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What has family court taught you?

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  • #16
    I also learned that there is zero support divorcing a mentally ill spouse. I mean delusional, paranoid, psychotic. The system tells you to try to collaborate. Really??? Mediate. Really???negotiate. Really??? My ex changed 7 lawyers. All of them seeing he was sick. But they all took massive retainers from him for nothing. On my end, it cost me money because my lawyer had to respond. Also for nothing. Everything took forever. Trying to agree to dividing belongings in the marital home was painful. He asked for things and demanded things that were impossible. For example for months he demanded the judge granted a divorce first and then he would be open to discuss the marital home!!!!! You can't bargain with a terrorist. I got a slight break when at one point he had no lawyer and disappeared for a few months. My lawyer was then able to make some progress and get two court orders. Nothing is simple. Nothing is straightforward. Everything is taking forever. Still at it since 2013. He was not appointed an opgt until we had already spent $100 000 in legal fees. My family has been exploited! There should be a separate system to accommodate this scenario. Instead the family law system will take extra advantage and milk you dry untill you don't even have a dime.

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    • #17
      And before someone says it should not have taken so long for ex to be appointed an opgt and that I could have made that happen sooner. My ex used to get very close to judge ordering an opgt, but ex would retain new lawyer each time and argue he is already adequately represented. And then we could go another few months trying to make progress with new lawyer. But never worked and more money burnt. He was able to do this 3 times!!! The judge allowed this. Wasted 3 years of time! Mentally ill people are exploited by crooked and self serving lawyers and the sane spouse is left to fight a losing battle because there is zero support from the system. I learned there are a lot of rotten lawyers. Worst part for me. I didn't ask for any of it. My ex was not mentally I'll when we married so it's not like I should have known.

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      • #18
        Keep your emotions in check

        Almost 1.5 years in and what else I've learned is that you need to keep it business.

        Emotions = money. The more emotional you are- the more it's oging ot cost you.

        Hindsight sucks- but looking back I realize how overly anxious I was at the beginning cost me SO. MUCH. MONEY. in legal fees.

        It's a good lesson in life too. Anxiety and overthinking/worrying will cost you more than just money- it will also cost you your piece of mind. These are just stormy days. There are better ones ahead.

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