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  • Shared/Split Custody & recoup time

    Hi guys,

    Week on, week off rotation here...

    Just a quick Q what everyone's thoughts are. If a parent continuously goes away for days on end, especially one after the other almost, on their week with the kids, and the other parent gladly watches the children - is that parent watching the children obligated to have the other parent make up that missed time?

    I have been doing it, but it is starting to get out of hand this last month, with trip after trip after trip, and now the ex is at a tally of when he has time, to have the kids for 4 consecutive weeks - which I am NOT prepared to be away from the kids for that length of time saying I now OWE him this time, plus his access dinners he has lost - due to him going away often.

    Just wanted others takes on it, to see what is reasonable or not

  • #2
    A parent's time with the children is their time to use as they see fit. If your ex wants to use his parenting time to take trips without the kids, and if you're willing to accommodate him by looking after them during his access, then that's fine. You don't "owe" him extra overnights, because you aren't taking any of his away - he's taking these trips on his own initiative. If you're willing to continue to be flexible and let him have the kids for an extended period to make up for the time he missed, that would be very generous of you, but I don't think you're obligated.

    One thought - is your ex concerned that because you've had the kids so much, you may be past the 40%-60% "tipping point" at which shared residence becomes primary residence with you, and he owes you full table child support, rather than offset? He may be trying to get nights back so he doesn't end up on the hook for more child support.

    I understand that being away from the kids for four weeks wouldn't really be good for you or them - is there some negotiated way around this, like if he took the kids for two 2-week periods?

    Comment


    • #3
      Personally I would never give up my parenting time to makeup another parents lost parenting time because of their choices.

      If the other parent chooses not to parent the child on their time then they are not being a parent and custody should be re-evaluated.

      There maybe the odd time parents need to look after the child(ren) outside of their regular scheduled parenting time but it should not be excessive like what the OP describes.

      Comment


      • #4
        are these personal trips or work related trips that the other parent is going on??

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          are these personal trips or work related trips that the other parent is going on??
          This is a very important question...

          If it's work I would say you should work with him if possible...

          If it's personal I wouldn't

          Comment


          • #6
            Why would work / personal travel make a difference other than for the principle of it (ie. the principle being that he is on vacation when he should have his kids). If it's for work doesn't the law still look at the 60/40 split? Or is it different if it involves travel for work?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Pidge123 View Post
              Why would work / personal travel make a difference other than for the principle of it (ie. the principle being that he is on vacation when he should have his kids). If it's for work doesn't the law still look at the 60/40 split? Or is it different if it involves travel for work?
              Part of being a parent is supporting your children financially.

              Missing access time for work is deemed acceptable to the courts...Missing parenting time for fun/leisure is not.

              The courts are more than willing to work around work schedules to meet the best interests of the children... They would not do this just for fun....

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Canadaguy View Post
                Personally I would never give up my parenting time to makeup another parents lost parenting time because of their choices.

                If the other parent chooses not to parent the child on their time then they are not being a parent and custody should be re-evaluated.

                There maybe the odd time parents need to look after the child(ren) outside of their regular scheduled parenting time but it should not be excessive like what the OP describes.
                I agree and endorse this statement.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                  Part of being a parent is supporting your children financially.

                  Missing access time for work is deemed acceptable to the courts...Missing parenting time for fun/leisure is not.

                  The courts are more than willing to work around work schedules to meet the best interests of the children... They would not do this just for fun....
                  I would caution you on the above highlighted statement. There is case upon case where the traveling parent (for work) is ordered as an access parent and the other parent is deemed the primary caregiver. Face time with children matters. I would not recommend anyone for leisure or work disrupt their access schedule with the children. Difficult to do in some situations but, something that everyone should consider.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                    I would caution you on the above highlighted statement. There is case upon case where the traveling parent (for work) is ordered as an access parent and the other parent is deemed the primary caregiver. Face time with children matters. I would not recommend anyone for leisure or work disrupt their access schedule with the children. Difficult to do in some situations but, something that everyone should consider.
                    I agree and after reading my post again I will say that what I meant by this is that many parents work shift work and other strange hours that don't fall into a standard schedule. Ultimately it is up to this person to make sure it has the least amount of affect on the children thus their best interests.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      his first two trips were to visit family he said. two weekends apart. 16 hours away. this new trip coming up this weekend (week 4 of me Having them now)hes not saying if its work or pleasure.

                      last time he did this too was a few months back when he went on vacation to china to sightsee .

                      now this third trip in the last 3 weeks that is about to start on the beginning if his access week I don't know - he won't say.

                      sorry for any typos! im on my phone.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How do people manage to travel so much and have jobs and if they don't have jobs how do they pay for it?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It is your partners responsibility to be available for his children during his access time. If he is routinely asking you to look after the kids on his access time, you are not obligated to give him an make up access. This could open up custody if you want to go that route.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            How do people manage to travel so much and have jobs and if they don't have jobs how do they pay for it?

                            especially a 3 week vacation to china to sightsee! then two trips to ottawa in a few day period! perhaps all these trips is why he couldnt afford to help pay half the costs for swimming lessons for our children.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Makeup time is usually only if you ask to have the kids on his time (say for a special occasion or something) and he loses the time by being cooperative. Ideally, you would owe it back to him in return.

                              If he's asking you to look after the kids on his time, that's his choice and you don't owe him anything. That said, if it's due to his work obligations, it would be considerate of you to to offer some reasonable makeup time, as he probably would rather be with the kids. If he's choosing to leave them with you so he can party without them, that's his loss.

                              Comment

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