Settlement Conference in three weeks and lawyer doesn't return e-mails

[arabian]

I can recall a time where I felt lousy because ex had a HUGE affidavit and had inundated my lawyers with letters. His filing was large. Our was small.

Judges appreciate it if you stick to things that are relevant. Most of our documents are very brief. When we respond to his affidavits it is usually in point form with simple responses (eg. 1. - irrelevant, 2. - irrelevant) and so on.

We never had a big splashy submission and we won every time.

While your case is huge and complicated to you, it is not to your lawyer. Let your ex blather on and on and hang herself.

Your lawyer probably doesn't want to call you and bill you for basically what comes down to calming you down.

[AlienatedDad]

Originally Posted by arabian

I can recall a time where I felt lousy because ex had a HUGE affidavit and had inundated my lawyers with letters. His filing was large. Our was small.

Judges appreciate it if you stick to things that are relevant. Most of our documents are very brief. When we respond to his affidavits it is usually in point form with simple responses (eg. 1. - irrelevant, 2. - irrelevant) and so on.

We never had a big splashy submission and we won every time.

While your case is huge and complicated to you, it is not to your lawyer. Let your ex blather on and on and hang herself.

Your lawyer probably doesn't want to call you and bill you for basically what comes down to calming you down.

Thanks for the advice. I'm a little calmer now. My lawyer said, and I agree, that my ex is living in the past. The judge doesn't care about all the shitty things we did to each other, as long as they are no longer relevant. I am hoping that the judge will read her rants, since they do read like they come from a bitter woman living in the past. My understanding is the whole point of the SC is to move things forward.

My favourite part in her brief . . . she wants me to pay the high end of the spousal support so she can pay her lawyer. I am not about to write this blank cheque . . . she runs to her lawyer about every little thing, copies him on all my e-mails, etc. I want my (our) money to go to the kids, not the lawyers. Of course, when you objective is to screw somebody and do so publicly, money is no object (especially if she thinks I'll be footing the bill for this public slandering).

Anyway, I am trying to give her enough rope to hang herself with. If we would have gone to mediation like I wanted, we would have been done by now (and we would both have more $).

[arabian]

You've got the right attitude. She WILL hang herself if she blathers about the past because it is totally irrelevant unless it has to do with money in/out that shows a pattern of expectation that would carry over today.

When I started in on the divorce I thought that my ex would pay for my lawyer as well. My lawyer pointed out quickly that the onus is me to pay my bills, however, when we go to court we can ask for costs and/or file a separate costs application. If you are a high income earner the judges will allot some room for payment of professional fees. This is one area where the judge and lawyers stick together as they are all ultimately lawyers - how are they going to be paid. I can assure you her lawyer will be paid, even if it comes out of her share of the proceeds from the home sale.

You want to hear irrelevant and petty? 2 yrs ago, in one of my ex's long affidavits, he went on and on about what a terrible mother I was because I hadn't potty trained our son but had left it up to babysitter. Our son is 31 yrs old. Yep. My son and I had a huge laugh over that one and my son said "tell Dad I've never wet the bed." Like what relevance is there? Needless to say the matter was dropped and I don't think my ex had his sister write any more affidavits for him.

[AlienatedDad]

Originally Posted by arabian

You've got the right attitude. She WILL hang herself if she blathers about the past because it is totally irrelevant unless it has to do with money in/out that shows a pattern of expectation that would carry over today.

When I started in on the divorce I thought that my ex would pay for my lawyer as well. My lawyer pointed out quickly that the onus is me to pay my bills, however, when we go to court we can ask for costs and/or file a separate costs application. If you are a high income earner the judges will allot some room for payment of professional fees. This is one area where the judge and lawyers stick together as they are all ultimately lawyers - how are they going to be paid. I can assure you her lawyer will be paid, even if it comes out of her share of the proceeds from the home sale.

