Exclusive possession of matrimonial home

[bluemoon]

What are ground to fight for exclusive possession. My ex got ex parte orders based on lies for exclusive possession of the house, restraining order. We both what kids 50/50. I was kinda forced to leave the house. After a year, i want the house back. Shr says she will buy me out but i know she plans to get primary residence with the kids. She us very manipulative. I don't want the money, but i don't want to chance to lose my kids. What are my options. I lost my job recently so don't havre much money for too long to carry the house but hopefully i can rent the basement or have a job soon. What are my options to have Strong case to get possession of the house especially when she got the house based on lies, and my fear that she will take advantage for custody. Or how can i have the primary residence, well more so final decision making for the kids. We are doing well with co parenting but when it comes to major decisions she is giving me a lot of issues. I definitely want to consult her on everything, but if there is big conflict then u would like to take the final decidion. If i get that then she can keep the house. What would be my best option to address this in court?

[standing on the sidelines]

first off I think you may have to forget about buying her out of the house. Without a job and no resources, a bank will not touch you for a mortgage. Can she even afford to buy you out?? The house may have to be sold on the market so using it for a bargaining chip is not the way to go. Find out how much the buy-out is and then go from there. If neither one can afford it then time to force the sale of it so you can get some money in your pocket for a lawyer.

How much do you have the kids now? Your best bet is to go for 50/50 with some sort of dispute resolution clause. Or maybe you have the final decision on some things and she does on others.

Please use paragraphs, it makes things easier to read.

[bluemoon]

She is in the middle of receiving an inheritance and says she will but me out once she gets that. I don't really want the money if it would give her a chance to goo to court and change the custody/primary residence.

We both share the kids 50/50, no one has primary residence and no clause to decision making. She had been very manipulative in courts and got the possession of matriminial home. She us being very difficult when there is a health issue for the kids. I have been right each time but she just wouldn't agree to anything i say about the kids. I just want to have the final say in any children conflict, but only after discussing it with her and taking in to consultation what she had to say.

The matrumonial home is just a tool for her to to come to court and say that kids live there since birth, go to same school, and that she should be given primary residence/decision making. She can keep the home if she gives me the decision making right. How do i? approach this in court

[Mess]

If you have status quo for a year and the children are happy and thriving in school etc. with the current schedule, then owning the home is not sufficient grounds to gain full physical custody.

You are being overly emotional about this. You are stressing about what she MIGHT do, what you THINK she has planned, etc.

Do YOU have stable housing that is reasonably close to the children's schools? If so, you are fine. If you are on the other side of town, then you will eventually have issues. The children's friends will be close to the school, as they get older they will want to stay after school with their friends, engage in activities, etc. This is where location starts to matter. You won't notice this when they are 5, but when they are 10-16 it will be constant.

I don't know how much equity you have in the mat home but saying "it doesn't matter" when you are out of a job is absurd. If you can't afford to buy her out, you can't afford to buy a place yourself that is in the neighbourhood.

You can't control your ex. You can control you. You can get your life in order, and have a stable residence where the kids can live with you near the original neighbourhood. Work towards that, it is a better use of your energy than fretting about what manipulative plans your ex has.

[standing on the sidelines]

So let her buy you out of the house if she can. The house and child custody etc are not tied together but I am thinking you think it is, correct me if I am wrong.

If she can afford to but you out the court will let her, its not up to you really. All you can do is either make her a better offer on the house or ask the house be listed. I think you are barking up the wrong tree trying to use it as a bargaining chip.

You should focus on why it should be status quo of 50/50 and dispute resolution. Both you and her want final say but there has to be give and take. I dated a man who would always ask my opinion on something but then did what he was going to do anyways. Fed up I asked why he always did that, his response was that he was always going to do what he wanted, he thought it was just nice to ask.Needless to say that relationship didnt last much longer.

