We are seperated living under the same roof with my wife making and changing her own rules as she sees fit at the time. We had a verbal agreement which has proven to be no agreement at all. We do not have any formal interm seperation agreement (do not know how or what or....... anything about what is required to get an official rulling on something like that. I just think I would have a ton of less stress knowing she HAD to follow some set of rules in the interm - the kids too). By all rights I am getting short ended financially no matter how I look at it. However I do respect that at least for now I have benefits, a roof over my head - I suppose food if raw is ok! After the doctor told me I had to cut back (I used to do all the grocery shopping, cooking and some of the housework - now i am lucky if I can get thru a grocery store) Stbx cooks supper maybe once every two weeks.
So what would it take to get an interm seperation agreement while we live under the same roof seperated until the final agreement is put into place?
Assuming the case is finally settled by a judge, which I now understand can take years, do rulings ever get backdated to the original date of seperation? Would this backdating happen if there was no formal interm agreement in place or would backdating only happen with properly worded interm agreements that deals specifically with this issue?
I know my future will be heavily hinged on recieving the support from my wife so although the normal intent is to try and get the spouses divided financially I have been told my being 50 with a 24 year marriage on CPP disability entitlement is there. If I am lucky maybe a provision is made for my being able to save a bit for my retirement during the post seperation date years. Retirement savings and health benefits are two important issues for me with very low prospects for retirement as i will only be ellegiable for about 40% max CPP retirement at 65 (even after CPP retirement credit splitting) - the rest must come from other avenues.My question would be based on the fact that over the last 8 years my wife has been forced into the breadwinner position and i into what might be termed as the not paid homesquatter in her eyes. My CPP disability pension is definatly not enough to carry my wieght or pay my personal and medical bills unless i draw on my rrsp's now. (the bad thing about drawing on the rrsp's is that i will never again have the income to replace it.)
How have others managed to get thru what I have heard to be years of this living in limbo???? Any ideas that might work? - I shall take with open arms!! (90% certain I will be there in front of a judge as my wife does not accept reality, any of the laws regarding the exclusion of certain disability money and even the inheritance that my wife moved into our TFSA accounts (at least there is a trail of that money and it was still there at seperation). Her version of negotiating is telling me to get out of HER house! Although I learned after the fact, early mediation failed last Friday - well I did learn where she is at - she wants to know when am i getting out of HER house!!
The rest below is detail (may or may not help) with the above questions:
So I have gone thru the first four months of seperation where the decision was to live status Quo under the same roof. Main rational was live as we were, buy things that are required even to the point if my wife needed some new work clothes or me a pair of shoes - who cares. Any item that was not an ordinary everyday purchase then it would need to be discussed as to the reason and the item bought using the common funds (we both have our money deposited in that account before and after seperation - her pay from work $1250 every two weeks and me my ccp disability of $900 every month. Been that way for the last 8 years - I figured it could last a little while longer. At the end all these "extra" purchases would have the rrecipts and what not and put onto the "mediation table" and we could resolve the fairness of who pays for what in the end.
This worked for about a week or two - as my wife continues to bring home little things, and bigger things from her lunch time shopping runs. She decided that this was all her money and she wasn't going to bother accounting for HER money. This rational has not stopped although I did my part - I have a personal file folder with the few items i bought (even the shoes i bought when the old pair fell off my feet). Then came her unilateral choice to tell my daughter not to purchase the meds my dog has been on for years - then her refusal to file her credit card bills to match her money withdrawn - and there is more much more but the last straw was taking $1900 without telling me, a huge for her mastercard bill of $1500 then another mastercard payment on Saturday bringing our chequing account down to below $100 and the electrical bill was due yesterday. (to her credit, $900 showed up from the kids RESP - I know the two $1900 hits are school payments but this is also the first time in three years school money came from our personal "pay the bills" account when the money to cover school is in the kids school accounts from our lifetime saving)
I know the principle of leaving her behind, she is now the stbx. This has turned out to be a lot tougher as my wife has chosen to live by her rules unknown to me and i am sort of stuck in the right thing to do - I still depend on her to pay the bills have for years and with her pulling the strings she makes me feel in a position of being a nothing person - a good for nothing, drain on HER money! I went to the bank today and froze our line of credit and overdraft protection and she can't touch the $8,000 in my TFSA account (which is now ear marked for a lawyer - that and a chuck of my RRSP's will go towards the "lawyer if needed" "or should I think down payment!).
