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Father is stalling divorce with my mother on purpose. How will court play out?

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  • #16
    The money will go into trust until the financials are resolved. And herein lies the start of more crazy and chaos and more stalling. I have been at it for years since my home sold. The lawyers are eating up all the equity because the other side is stalling. It's disgusting. I have already lost over $150,000 on legal fees taken from my equity. I was supposed to be heading to trial last November but more chaos and more stalling and more of my hard earned money burned on legal fees.

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    • #17
      ok so selling the place until the financials are resolved is a no go. I don't want me and the kids to end up in the street.. with no access to the money!

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      • #18
        It's a catch 22. Without selling my home I would have no money for legal fees. It's been 7 years now and still at it. With equity in the bank from the matrimonial home lawyers see dollar signs and they bleed you dry. In my case I had to sell the home and I'd be homeless with my young kids if my parents didn't put a roof over our heads. I'm sorry to tell you it's a shit show. Don't expect the system to care about the kids. It's a lawyer's playground. Only they win this game as long as one party is unstable and unreasonable.

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        • #19
          You mentioned in your first post your dad is emotionally abusive and was violent to your mom in the past. Nobody wants to uproot themselves and selling the family home is painful but at what cost are you willing to keep this roof over your head? Your dad may escalate which usually happens during divorce. Not sure it's a good idea to remain in the same home with him while you litigate. Please be safe. And protect any young children from the conflict that's about to explode.

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          • #20
            Moving forward

            Your mom needs support. I admire you for stepping up as painful as this is because it is your family. I am not sure if you are in Ottawa or not but if so you can go to the police (specifically their partner assault section) ask for a referral to Victim Services. They have many resources and amazing at what they do. You could also try Immigrant Woman Services. Your mom needs to find a lawyer who is informed with the dynamics of spousal abuse. If the abuse is well documented (police records and charges in court) she may be able to get interim possession of the matrimonial home. She needs her own bank account and start putting money away. If you are going to continue to help her and live with her I am assuming a two bedroom apartment is where to look for accommodations if she can't get interim possession of the home. She is not obligated to pay once she leaves the house. She will be entitled to the full equity of the home.(I personally went through this and left and was entitled to the full equity even though I didn't live in the house for several years). I didn't pay a dime once I left. This is to protect those that are being abused and feel they need to stay to protect their interests. This may force your dad to sell if he can't keep up the payments on his own. Tell your mom not to worry about paying your dad anything. A 10k difference is nothing. Ongoing abuse could make a strong argument. A judge would most likely not make her pay since there are no minor children. Spousal support is not automatic unlike Child Support. It is meant to assist the other spouse and at 75k he doesn't need it. She should do this all ASAP. If your dad becomes disabled or unable to work then she could end up supporting him due to his disability and even less income. She could mediate more of the equity in the home to make SS go away or pay it per month so your dad has to claim it as income on his taxes.I would also rent a storage unit and start packing. I am a victim of abuse myself. I had to plan strategically in order to get out alive. I was threatened with all kinds of nasty BS but in the end I got out quick. Didn't tell him. Got my own account, saved money, packed up important items that meant a lot to me. Moved out box by box over time (he never noticed). Then one day had movers came for some furniture but I left most because its just stuff. I still had to co-parent so I had to see him and this was difficult. Just make sure you have all documents and access to joint accounts. Make sure there is no line of credit to draw from (my ex drained 100k) and that she has her own cc in her name that he doesn't know about and her name is off joint cc. I was secondary on our joint CC so it was easy to do. It sounds like she is scared of the unknown and it is scary. It is easier to stay with what you know and are used to. Making that decision to physically leave is very hard. Does she have EAP at work or do benefits pay for some therapy? This may be a start. She may also feel that as long as you are around then it will be fine for her to stay. Have a heart to heart that it is time to leave and one day you will have to be on your own making your own life too and won't always be there to protect her. Best of luck!

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