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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 12-07-2009, 03:47 PM
swedishberry swedishberry is offline
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Default Sick Days

Just wondering if anyone else has this issue. My partner and his ex have joint custody of their 2 kids. He wanted 50/50 time, but she was dead set against it for all sorts of silly reasons. So, he has one weeknight and every other weekend. She sees this as a 70/30 split. The agreement spells out the time explicitly (ie. Wednesday at 3:45pm to Thursday at 9:00am) One of the kids has had an extended illness and she is telling my partner that he needs to take on 30% of the childcare during the day when the kids are sick and off school. In her view, this is part of the agreement.

We don't agree. According to the agreement she has the kids at all times when they are in school, so we think she should be responsible for care when they are ill and off school. She's now set out how much childcare he "owes" her due to her calculations and is lording it against him.

Obviously, we are not adverse to having the kids more. We have pointed out to her, if there was a shared 50/50 situation, we would gladly take on 50% of the sick time, but as she wants strict compliance with the agreement, all of the sick time care falls to her.

Can she have her cake and eat it too?
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:04 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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what exactly are you against? Having to take time off work to care for a sick child? Paying for daycare or someone to watch a sick child?

While I agree that asking your partner to care for the sick child exactly 30% of the time sounds weird, is it too much to ask that he help out when his child is ill. Wouldn't a parent WANT to be there to comfort and care for their child when they are feeling bad???

If you are looking for more reasons to fight with the ex, argue this. But if there is genuine concern for a sick child, then be there to take care of them. Maybe she can't get the time off work, maybe she's getting flack from her boss. Sometimes things aren't just to make you angry, we all need help and she might not be good at asking for it.
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:48 PM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Daycare expenses incurred to enable a parent to work are considered to be 'special expenses', and they are not covered by regular CS. According to child support guidelines, special expenses are to be shared proportionally according to the parents' income, regardless of the custody time split.

If you are able to look after your child instead of using a daycare, then it would seem reasonable to me that she should be obligated to accept your help rather than incurring daycare expenses.
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:01 PM
melee melee is offline
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while we're on the topic of "sick days", my DH is coming into a real ugly battle. We currently have the kids two weekend on 1 weekend off fri to Tues. But if you read my previous posts, DH daugther has some anxiety issues about leaving her mom (because her mom has made her feel guilty about leaving her. And we have proof). So we have told DH ex that we would reduce daughters time and take baby steps until she feels confident enough to have sleepovers again (we have DH son for the remainder of our time). We only see daguther on saturdays but daughter says she now wants to spend the night! what a big step and an improvement for her! baby steps right?

Well a few weeks ago, we found out that she now wants the arrangements where we now only have the kids alternate weeks Friday to Sunday, and that's IT! Just this weekend, she said that daughter will be spending the whole weekend Friday to Sunday with a "clause" that states that if daughter gets sick, she is not to return home and DH or myself will have to take time off work until she is well enough to return to school. She says if we don't agree to this clause, daughter does not sleep over! If DH dosen't work, he dosen't get paid.

In other words, EX is NOT WILLING to compromise our proposal of alternate weeks Fri to Wed when the kids are in a good state mind, but we are to keep her when she is in a bad one (if she does get sick)? This does not make any sense.

Fri to Sun sleepover for daughter will be too much for her right now, in our opinion. It was recommended by daugther's psycologist that she needs to take "baby steps", which we think, a saturday visit plus a sleep over is a baby step and a great improvement for daughter! But EX is saying that she spoke to the phsycologist about her "Clause" and he agrees with it!....
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:35 PM
swedishberry swedishberry is offline
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Nope. It's not too much to ask my husband to care for his own sick kids, and we both willingly do it regularly.

What we don't like is the counting of hours and how we feel hostage to her demands. She will regularly call in the morning and demand that he care for the child that day. If he can't, she'll throw a hissy fit and make all kinds of threats about how she'll never let him see the kids when it isn't his time ever again. She works from home, part-time at that. She refuses to get a babysitter for any reason.

He wanted 50/50 time. She was dead set against it, but now regularly calls on him to "babysit" at the last minute and acts irrationally when he can't do it (usually because she hasn't given enough notice...and he works full-time). Then she starts telling him how hard it is to be a single parent and all that. Of course it is, and he wants to do his share, but as part of a 50/50 plan, not whenever it is convenient for her.

My question was more about whether these kinds of demands are the norm and whether they are actually part and parcel of this kind of access agreement. Whether or not he actually cares for the children (which is never an issue, and he always will when he is able), is it true that he owes her 30% of the time when the kids are sick from school even though, by the agreement, he never even has care and control of the children when they are in school? It's more of an interpretation of the agreement question.
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:54 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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Thanks for the clarification. No if she want to follow the agreement to a T, then his responsibility would be limited to the times it sets out for access. I doubt a judge would argue that he should have to take a day off with such short notice, on a regular basis anyway.

If she knew the kid was sick and could only spent say, 2 days taking care of them, then it's reasonable to give you guys a heads up and let you know he may need to help out. At least a phone call the night before to let you know he/she is getting sick.

I guess the most reasonable way to interpret it is to think what would happen if they were still married. The one already at home would do their best to care for a sick child, and if need be the other wuoold stay home from work.

But if this is something she wants to make an issue of, you are going to get dragged into it regardless.
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