I wish i had the physical stamina to do the self rep route - I have done the hard work - I know my financials - just need to know the rules as it pertains to my situation and that I am sure is the real challenge as one stands before the bench - for me I would probably at best have a mental breakdown right then and there - I just can't take on any level of stress very well..... the chest pains can at times bring me to my knees........
So what would it take to get an interm seperation agreement while we live under the same roof seperated until the final agreement is put into place?
Assuming the case is finally settled by a judge, which I now understand can take years, do rulings ever get backdated to the original date of seperation? Would this backdating happen if there was no formal interm agreement in place or would backdating only happen with properly worded interm agreements that deals specifically with this issue?
I know my future will be heavily hinged on recieving the support from my wife so although the normal intent is to try and get the spouses divided financially I have been told my being 50 with a 24 year marriage on CPP disability entitlement is there. If I am lucky maybe a provision is made for my being able to save a bit for my retirement during the post seperation date years. Retirement savings and health benefits are two important issues for me with very low prospects for retirement as i will only be ellegiable for about 40% max CPP retirement at 65 (even after CPP retirement credit splitting) - the rest must come from other avenues.My question would be based on the fact that over the last 8 years my wife has been forced into the breadwinner position and i into what might be termed as the not paid homesquatter in her eyes. My CPP disability pension is definatly not enough to carry my wieght or pay my personal and medical bills unless i draw on my rrsp's now. (the bad thing about drawing on the rrsp's is that i will never again have the income to replace it.)
How have others managed to get thru what I have heard to be years of this living in limbo???? Any ideas that might work? - I shall take with open arms!! (90% certain I will be there in front of a judge as my wife does not accept reality, any of the laws regarding the exclusion of certain disability money and even the inheritance that my wife moved into our TFSA accounts (at least there is a trail of that money and it was still there at seperation). Her version of negotiating is telling me to get out of HER house! Although I learned after the fact, early mediation failed last Friday - well I did learn where she is at - she wants to know when am i getting out of HER house!!
The rest below is detail (may or may not help) with the above questions:
So I have gone thru the first four months of seperation where the decision was to live status Quo under the same roof. Main rational was live as we were, buy things that are required even to the point if my wife needed some new work clothes or me a pair of shoes - who cares. Any item that was not an ordinary everyday purchase then it would need to be discussed as to the reason and the item bought using the common funds (we both have our money deposited in that account before and after seperation - her pay from work $1250 every two weeks and me my ccp disability of $900 every month. Been that way for the last 8 years - I figured it could last a little while longer. At the end all these "extra" purchases would have the rrecipts and what not and put onto the "mediation table" and we could resolve the fairness of who pays for what in the end.
This worked for about a week or two - as my wife continues to bring home little things, and bigger things from her lunch time shopping runs. She decided that this was all her money and she wasn't going to bother accounting for HER money. This rational has not stopped although I did my part - I have a personal file folder with the few items i bought (even the shoes i bought when the old pair fell off my feet). Then came her unilateral choice to tell my daughter not to purchase the meds my dog has been on for years - then her refusal to file her credit card bills to match her money withdrawn - and there is more much more but the last straw was taking $1900 without telling me, a huge for her mastercard bill of $1500 then another mastercard payment on Saturday bringing our chequing account down to below $100 and the electrical bill was due yesterday. (to her credit, $900 showed up from the kids RESP - I know the two $1900 hits are school payments but this is also the first time in three years school money came from our personal "pay the bills" account when the money to cover school is in the kids school accounts from our lifetime saving)
I know the principle of leaving her behind, she is now the stbx. This has turned out to be a lot tougher as my wife has chosen to live by her rules unknown to me and i am sort of stuck in the right thing to do - I still depend on her to pay the bills have for years and with her pulling the strings she makes me feel in a position of being a nothing person - a good for nothing, drain on HER money! I went to the bank today and froze our line of credit and overdraft protection and she can't touch the $8,000 in my TFSA account (which is now ear marked for a lawyer - that and a chuck of my RRSP's will go towards the "lawyer if needed" "or should I think down payment!).
I wish i had the physical stamina to do the self rep route - I have done the hard work - I know my financials - just need to know the rules as it pertains to my situation and that I am sure is the real challenge as one stands before the bench - for me I would probably at best have a mental breakdown right then and there - I just can't take on any level of stress very well..... the chest pains can at times bring me to my knees........
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