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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 03-25-2019, 03:28 PM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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Default How to deal with lawyer on own

So my ex decided to draft a separation agreement on his own. I stood back and waited to see what he brought to the table. We only looked at property. Pensions etc were left out. I agreed to this. He would owe me but I am ok with letting it go. However, the draft his lawyer sent him and was forwarded to me is his lawyer is recommending that equalization is done and ex would owe me money. I get this second email stating he won't pay and since then has been trying to negotiate with me like we are buying a house. He is picking apart everything I have purchased (nothing) without thinking of his role in debt etc. We both want to put this behind us. I have retained a lawyer but this high conflict ex won't even listen to his own. He pays me X to avoid paying XXXXXXX just doesn't resonate with him. Has anyone emailed the other lawyer to advise that you will take that offer and to speak to their client? If it doesn't work then I will get my lawyer involved. This isn't child support or spousal or even arguing over kids. He wants me to walk away with nothing. His lawyer and I agree on the basics it appears and anything else would be laughable. I am afraid any lawyer I retain would turn a $1 client into a $100K client over this back and forth.
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Old 03-25-2019, 03:41 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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If your ex did not sign the draft then it is not an offer to settle and you canít accept it. You can write his lawyer and say you are agreeable to the proposal and to send a signed agreement for you to review with independent legal advice

Donít negotiate with your ex. If he brings it up redirect him to his lawyer and refuse to engage.

It sounds like the type of person your ex is is a poor dynamic for you. You think negotiating and appeasing them will make them stop bullying you but it is actually throwing out the welcome mat for them to walk all over you. Showing a backbone will actually end this a lot faster.

Go to your lawyer and proceed a straight 50/50 split, sign the draft and have your lawyer send it to your exís lawyer. Offer to go to mediation if he disagrees with your offer (you donít have to be in the same room and it is much cheaper than lawyers). If that fails, file with the court.

You canít *make* the other person be reasonable, but you can be reasonable and mature in your responses, including standing up for a fair deal for yourself. Good luck
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2019, 03:56 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by backinthesaddle View Post
So my ex decided to draft a separation agreement on his own. I stood back and waited to see what he brought to the table. We only looked at property. Pensions etc were left out. I agreed to this. He would owe me but I am ok with letting it go. However, the draft his lawyer sent him and was forwarded to me is his lawyer is recommending that equalization is done and ex would owe me money. I get this second email stating he won't pay and since then has been trying to negotiate with me like we are buying a house. He is picking apart everything I have purchased (nothing) without thinking of his role in debt etc. We both want to put this behind us. I have retained a lawyer but this high conflict ex won't even listen to his own. He pays me X to avoid paying XXXXXXX just doesn't resonate with him. Has anyone emailed the other lawyer to advise that you will take that offer and to speak to their client? If it doesn't work then I will get my lawyer involved. This isn't child support or spousal or even arguing over kids. He wants me to walk away with nothing. His lawyer and I agree on the basics it appears and anything else would be laughable. I am afraid any lawyer I retain would turn a $1 client into a $100K client over this back and forth.
so I am confused...first you say he would owe you but you are okay with letting it go, then you go on to say he pays you to avoid paying something else, then you say he wants you to walk away with nothing.

for the first part are you talking that he would owe you from his pension but you are willing to let that go?

For the rest are you talking about the rest of the equalization?
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  #4  
Old 03-26-2019, 11:07 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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I was willing to not factor in pensions thinking he would be reasonable with the properties. Pension evaluation will take months as we both have our own. I stayed home with the kids part time while he got promotions and paid into his pension. I have the same career and mine took a severe hit both professionally and financially. However, I am back on track for the last 8 years of my working career and was willing to let that go. He is so old school and tells me I had fun staying home and how could I ask for more. Going to work is far easier than staying home. I've done both. We had kids going to university next year and I have an elderly mother I care for so getting this done quickly is my goal. There is a price to pay mentally for dragging this on over a year or two and I don't have it in me. I just found out he stole 10k from our 18 yr. old son. My son is too scared to ask him about it. Went into his account and withdrew it. This will be mentioned to the lawyers and that is to go into my son's TFSA. My ex sees money and spends it at whim without thinking. He feels he is owed for whatever reason. For this reason I want all financial ties severed asap. He lives in the matrimonial home too and doesn't want to leave or sell unless I sign off that it is solely his. Even with equalization and going to lawyers he is being difficult. I thought time and some lawyer advice would sort him out but so far I am hitting a brick wall. I am not a doormat by any means...Just want it over.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:25 AM
tilt tilt is offline
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Sorry to hear you have someone that wonít negotiate or compromise. Going back and forth with lawyers is the long way with that type of personality. The fast way is the court system - really. If he wonít listen to his own lawyer the only way is to get things officially Ordered by a judge. Pensions do not take that long to get analyzed, if you donít do everything now he may come back later regarding anything he thinks he can harass you into.
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Old 03-26-2019, 01:31 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Is there a reason you cannot draft your own agreement?
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Old 03-26-2019, 09:49 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Equalization is pretty straight forward. You just make a table and split it in half. If he doesnt agree and it sounds like he doesnít , the only option is court. But he may just be digging his heels in now because he thinks he can bully you. What if you you presented a table that was an even split maybe he would realize you are not going to be pushed around?
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