[bluemoon]

I understand that i come off worrying for the un known, but given my ex behavior i am always stressed out. She keeps throwing motion after motion and I'm just very exhausted. I KNOW her ultimate goal is to take the kids away from me or put me in a position where i would have no say. I do live close to her house. I'm renting an upper portion of the house and drive the children to and from the school that is close to the mothers house.

The house has equity , but honestly if i can get the decision making and the peace of mind that now she will not drag me to court any time she wants to, is far greater than the money amount. Please try to understand my position and not judge She took the kids away from me for four months based on lies and i had to fight very very hard to get the 50/50. I am paying Cs and Ss, i don't want to have full custody and take the kids away from her, i just don't want to be in a position where she can again have a chance to push me away from the kids. Of i can't make a decision, and she won't value my opinion, what do i do?

[standing on the sidelines]

You dont have many options except court. Dont be willing to give up your equity in the house because once that is done its gone. If she is as bad as you say, she will take the money and keep up what she is doing.

[bluemoon]

What would be my argument in court? Any case laws?

I want to make sure that I'm not un necessarily going to court and be ordered costs. Do i make sense though? I know I'm worried but rightfully so. I love my children very much and the fact that my ex was able to take them away from me i in just a few minutes was the most horrible experience. I just want to be safe, and not allow her to do any such thing every again. I have to stay One step ahead of her.

[standing on the sidelines]

What would be my argument in court? Any case laws?

I want to make sure that I'm not un necessarily going to court and be ordered costs. Do i make sense though? I know I'm worried but rightfully so. I love my children very much and the fact that my ex was able to take them away from me i in just a few minutes was the most horrible experience. I just want to be safe, and not allow her to do any such thing every again. I have to stay One step ahead of her.

Sometimes when a person spends too much time focusing on what may or may not happen, they lose focus on what is happening right now. Dont fall into that trap.

Keep a voice recorder on you at all times when dealing with the ex, dont talk in person, use emails so you have proof of what she said. Do not engage in any sort of conflict with her.

I have a feeling you are going to end up in court. Just be the reasonable one. Offer to keep status quo of 50-50 with some sort of agreement on disputes. Would you be willing to give her some of the final say in certain areas and you the final say in others?

[Mess]

What would be my argument in court? Any case laws?

I want to make sure that I'm not un necessarily going to court and be ordered costs. Do i make sense though? I know I'm worried but rightfully so. I love my children very much and the fact that my ex was able to take them away from me i in just a few minutes was the most horrible experience. I just want to be safe, and not allow her to do any such thing every again. I have to stay One step ahead of her.

You are going to lose if you do not start thinking this through clearly and stop reacting emotionally. Give your head a shake, take a cold shower, whatever it takes, stop obsessing.

You will win if you focus on your parenting, being involved in your children's lives, taking them to school, picking them up, speaking to their teacher regularly, taking time off work when they are sick, going to the doctor with them, taking them for playdates with their school friends, having their friends over to your house. Everything that a parent should do.

If you do this you will have a dozen people, the teacher, the principal, the doctor, the dentist, the other parents, who can verify the role you have with the children. If you spend your energy fretting about your ex manipulating the system you will be missing every opportunity that comes up to be a better parent.

If you take time off work to care for a sick child, you end up with an attendance record at your work that matches the attendance record at the child's school. This is factual, positive evidence of your parenting. This how you need to be thinking and acting if you think you are at risk.

What standing on the sidelines states is absolutely true: If you give up the equity in the home, you will still have an ex that is manipulative and trying to take the kids away. For goodness sake, on the one hand you are fretting about paying court costs and on the other hand ready flush ten's of thousands of dollars down the toilet.

Use the equity in the house to hire the best custody lawyer in the province, if you are that worried. Don't give the money to your ex so that she can hire them instead.

There is unlikely any case law that EXACTLY matches your situation. And it's impossible to search because YOU CAN'T GIVE US ANY GROUNDS THAT SHE WILL USE TO GAIN FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY. Having possession of the marital home IS NOT GROUNDS. It won't show up on Canlii searches.

