: 416-932 2784 Fax: 416-932-2971 1352 Bathurst ST Suite 201, M5R 3H7
Kelly Watt wrote an excellent book on walking meditations:
http://www.amazon.ca/Camino-Meditations-Kelly-Watt-ebook/dp/B00D9U3N9S
Another guided meditation resource recommended by a client is: http://www.meditainment.com/
She said the woman has the voice of an angel and she has really good guided visualizations about self esteem and all kinds of things. Some have music and sounds of nature. Eli Bay (above) has only his voice, I think.
This one is also excellent:
http://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes .html
LF32
Your mind, body and soul will all be put to the test. Mine have been.
Being a psychology grad and in the field of behavior, I have come up with some useful tips for those going through it.
1.Take Care of Your Body
When you are under stress, your body is very sensitive to things you used to be able to tolerate. Make sure you eat right, get enough sleep and exercise and eliminate Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco, Sugar and artificial sweeteners (CATS.) This is the single most effective prescription for anxiety. Don’t be deceived by how simple it is. People who are able to do this – and it’s difficult, I know - show amazing improvement within days. Alcohol and sugar can be eliminated immediately. It is best to wean yourself off caffeine. Do not try to quit smoking when you are under a lot of stress; just try not to have more cigarettes than you usually have. If you are unable to stop or feel you are addicted to any of these substances, there is help.
2.BREATHE
Once again, don’t be deceived by how simple this is. The effects can be powerful for stopping anxiety and panic. Diaphragm Breathing: Lie down, or sit with your feel flat on the floor, and your spine straight. Loosen any tight clothing. Put your hand on your belly, below your navel. Inhale a 3 seconds breath (a slow breath) through your nose and feel your belly expand. Exhale a slow breath through your nose and let your belly fall. Take in three deep breaths and then gradually slow down your breathing and take in less and less air. Check that you are not moving your chest and shoulders, just your belly. If you get dizzy, you are taking in too much air and you need to take in less with each breath, and slow down the pace. If you are having difficulty doing this without moving your chest or shoulders, try doing it lying down. Once you have the feeling of your abdomen moving, you can let your hand go to a relaxed position, cupping your hands in your lap, or resting them on your knees, or letting them fall beside you if you are lying down.
Practice Diaphragm Breathing for one minute, 10 to 15 times a day. Practice it whenever you are waiting for something – the kettle to boil, the toast to pop, the light to turn green, in the doctor’s office, in line at a store. Do it while you are doing others things: doing household chores, fixing the car, watching TV, bathing. Do it while you are walking or traveling by car or by bus. Every time you change activities, remember to breathe. Breathe every time you feel anxious. Breathe this way in order to prepare yourself, whenever you are about to do something anxiety-producing. Eventually, you can use this breath all day long. There is a documented scientific relaxation response in your body from the massage to your inner organs when your breath goes deeply into your body, and from the air moving across the hairs of your nose. Shallow breathing, and too much oxygen, can make you anxious.
3.Thought Stopping Technique – Visualization
Another technique in anxiety reduction is known as a “thought-stopping” technique. Try to think of a time when you felt really healthy and really happy. It could be lying on a beach, beside a cool mountain stream, in front of a cozy fire, or in your own bed. Try to remember that scene with all of your 5 senses. Think of the smells, tastes (you can add your favorite food to the memory), sights, and sounds of your safe comfortable place. Then think about everything you feel against your skin. Now imagine how you feel inside your body, imagine that your heart is at peace and your mind is flat calm like a lake.
Go into this scenario daily. At first you may need to do it several times a day. Whenever you have a negative thought, or a worry, or feel anxiety, go back to your vision of your safe comfortable place. Once you feel a little calmer, re-focus on the task at hand. The more often you use this tool, the more powerful it will be for you. Use this image every time you are worrying – Use it 2000 times a day if needed.
4.Use a RELAXATION CD daily. I recommend:
www.elibay.com
He has one called “Let Go” which covers the basics of breathing and muscle relaxation. He has a free "EMPOWERED BREATHING" audio file that you can download from his web site. His other CD’s are good too. Or you can look at your local library or bookstore. (His CD's are just his voice, no background music, so you may look at your local library or book store for something that suits you better.)
Eli Bay is Canada’s “Relaxation Guru” and he offers a fabulous course in Toronto for anxiety and stress reduction. He also has a workbook to go along with the CD's and he is now offering a special price on his new extensive course on DVD – Tel: 416-932 2784 Fax: 416-932-2971 1352 Bathurst ST Suite 201, M5R 3H7
Kelly Watt wrote an excellent book on walking meditations:
http://www.amazon.ca/Camino-Meditations-Kelly-Watt-ebook/dp/B00D9U3N9S
Another guided meditation resource recommended by a client is: http://www.meditainment.com/
She said the woman has the voice of an angel and she has really good guided visualizations about self esteem and all kinds of things. Some have music and sounds of nature. Eli Bay (above) has only his voice, I think.
This one is also excellent:
http://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes .html
LF32
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