How to remove Restraining order attained by lying

[bluemoon]

Hello, I am new to this and need your help. My wife was having an affair and we were having problems in our marriage of 12 years. We have three children. I work as a software engineer and made good money. When i found about the affair we had a heated argument , she hit me and i slapped her, , she called police and i got arrested, but then charges were withdrawn. her bf left her and we tried to work on our marriage. I thought all was good when one day out of nowhere she was gone with the children. Next day i saw police officers and her back at the house with court orders that she gets possesion of house, the children and a restraining order against me. I was too hurt and shocked. she had filed for ex-parte motion she had portrayed me this monster that i was abusive to her refering to the old DV and adding new incidents throughout the marriage and it was full of lies. I have been so stressed out and the court is very draining, it affected my ability to work and i have lost my job. I am paying full CS and SS to her. Now that i have lost my job , I am appllying everywhere but I have realized that the restraining order that she got against me was not a temporary one. I thought it was not there anymore, but when i apply for jobs they do a criminal check and this restraining order is showing up in the check. I am having trouble getting a job in my field. I did not know that this restraining order was affecting my life in this way. It has been 11 months, I did say to remove th restraining order in my application, but the court is soslow we have not even reached to the restaining order. we are still dealing with finances. I need help with what can i do to remove this restraining order . Also, this oredr was based on lies and she lied under oath. She has been lying in all her materials and i have proof she is lying. My main question is that the ex-parte motion was based on lies..Not even one info ws correct and true. I have now gathered proof that she had lied. Because of exparte motion she misled the judge in believing something she had lied about and got the orders in her favour whish have cost me my children, the house, and now my job. I want her to pay for her lies. She has ruined my life based on lies. The judge was misled by her to make orders that were of ghreat misjustice to me. How can i get her to be penalized for lying as she lied under oath and got orders in her favour. I can not wait until trial as i need to work to support myself and the children.

[HammerDad]

Even if there is an ex parte order, there is still a hearing within I think 2 weeks and you are still entitled to notice of the hearing. Did you receive notice of and attend the following hearing? If you did not show up she would've gotten a default judgment against you.

I would highly recommend getting a lawyer. She went nuclear on you with the restraining order and having you removed from the house. You need solid assistance. You need to fight proactively fight these from the get go. If you didn't, you essentially screwed yourself over and are now trying to claw back to an even playing ground.

Regarding getting her penalized, drop that train of thought. It won't help you. You need to focus on getting parenting time with the kids and equalization.

Is there a court order requiring you to pay ss? If not, why are you paying it? Only pay SS if there is a court order requiring you. Pay c/s, as that is for the kids. If you want to be safe, pay the ss into a separate account so if needed/ordered to pay and arrears, you have it sitting there.

[HappyDays]

The instructions were on the Restraining Order (Form 25G) that was served to you. I believe you had about 10 days to contest the Restraining Order by bringing your own motion and filing your own affidavit. If you didn't do that, then you might be out of luck right now.

This will show up when an employer does a criminal check, but it is is not a major/criminal offense, unless you breach the orders and get arrested. Most employers are aware of the bs that goes along with divorce, but most jobs would not be affected by a simple restraining order placed on you by an ex... as anyone can walk into court and get a restraining order against someone else without them even being present in court.

What proof do you have that she lied about everything? If you can really prove that, then you are in a good position to at least get your kids back. Otherwise it will be a hard battle for you, and you're better off focusing on the future... fighting for custody/access, selling the house, and moving on.

[bluemoon]

