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Old 04-02-2019, 10:35 AM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Something tells me this isnt a final settlement conference. If it is it is very strange that both you and your ex have legal counsel but neither of you or your lawyers have submitted any offers to settle throughout what would of had to be multiple case and settlement conferences before getting to this final conference. Regardless.....

Step 1: Ask your lawyer if they have made any offers to settle. Unless your ex threw her phone and computer into the Dead Sea and went to live in an undisclosed far away location, there are NO complicating factors that prevent YOU from initiating settlement talks. Her inability to respond to them will only strengthen your case, and possibly get you a good chunk of lawyer fees back.

Step 2: If yes: review offers. If no, start thinking about what you can live with/without

Step 3: Work with your lawyer to make a(nother) offer to settle. Stick to your guns on things you cannot live without (50/50 custody, extra summer access, whatever) and give up some things that might sweeten the deal for the ex and make you look reasonable (maybe giving them final say on medical/dental, or letting them have Christmas eves, or whatever isnt the pinnacle of existence for you). SUBMIT AN OFFER. Even if you know it will be rejected. Even if you know your ex wont make one. It will only strengthen your case. And be REASONABLE. I know you dont want to disclose too much, but if you have been splitting 50/50 access with your ex for over a year, then keep that schedule the same in your offer. Dont get greedy, thats not what offers are for. If you make more money, then include offset support in your offer (and start paying it right now if youre not already)

Step 4: Tell your lawyer to ASK FOR COSTS in the conference brief. If you win at trial and never asked for costs to be awarded at all the other steps in the past, you wont be reimbursed for those past costs. Only for costs spent on trial.
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Old 04-02-2019, 02:58 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
So send an offer to settle that is reasonable and hope that it is very close what? The real conclusion?
Correct. In fact, you want your offer to settle to be slightly better than the final order made by the judge.

For example, if you think judge will order that you receive $500/month in spousal support, then you offer to receive $450/month in spousal support. If judge orders $500, then you have "won", because you beat your offer. If judge orders $400, then you have "lost", because your offer was not as good as the final trial result.

If both people "lose", then the one who was closer "wins", but it is not as big of a win.

Why does it matter who wins? Well, because the "loser" often pays a good chunk of the lawyer fees of the "winner", and often that is a lot of money.

No one has sent offers and there is less than 3 weeks until the final settlement conference.
I don't think there is a rule that says "the individual who most identifies as male must send first offer".

One of the lawyers said that it will be decided at the court. Why would they do that?
Offers to settle are sometimes accepted, which ends the court case. Not much money in that for the lawyers.

I am confused. Can someone lose at a final settlement conference and someone win? For example?
Well, you get your lawyer fees paid from the day you send in the "winning" offer, so no reason to delay. You're right, hard to lose at settlement conference, but making an offer to settle helps the settlement conference, and I think might even possibly be a requirement?
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