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  • #31
    Guilt does strange things to people. My ex did a 360 as well and became violent.
    Keep your distance, live your life.

    Good luck - be good to yourself. Him finding someone else to shag was probably the best thing that could have happened to you. You're still going through the separation anxiety part of breaking up. Give it time and you will feel a whole lot better before you know it. Keep kids clear of any dispute you may have with him in the future.

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    • #32
      We still shared an intimate bond since we had been high school sweethearts and all and being friends with benefits was helping us cope knowing in the long run that it would have to stop. I've just learned this week that he has a girlfriend (while seeing me as well on the side). I know how separation was not conventional but it was working for the time being....Now that he has a girlfriend - he only came clean because he got caught up in his lies and has made a complete 360 as wel.
      You divorced a man that you were still sleeping with....so what were your expectations here? The reason that the whole "friends with benefits" thing is a load of crap is because what it really is is that one person wants a person that they can't have and is willing to settle for scraps. The reality is that he was under zero obligation to be honest or loyal and clearly wasn't capable of either. This is really an issue about your inadequate sense of self-worth more than his actions.

      cant believe the change and how i could have had kids with such a man. He lies to his kids as well and dumps them at his mother's even when its his week of custody - and she does all the laundry and cooking and cleaning (since he has moved in with his mom and forego getting a house for the time being since his girlfriend has one). Problem I have with this, is that is mother is raising my kids on the week that he has them - because he goes out and parties so much on the weeks he has off - that he recuperates on the weeks with the kids and totally ignores them. And still goes out with her on the week he has the kids and has his mother stay with the kids. Is it me or is this unfair? I wanted to bring kids to breakfast this morning - although its his week - and he threatened to call the police on me. When he did let them come with me - he was accusing me of kidnapping?? Seems like he's having his cake and eating it too? Any suggestions on how to cope? could i get full custody or is this a lost cause? He is definitely a changed man...
      More evidence that you have issues that you need to deal with.

      I highly doubt he changed over night. More likely two things happened.
      1) He was always like this and you overlooked it to be with him. You're now "noticing it" because he's got a new person in his life and you're resentful and looking for any reason you can to tear him apart.
      2) You're still obsessed with him. What he does with the children on his time...unless its abusive (and you can prove it)...is NONE of your business. He is their father, he can take care of them how he sees fit. You have no right to invade his parental or personal privacy. Plus its highly unlikely your information is fair, balanced and/or accurate. He's probably threatening to call the police on you because you are borderline stalking him and acting obsessively.

      As for getting custody....I just don't understand this. Why do so many people think that because they had a bad experience with the ex, they can use the kids to punish them?

      If he treated you like crap...take some personal responsibility. It makes it much easier to move along and take control of your life. You let him treat you they way he treated you...its unfortunate but it happens. Many of us do it. Learn from it and move on to a healthier life and healthier relationships. The longer you are stuck, the more you let him damage you and your children.

      Also, the relationship he shares with his new gf(s) or his children is none of your concern. Leave him alone...move on! I have zero idea of what happens in my ex's home, who he dates, what time he comes home...would never have the time, gall or inclination to check into it. He has a right to privacy.

      Stop trying to use your children to punish your ex for your failures. I'm always amazed how people warp the facts to justify this behavior without any care how they screw their kids in the process. As a adult who made choices....you were a participant, not a victim. Your kids are the victims. As a mother, your job is to minimize the trauma...not make it worse.

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      • #33
        Some women like to play super mom like to their man as a way of getting to see what an excellent breeding partner they will be.Look at me ,I'm fighting for you and your kids too-wont I be awesome as the mother of your next batch?Its stupid but there is plenty of ladies willing to pick up the worst sort of men and parade them around like they are something special.Nice guys have it harder unfortunately.Don't take it personally and maybe if you are lucky, one of the gf prison pen pals will get parole soon ..... :-)

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        • #34
          Breeding partners?

          Your post was obviously a joke, I assume, and a poor one at that.