Go to Canlii, enter "Status quo," "custody," "access" in the search line, and then spend a few hours reading all of the cases so that you have some background. She cannot open custody without an unforseen material change in circumstances. If there is a change, it has to be relevant to the children's living arrangements. To change status quo, the change has to make a significant impact on their best interests.

[arabian]

Exclusive possession of the matrimonial home can involve many issues. Some things that are weighed are simply the ability of either of you having relatives in the city where either could stay at temporarily until property settlement. As you have gone on to rent a place I think it would be unlikely that the court with require your ex to move out and let you move in. As other posters have stated, the kids are doing well and that's really all that matters to the court. Simply put, it is probably too late for you to get exclusive possession. It wouldn't be too late for her to get it as she already has it in a sense.

You mentioned your ex is in the middle of receiving an inheritance. If the matter is before probate court it can take 6 - months. After that the money can be tied up due to CRA for another 1 - 2 yrs. Sometimes the executor will release some of the estate to a beneficiary early. So I'd not rely on your ex getting money anytime soon to buy you out. There are many, many complications that can come up with execution of a will. Estate lawyers make their living off the nitty gritty details.

I'd try to deal in the present rather counting one's chickens before they hatch. I'd get the house sold asap.

[HappyDays]

Everything about this post seems wrong.

You say you want exclusive possession, but really all you want is decision making.

Ex has possession and wants to buy you out, but you don't want the money and would prefer it sold.

You quit your job due to stress, yet you're stressing over something that hasn't happened in over a year, just trying to one up your ex.

If you've been arrested, and had the home and kids taken from you, there must be more to it. They don't hand that out for no reason.

You have no job, can't afford the house, but you're paying full cs and ss to ex who has the house and all the money.

You should spend less time stressing about 'what if' and focus on the now. Go get a job for starters. A restraining order is not a criminal charge against you unless you breach it. You can still get a job with it.

You're living in the same area and taking the kids to school and doctors. Your ex buying you out is not going to change that. Stay as close as possible and maintain what you're doing. Bringing your ex back to court unnecessarily, over stressing, moving away from the area, arguing with your ex...are all things that will go against you in court. You can't fight over something that hasn't happened. Focus on your kids!

[bluemoon]

Happydays, seems like you know it all. If yo would have read carefully, i did pay full support as i had a very good job. No i didn't quit...i was let go. Yes I'm stressed out, who wouldn't be if they go through what i went through, but what would you know?....i wanted to make sure that by letting her have the house would it in any way effect custody or primary residence...i also had questions about decision making. Yes, i do want to be a equal parent with rights to hasn't decisions which my ex doesn't want to. I am a good father and have taken good care of my family. A divorce should not be means to take my children away from me our my parenting away from me. I'm not very experienced and i don't believe in spending crazy money on lawyers. This forum is for support and to get advise acne that's why i came here. That's all i asked. I dont know why you are so upset and bitter...maybe you do miss the"happy days" and a disgruntled unhappy person.

[Mess]

Give her the house so that she has enough money to afford a top divorce lawyer and you have none.

[standing on the sidelines]

Happydays, seems like you know it all. If yo would have read carefully, i did pay full support as i had a very good job. No i didn't quit...i was let go. Yes I'm stressed out, who wouldn't be if they go through what i went through, but what would you know?....i wanted to make sure that by letting her have the house would it in any way effect custody or primary residence...i also had questions about decision making. Yes, i do want to be a equal parent with rights to hasn't decisions which my ex doesn't want to. I am a good father and have taken good care of my family. A divorce should not be means to take my children away from me our my parenting away from me. I'm not very experienced and i don't believe in spending crazy money on lawyers. This forum is for support and to get advise acne that's why i came here. That's all i asked. I dont know why you are so upset and bitter...maybe you do miss the"happy days" and a disgruntled unhappy person.

uncalled for.
You have to understand, giving her your equity in the house will not benefit you in anyway, in fact it will hurt you. But you dont want to listen so sure give her the house and she will be such a perfect person and never take you to court no matter what.