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anyone seek 50-50 custody?

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  • anyone seek 50-50 custody?

    Hello everyone:

    I was wondering if anyone has some advice to offer, good or bad.
    I have been separated for over 4 years and have a seven year old son. My ex and I have joint custody where my ex has primary custody. I am considering asking for 50 50 percent custody. Some points to consider
    - I’ve never had any issues with my child support payment.
    -She makes more money than I do.
    -She gets full advantage of the tax benefits for him.
    -I am in a stable committed relationship in a stable environment.
    -He is with me one night a week and every second weekend.
    -I attend all his school functions and doctor appointments.

    -We live in relatively close proximity to each other.
    -My ex works shift and my sons spends more time with his grandparents than with her.
    -When my ex has to work and the grandparents are away, my son will stay with me.
    -He has been asking when he can start staying with his dad every second week, like his step sister does (she's 12)

    -We are in the process of having my son assessed to see if he has ADHD.

    Any dads out there that has been to court and been denied 50-50 custody? I guess I don’t want it to turn into a blood bath and I would have no hope in winning. Thanks for your assistance.

  • #2
    Why did you not want 50/50 fours years ago when you first separated.? What has changed. Can you handle more time now? How come?

    Status quo has been established with your current arrangement.

    Your uphill battle would be to convince a judge that your current lifestyle would be able to facilitate more time with your son. Meaning that your not going to send your son to day care or have your new mate look after him when he would be with you.

    Tell the judge that you want to exercise the right of first refusal. Can you physically look after your son while your ex is working?

    Best of luck. All I can say is that if you want more time, you ex better be onboard with this or your chances are slim.

    Comment


    • #3
      Before throwing out the word "custody" to your ex I am wondering if you have just approached her about spending more time with him. Usually if you can word things to someone that sounds like you're doing it for Their benefit they are more likely to be open to it. That would depend on your relationship with her and if you can have that communication. I know with my brother who has been diagnosed with a lot of difficulties in school and such that being so busy and active can wear down on a parent so if you just word it in a way that you would love to spend some more nights during the week with him and give her a break more often she may be more open than if you just serve her with more court papers. Could also look at having him more often on weekends when his step sister goes and word it again so that you'd love to take him so she can have more down time/ time to herself.
      I hope that you're able to maybe approach an agreement that way as it will be easier on everyone.
      Best of luck

      Comment


      • #4
        good advice. If you start at this with court as your first option, your chances are slim. You need to show that your intentions are for your son's benefit, and that you are trying to co-operate with his mom.

        Have you approached her about extra time?

        Comment


        • #5
          50 50

          Talk to the childrens mother. If she will not discuss it, offer to mediate on the matter. If she will not mediate, document the request and response and hire a lawyer to represent you in court.

          If your child can go to the same school, have the same friends, enjoy the same extracurricular activities, then there is no reason why your child cannot enjoy the benefits of Equal Shared Parenting/Joint Custody.

          Do you have a room for him at your home? Does he want to live with both parents?

          What benefit is there for the child living with mom most of the time?

          Even if you and the child's mother do not communicate well, Equal Shared Parenting can work well. It is a fight worth fighting, and should be the default for divorcing couples.

          It is my personal belief that Children and Parents need to have equal access to each other after a family breakdown.

          Comment


          • #6
            I have joint custody with 50/50 shared access to my son but I have had it since day one. I would suggest that you talk to your ex and ask for more time with your son. Requesting the right of first refusal would be an excellent start.

            Avoiding court is in everyones best interests.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks to everyone on this thread for these suggestions.
              The reason why I didn't seek 50-50 right off the bat was because my son was really young at the time and our physicologist suggested he was too young for a 50-50 split.
              Also, my lawyer that reviewed the separation agreement never suggested Right of first refusal. The second time I've ever heard that term is on this board.
              Honestly, the primary reason I want to amend the agreement is to give some sort of consistency. Right now, he is being ping-pong between my house, my ex-in-laws and my ex-wife's house. Our agreement indicates that he shall reside primarily with the wife, which is really not the case. I have been tracking where my sons stays when he is not with me and he is about half with my ex and half the time with my ex-in laws.
              He has everything he needs at my house including his own room and access to his friends from school. As far as the next step, the agreement indicates that we will seek her family's counsel (long story) and then an arbitrator is need be.
              Thanks.

              Comment

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