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          • #35
            There was quite a bit of ^ murphyslaw post that I can relate too. My ex convinced his new wife that I was still hung up on him (lol, nothing could be farther from the truth, and he knows it) but I did feel, and still do that her "belief" in that utter nonsense "fuelled" her desire to run to the altar w/him. Ohhhh Boy that girl is in big trouble.

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            • #36
              hadenough - my ex's girlfriend proposed to him (found the love letters) several years ago. Last I heard she is still married and her husband (former employee) is a good friend of my ex's. Is polygamy just a man with several wives or does that term apply to a woman with several husbands as well? Never could figure that one out. LOL

              I am soooo relieved to be divorced!

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              • #37
                That would be polyandry.

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                • #38
                  My situation is such that I don't like going to court as it is truly embarrassing for me that I was married to this guy for so long. The ex's girlfriend usually attends and last time I saw her she was desperately trying to flash a huge FAKE diamond ring my way. It was hilarious. Funny that she thinks I would care, after all I was the one who kicked his ass to the wind and filed for divorce, not him. She too is in for more rude awakenings before the end of the year. Karma.

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                  • #39
                    Thanks Mess! Polyandry - will have to see if lawyer can somehow refer to it in legal documents in the future as my ex always has his gf do all the paperwork and most things are in her handwriting. LOL

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                    • #40
                      As you well know, there is women out there of limited IQ who have a knack of picking complete losers.Then they get all "fight for their man"seriously though -its one in a million where a intelligent person actually wants to get drawn into a custody war a short time after meeting someone..There is supporting on the sidelines,dropping things off to the lawyer etc and then there is stalking the ex ,screaming abuse, and email hounding their boyfriends ex partner.Nobody with an IQ over 10 would do the latter.For some reason there is less guys that will go all guns blazing out for their new girlfriend, whom they’ve known for a short time.
                      A friend of mine has an ex hubby whose girlfriend is one of those shrieking harpys.She made my friends life hell through the whole divorce even though ex hubby had no actual interest in the kids.Then she started popping out kids.Now three kids later she's shrieking and harassing my friend over CS.Which is funny because...he never actually paid any.Now its back to court to reduce payments that were never paid because he cant afford new girlfriend and his new kids.The CS in question is table amount.Cant help but wonder if the ex hubby hadn't hooked up with such a high conflict individual how much better things would have been?Maybe ex hubby would have had more interest in his kids ?Maybe lawyers would have made less money?Maybe the exes would have been able to sort things out in a way that was good for both of them and better for the kids?

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                      • #41
                        I never could understand why someone would hook up with a person who is undergoing a high conflict separation/divorce.

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                        • #42
                          Its beyond me lol!Would have thought its a huge turn off really.Isn't life hard enough without deliberately taking on more hardship and drama?

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                          • #43
                            ^ all excellent points. I would have serious reservations about any "man" in the boat that my ex is.. Also true, men don't seem to get nearly overly involved in a new partner's split as some women seem to. I'd like to believe it's the exception, and not the rule. My own personal experience (w/ex's new wife) has not been pleasant.

                            IMO, I am the dream ex. I don't talk to them, don't see him/them - there is no contact, and for us: that works best. I'm going to repeat myself, I'm sure; Once again though, for the record: I do commend anyone that can have an amicable split and deal with new partners, when there are children involved. *sigh* in a perfect world.
                            Last edited by hadenough; 07-29-2012, 06:13 PM. Reason: paragragh/spacing

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                            • #44
                              ^ ditto that. My ex doesn't know where I live or have my phone number. My son thankfully isn't at the same employer so ex's girlfriend cant harass him at work anymore. We don't do facebook and a handful of people have our cell phone nos. Blissfully peaceful. Everything through lawyers and now we have it so we can go to same judge so ex's g/f can't attend court. Gotta love it!

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                              • #45
                                I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my mom always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate. Unknown

                                Yeah I don't miss mine but I do know people who do have decent relationships with their exes and its refreshing to see that level of maturity.But to be fair, those don't have adultery or abuse factoring, rather just fell out of love.The more emotions involved the harder things get. (Just my two cents)

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