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  • Runaway Teenager

    My 17 year old daughter has runaway/moved out because she did not like the house rules. I share custody with her father. He lives several hours away although I am her primairy care giver. She has moved in with her 18 year old boyfriend and his family (within our own community) and continues to attend school. I had a good relationship with my daughter prior to this relationship but I strongly suspect that that she is being emotionally abused by her boyfriend, I found evidence of drug use in her room and the boyfriend has lost his licence for DUI. His family is known to the police for several minor charges. I am terrified for her and heartbroken.

    My ex husband refuses to communicate with me on the matter. We have been apart for 5 years now and he uses our child to manipulate me and undermines my authority with her while she lives in my home at every level. I continue to support the relationship and have never spoken ill of him or prevented contact. He does however take her side at every single chance and puts me down often (I read her text messages a few time - I bought the phone and I pay the bill). He had not even met the boyfriend until the day he showed up on my doorstep and demanded her belongings to move her in with the boyfriend. I refused saying that we need to parent united and communicate with our daughter about the serious consequences involving her moving out. He went to the local police, who warned him about the family. He continued to assist her in moving out (I surrendered some of her belongings). I was told I cannot prevent her from going.

    I begged for her to remain at home where she has every comfort in the world and my fiance and I can generously provide for her future. She refuses to come home. She has been gone 2 weeks. She claims when the school year is out that she will be moving in with her father with her boyfriend joining them.

    I am reeling from the emotional downfall of my daughter living with someone in a possibly emotional abusive relationship with her father's support. And of course I am devastated to have her leave my care so early. She wishes as I said above to move in with ther father for her final school year in September. She will not turn 18 until next February.

    My questions are many and I will present the legal and financial ones here...

    1) What are my legal obligations should she break the law as a 17 year old? Am I financially liable if she is sued for example?
    2) What do I do with my child support cheques? I asked my ex and he won't answer most of emails (we do not speak) other than to say "ask your lawyer".
    3) Why would he say that? I have been told that if she leaves parental care (his and mine which she has done NOW) that I am no longer financially liable for her or am not entitled to any child support.
    4) If she decided to move back in with me (for example 4 months from now - remember she will be 18 in 11 months) am I entitled to child support again?
    5) If she carries through with her plans to move in with her father and bring her boyfriend in September - am I obligated legally to pay my ex child support even though she had left parental care for several months prior?

    Thank you. My head is spinning...

  • #2
    So sorry to hear you are going through this tough time.

    I'm guessing neither of you would owe support so long as she is living with her boyfriend.

    If she moves back in with you and is attending full-time school than your ex would most likely continue to owe you support.

    However if she does move into your ex's house and attends full-time school you will most likely have to pay child support to your ex and it may be well beyond when she turns 18 if she remains a full-time student.

    This is certainly not a clear cut case and I would probably seek legal advice from your lawyer.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi thank you for your kind words and message.

      So you are saying that a 17 year old child can leave home in Ontario - and do as they please - and as long as they move back in with one of their custodial parents by the time they turn 18 that they are entitled to financial support from the other parent?

      I know it may sound like my only concern is financial but it is not. I strongly believe my ex is manipulating my daughter and supporting her relationship for his long term financial advantage.

      As with any poster here there is a complicated and long history and thus there is plenty more than I have taken the time to write so please excuse my focus on the financial aspects.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by lovingmommabear View Post
        Hi thank you for your kind words and message.

        So you are saying that a 17 year old child can leave home in Ontario - and do as they please - and as long as they move back in with one of their custodial parents by the time they turn 18 that they are entitled to financial support from the other parent?

        I know it may sound like my only concern is financial but it is not. I strongly believe my ex is manipulating my daughter and supporting her relationship for his long term financial advantage.
        What I'm saying is you definitely need legal advice as this is a rare case.

        Child support is the right of the child. As long as the child remains dependent on a parent even past the age of 18 I believe the parents must support the child.

        Hopefully others with more experience will also jump on and reply

        Comment


        • #5
          Thinkl of it this way... If she moves back in with you, would you not expect your ex to pay support and eventually post secondary? Its a two way street and there is case law to support that even if a child has left the home, does not mean they are no longer a child of the marriage.

          I was 17 once... I moved out of my parents house and into my bfs parents house... That lasted a month and then I went home. Sometimes teenagers have to find out the grass isn't always greener on the other side

          Comment


          • #6
            Yes I would expect him to. You have to understand the history of my separation though. He also blackmailed me into signing a separation agreement ( we were never married, he controlled all the finances and had a neighbour that worked in a law office have it drawn up after hours from a template in her office and we signed it there with her as a witness after hours while he had the locks changed on our home....20 years of common law)that gave him 90% off all assets and I decided not to pursue having it thrown out because of threats he made against me that would affect me having primairy care of my child . As I said there is more to the story and I think he either has something financial up his sleeve again that I can't see or is manipulating me and our child again by supporting this abusive relationship.

