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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-24-2010, 03:55 AM
Hephzibah Hephzibah is offline
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Default Person to Person Costs

The judge awarded me "person to person costs". Can somebody explain it to me - and how that is computed? It would seem fair that he pays all costs above the normal cost of a divorce since he was the one who refused to cooperate with the legal system or his lawyer making 9 hearings and 2 trial dates necessary... but my lawyer said at least this meant he'd have to pay some of it.


Old 05-26-2010, 02:29 AM
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Elvis Elvis is offline
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Why did he make 9 hearings and 2 trial dates?
Old 05-26-2010, 03:14 AM
Hephzibah Hephzibah is offline
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The judges kept ordering more hearings and finally put it to trial. We'd seen five different judges during the case management hearings - so nobody really cared what was going on. The divorce was granted in August 2009 at the first hearing. Since then, we've made no headway in the separation agreement because ex won't follow the court orders.... didn't even bother to show up for over half the case management hearings. Finally his lawyer fired him as a client so ex is trying to go lawyer-less (thus using my lawyer at my cost).

My lawyer finally explained party-to-party to me. I'd paid a retainer and then a second amount - I now owe her about $10K - and it continues to rise as the judge keeps ordering new stupid stuff for ex to do and then going back to court to remind him he's suppose to obey the order and he won't. After 21 months, he still hasn't supplied his financial statements, he has only paid 2 months of interim spousal, blah, blah. That means he'll pay about 1/4 of the outstanding bill and I'll pay the the rest.

Now Madam Justice has ordered my lawyer to drive an hour each way to the marital home and go into the house with me to tag what I will take for my portion of the household goods. If I forfeit this, then I get nothing of the household goods. The garage sale prices I'd documented by the classifieds shows he got $14K of stuff and I got $1K. We'd totally furnished our retirement home 4 years ago. If he had been required to pay my legal fees, then I could more easily walk away from getting any household goods - but now I will need to sell my portion to pay her. Since the house was new and had a big mortgage and that was the main asset - that means he's driven the legal fees so neither of us will get anything - the lawyers will get it all. At age 59, that's not comforting. Thus, he worked for 33 years at a demanding job and technically has nothing to show for it except a small retirement (of which I'll get some of since we were only married a decade).

I have not been in the marital home since July 2008 when I left to go to the hospital for X-rays and then went to the abused wives' shelter. I wonder what precedence Madam Justice is using to force me to go into the home where I was raped and abused, mark what I want with yellow stickey notes and then my lawyer and I will take photos of them so if ex destroys them before his eviction date next week, then we have a record they were nice now.... I think that is inhumane. I have renamed her Madam inJustice or Madam Cruelty. I sent an e-mail to my lawyer asking for what precedence is Madam inJustice using for such a cruel order. I am appalled that a lawyer would force a client to go back to the scene of the crime.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's 4:45AM here now - and I'm suppose to go back in the house where I was abused in 5-1/4 hours. I am traumatized. This is so cruel. I'm praying the judge has a change of mind and doesn't force me to go to the house.

Old 05-26-2010, 09:15 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Old 05-26-2010, 05:12 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Unfortunately it happens.

Your lawyer should be tendering costs submissions for the last Step as per the Family Rules. Offers to Settle are relevant.
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