You want to hear irrelevant and petty? 2 yrs ago, in one of my ex's long affidavits, he went on and on about what a terrible mother I was because I hadn't potty trained our son but had left it up to babysitter. Our son is 31 yrs old. Yep. My son and I had a huge laugh over that one and my son said "tell Dad I've never wet the bed." Like what relevance is there? Needless to say the matter was dropped and I don't think my ex had his sister write any more affidavits for him.

The lawyers fees should be hers, and hers alone. If she thinks I'm paying, there's no incentive to economize on these from her perspective. Furthermore, as of the date of separation, assets are to be equalized, and since that date she is making more than I am when you include the spousal support that I pay her.

Funny story you have (makes me feel better about situation).

[arabian]

Yes they are her legal fees.

I got the best lawyer my husband's money could buy! The only silver lining to my ex taking me to court several times each year is that I can claim the legal fees, to defend my SS, in my income tax. You might remind her that the legal fees she is paying to get her divorce/separation are not tax deductible - just money spent on lawyers regarding CS or SS, not the divorce itself. CRA is very fussy about this and I have to send an itemized bill and letter from the lawyer to them each and every year. So if she is "fucking the dog" and taking her sweet time with her lawyer she is only hurting herself in that category.

[AlienatedDad]

My lawyer asked for an extension to file my brief. It was due Friday but she asked to file Monday. My ex has refused. I don't know who to be more upset with at this point. As I told my lawyer, we had plenty of time to prepare and she waited until the last minute. Lawyer said she will try to file on Mondau on consent.. If that fails she will try to bring a motion to file on Tuesday. Arrgghhh!

Also, I went to the Can?? site that somebody mentioned above and put in my lawyer's name. Nothing came back. Does this mean she's never been to trial? She also had never had a case where a custody evaluator was used. Should I be concerned? I really like my lawyer but with the delays and the apparent lack of expertise in important areas, I am really starting to wonder.

[arabian]

Ask her.

CanLII are cases that went to trial. Maybe she's good at getting things settled before trial. Might be a good sign. Only a small percentage of divorces actually go to trial.

Yes she does sound very disorganized and I'd address that with her at some time. I hope she has been providing you with detailed monthly billings? If the delay is due to her disorganization or overall incompetence I would make sure she knows you aren't going to pay for this shuffling, appearing in court to ask for delay, etc.

[AlienatedDad]

Originally Posted by arabian

Ask her.

CanLII are cases that went to trial. Maybe she's good at getting things settled before trial. Might be a good sign. Only a small percentage of divorces actually go to trial.

Yes she does sound very disorganized and I'd address that with her at some time. I hope she has been providing you with detailed monthly billings? If the delay is due to her disorganization or overall incompetence I would make sure she knows you aren't going to pay for this shuffling, appearing in court to ask for delay, etc.

Good points. All. Still, I'm concerned that she's never had a case with a custody evaluation. Aren't these increasingly common?

[caranna]

Originally Posted by AlienatedDad

An update on this . . . I received my ex's settlement conference brief last week. My lawyer said it was over an inch thick and so only sent me the relevant parts (at least what she considered to be relevant). Given the deadlines of the courts, we had less than 24 hours to give the other side our brief. We had been working on it for a few days but it is only about 10-pages long and it is missing a ton of information about asset valuation etc. contained in my ex's brief. Part of this is due to the fact we were never given full financial disclosure from the other side.

Anyway, the short story is that my lawyer has asked for an extension. She told me that brief is better and that the judge won't read the whole sob story of my ex. I am still concerned that we are not prepared. My lawyer said she was busy dealing with other clients and therefore we didn't talk until two days before our brief was supposed to be due.

I guess I'm just a little stressed right now.

You might want to ask your lawyer to give you the complete brief. If she is as busy as she says, it could be quite easy to miss important points. At the very least, you have the complete brief and can deal with it.

[AlienatedDad]

Thanks caranna. As said, my lawyer asked re other side for an extension to file until Monday. They refused and wanted to adjourn. Mum lawyer says this might not be possible since the case is supposed to be dismissed at the end of December. Why would the other side want to adjourn. What could be the benefit for them? Is this why they sent such a large brief, thinking that we couldn't respond in time? What if the case is dismissed? Could I reapply as applicant?