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  • #16
    Originally posted by arabian View Post
    This is an example of adjustment after separation/divorce. I will admit I took my ex's mechanical skills for grated all the years we were married. There are many times I cursed because I simply didn't know how to do something that he always did.

    I know my shortcomings and anything to do with vehicles is one of them. New vehicles with the 1-800 number is my preference.
    Arabian - me too with the post-divorce steep learning curve on cars. Just this week I had to negotiate a huge repair bill with the dealer (took the car in for the scheduled servicing and surprise! Blown head gasket, brake pads almost gone, AND slipping clutch!). I managed to negotiate $1K off the bill plus waiving the GST, and I can now tell you exactly what a blown head gasket is and why it is a very bad thing. I could have called my bf, an engineer who spent much of his younger adulthood with his head under the hood, but I wanted to do this on my own. It was kind of a milestone.

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    • #17
      Stripes - you dah woman! I'd freak out I'm sure. I admire your independence.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
        Just a question for you all... When it comes to your ex's how much of a 'helping hand' do you offer?

        I ask because the last two drop offs with the kids the ex has had car troubles. Two weeks ago her car wouldn't start at the drop off location... Bf used our CAA to have the car towed home because they couldn't boost it. This past weekend her car wouldn't start again, so we boosted the car and then she locked the keys in her car...with it running...

        I ended up calling my mechanic friend who came from almost an hour away to unlock her car. she is now refusing to pay the bill for the service call of $50, meaning we either foot the bill or the mechanic goes without. He billed us because we also had our snow tires put on that night and we owe him for that.

        So the question... What would you do in this situation? Continuing helping or leave with the kids and let her know she can pick them up when she gets her car started? Obviously we can't leave the kids with her with a car that doesn't start, meaning they don't have heat.

        I usually don't mind helping but I don't want this to be a pattern and don't feel we should have to use up our CAA or foot all her bills. Am I totally wrong on this?

        if it means I get my S8 for one second more - I *help* as much as I can.

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        • #19
          I'm amazed at the ex's refusal to pay your friend the measly $50.00 bill after all the help she received and the sense of inflated entitlement she seems to have in her attitude towards you and her ex. Not smart on her part. She is being extremely ungrateful. She was so fortunate to have you and her ex's good will and helpfulness. Now it is ruined for her. Really stupid behaviour.

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          • #20
            I never owned or maintained a car until after separation and divorce. My ex had her car which we used when we needed it, but I took the bus daily for work. Sometimes I would go weeks without driving.

            Now I own my first car (at 34 years old) and despise all the little extra expenses and maintenance. Burned out wipers? $1000 for a new BCM. Replace batteries and alternators on a nearly yearly basis... recently I lost my only set of keys and had to pay $700 just to have two sets of keys made. Apparently when I got the car it came with 4 special edition baldini tires that needed to be replaced immediately. Sigh.

            Back on the thread... I would help my ex if she called me but I know she wouldn't return the favour. On one parenting weekend my car was dead in the driveway and I had no way to get my son home... that's the one and only time she has ever driven for time with me. Otherwise she has made me borrow or rent vehicles rather than lift a finger to facilitate access to our son. Shortly after divorce in the dead of winter my car broke down. I called CAA to find out my ex had cancelled my membership.
            Last edited by FightingForFamily; 11-15-2013, 09:50 AM.

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            • #21
              I had a perfect stranger use their CAA to get me out of a ditch one time. It had freshly snowed, I was about 22 and driving my mothers car (I had a sports car which I didn't drive in the winter). My moms car had notoriously catchy breaks. A school bus about 1/4km ahead put on its lights (no cars between it and me), I touch the breaks to slow down and next thing I know I am doing spins into the ditch. Some random guy pulled over, called CAA and used his membership. I offered to pay him back, he politely refused.

              Would I help my ex? Yes. Because I believe in paying it forward....even if it is the ex. Plus my ex and I are fairly reasonable right now.

              Would I be pissed if she refused to reimburse me for expenses I incurred to help her? Yes. What would I do about it? I'd remember this going and maybe not be as helpful should the need arise again.

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              • #22
                I've kept my ex on my benefits, because it costs me zero. She has in turn not claimed any section 7 expenses. The other day she spent $50 but hasn't asked me for anything. Sometimes, a little understanding goes a long way.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                  ...she is now refusing to pay the bill for the service call of $50, meaning we either foot the bill or the mechanic goes without. He billed us because we also had our snow tires put on that night and we owe him for that...
                  Suggest to split the cost, since you also made use of the mechanic and call?

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