we did go to court for the review. i was so focused on children i was fighting for them. At that time primary residence was given to her . I did not fight for anything but the kids. I know i should have asked about restraining order and house, but I was so shocked and had no clue how courts work. I have proof from the police reports and she can say that i was abusive and all that but doesnt she have to prove that too? My point is that the exparte were made on wrong information. I am getting some idea how court work now, so would a motion help? Alos, now after fighting for many months i have the children joint custody. I was ordered to pay CS and SS. I was already paying CS beore orders, but SS i was asking to impute income on her. She used to work but after our chidlren birth she stayed at home. She has a degree in software Engineering, same as me nd says she cant find work after so long break. 8 years she stayed home. I was saying she can do minimum wage. Although most judges said that she might be imputed with min wage, when the Support motion was heard, the judge said no. It was matter for trial. So I have talkked to lawyers and done research..it seems it is impossble to argue an order that has already heard the issues on a motion and made orders. I dont want to look like a bad person contesting that. Plus, itis true she took time to lok after children and it cost her her career. I am a gentleman and ok with paying her support for a few years so that she can find a job that can support her and the children. I am thinking about the children and do acknowledge what she sacrifised during the marriage. I am just concerned about how she has lied and got away with it and now my job security is at stake. I am sofware engineer, and i dealw ith sensitive information, thats why the criminal check means a lot for me. I am also worried that once I am flagged at a company with a crimina check red flag, my chances to reappky there in future are gone. My future looks bad because of this restraining order gained through lies. I DOhave proof now...it took me many months to gather evidence, but I have it now. I want these to be dropped ASAP...or can they be sealed or something that they dont show up on a criminal chck unless they are breached?

[sahibjee]

i am sorry to tell you the truth, but here it is. forget about your proofs, all a woman has to do is claim DV and she gets her way. the judges dont give squat about your proofs, most wont even look at them. I have put documents proving that ex blatantly lied on motions (just one tiny example ex swore she had only $100 in her account while i provided her bank statements with over $1200) the judges dont give shit. I posted a case in Dv section where the judge himself stated that the man's ex made 66 phone calls with false accusations to police and CAS, but the judge provided the man with no remedy, actually the judge flat out refused to grant the man any compensation. so forget that part.

the court wont deal with your restraining order unless she or FRO bring some sort of motion, you should stop paying SS & CS right away, when she or FRO bring a motion against you, you inform the court that you cant pay the amounts because you have been out of work for 11 months and cant find a job because of the restraining order. then you go on telling the court how the order was gained on lies and since you had no intention of hurting her you did not speak about the restraining order at the motion but focused on the children alone. I am sure the court will appreciate that you paid CS & SS despite being out of work for about a year and only stopped when you can no longer afford it. in fact that was the only thing that worked in my favour that i started paying CS (and her rent which was counted towards SS) right after the breakup without any court order.

also since you had a marriage for 12 years, you will be judicially robbed for at least that long or more since you have kids, so get ready for that.

[HappyDays]

I have proof from the police reports and she can say that i was abusive and all that but doesnt she have to prove that too?

Are those the same police reports where you were arrested? Even if it was later dropped, the police found that something was wrong for you to be arrested in the first place. Unfortunately, there's nothing stopping anyone from making claims... the fact that you were arrested is her proof.

Since you didn't argue the restraining order right away, it may be hard to do now. The best thing you can do is to kiss ass, be the nicest ex you can be, pay the support with a big fake smile, etc... after a year or so, you can go back to court and say you've always contested the order, you've done nothing wrong in xxx amount of time, you've moved on with your life, and have nothing to do with ex other than regular child care talks. You've proven yourself to the courts, are no threat to your ex, and need the restraining order removed in order to gain meaningful employment.

[arabian]

BlueMoon - in case you are unaware, things you say on this forum and any other forum can be used in court. I would refrain from mentioning identifying information about yourself and perhaps ask the moderators to edit your post. It sounds like your ex is devious and wouldn't be too difficult to figure out who you are.

[baldclub]

"Child Custody: A to Z - Winning with Evidence" by Guy White

Read this book asap, and implement the first rule: Get a hold of your emotions. Right frikkin now. Get some legal help after brushing up first on the forum, at the same time reach out to your local resources for stresses you are currently under.

[bluemoon]

Thank you all for responding. Seems like this would be a hard battle. I guess at trial, it would be ntt best option to show the proof and discredit her credibility. I don't know what to do. The reports are from his false allegations for abuse and after investigating police did find her bring malicious and no grounds to arrest me. I thought that coming from a police officer in his report this would mean a lot??

[bluemoon]

Is there any way, trick, loop hole to get the restraining removed? Or get the records to be sealed so that they don't show up on a criminal check?

[standing on the sidelines]

I think you are out of luck. There is a time frame that has to be followed.