            Comment


            • #7
              While all that is personal to you and can easily cloud your judgement, it has little to do with the issue at hand unfortunately. The fact of the matter is, she is not a run away teen. She simply moved out of your house. She is deciding to stay with her bf and finish the school year. As much as you disagree with her moving out, don't harp on her about it. Support her in finishing school and let her know she is welcome home at any time.

              I would not be accepting any CS payments, as the ex could very easily come back on you for repayment, seeing as she is no longer living under your roof. In the event that she moves back in with you, cs starts again... If she moves in with Dad, well you owe him cs despite your feelings towards him.

              Have you ever witnessed abuse between them or are you stricktly going on what you have been told? I can honestly say the guy I moved in with for a month had a phyco family... Yet he was close to them. I remember one evening we were all sitting in his living room and I corrected his Dad on some math (not to be rude but they were building something and I didn't want them to purchase the wrong amount of supplies) well his Dad lost it and in turn his brother and mother lost it. That was a very scary night... They had me pinned in a corner... But you know, that guy stuck up for me... Got me to his truck, locked the doors and told me not to move... He went back in the house to grab some of our stuff... His brother came out and started pounding on the window, I thought he was going to break it. My bf came out of no where and knocked his brother out. His family was abusive and had a lot of run ins with the cops but he flew so far from that family tree... He was never once abusive or harsh towards me. The point of all this is- I eventually learned myself that I did not want to live that life- took 3 years but I did. Funny thing is... After a year and a hald of no contact, him and I are very good friends.

              Don't judge a young person on their family because you may be very surprised about who they truly are...

              Comment


              • #8
                As pointed out by the other posters, parents are still obligated to financially support their child if they are deemed to still remain "a child of the marriage", even if they are past the age of 18. Also, even if a child moves out from home, if they are deemed to still be unable to "withdraw from parental care" and live and support themself independantly, in the eyes of the law, the parents are still financially responsible for the child.

                It's been a while so i can't remember the case name off the top of my head (and some specific details might be fuzzy too), but i remember reading an interesting case whereby the child (probably around 16-18 years of age) had moved out of her mother's home to live with the family of someon who was her mother's family friend. The child stated that she didn't want to remain in the mother's home because of certain conflicts and the child didn't want to stay with her father either. However, the child have had a good relationship with this family friend of the mother's, and was comfortable with living with the family of this family friend (who had children of his own). The child was still going to school, i believe. The court ruled that although the child no longer lived with either biological parent, due to the circumstances the child was still unable to completely withdraw from parental care and live independantly and thus the parents are still financial responsible for her and were ordered to pay child support to the family friend now housing the child.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Mommabear, difficult as it is to do, you have to separate the issues out, and take the emotion out of them. You cannot force your daughter to come back to your home. If you take it to court, they will ask her what her wishes are, and if she says she wants to move in with her father, that is what they will grant; at that age the wishes of the child are listened to. And if that is the case, yes you would be responsible for child support, how much would be based on your relative incomes.

                  You have no proof that this is an abusive relationship. Have you seen bruises? Have you witnessed abuse? Just because drugs and alcohol are around, that does not mean abuse follows. My big concern would be this. If you push her you could destroy the communications between the two of you, and if she is in an abusive relationship, she may not feel comfortable coming to you.

                  You need to worry about your relationship with your daughter above all else. You have to find a way to stay in touch and keep the lines of communication open. All the other issues are secondary.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by FB_ View Post
                    What I'm saying is you definitely need legal advice as this is a rare case.

                    Child support is the right of the child. As long as the child remains dependent on a parent even past the age of 18 I believe the parents must support the child.

                    Hopefully others with more experience will also jump on and reply
                    You are right FB, she should seek legal advice as rare as this is I went through a very similar situation 3yrs ago with my 16yr old daughter.
                    The outcome....I don't have to pay support to her, she left a note the night she ran away which prooved she voluntarily removed herself from my care, and she had no legit reasons for her decision other then she didn't like the rules in our home. She tried to come up with some crazy stories to justify her actions but couldn't prov them.
                    It is law, I found out the hard way, that when your 16 you can do what you want and your parents have no say .
                    The best advice I can give is stop all CS coming to you, and let your daughter know that no matter what you are always there for her!!
                    Goodluck

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      This teenager did not runaway... she moved in with her bf... at the moment, maybe no one owes anyone support, but should this teenage (at the end of the school year) move in with her father, he can go after support. There was a thread not too long ago and some case law was posted where just because the child moved out, does not mean she is no longer a child of the marriage. She seems to be still attending school full time.

                      This should not be about money...it should be able the relationship with the daughter. Obviously something happened that caused her to want to leave, but the reasons the OP is providing, has no bearing on whether the ex will receive CS. CS is the right of the child and just because things did not go the way one would hope, if that child needs support, that child deserves support.

                      If the child was not attending school I think it would be a different story, but I guess it is really going to depend on what type of Judge you have.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by lovingmommabear View Post
                        He also blackmailed me into signing a separation agreement ( we were never married, he controlled all the finances and had a neighbour that worked in a law office have it drawn up after hours from a template in her office and we signed it there with her as a witness after hours while he had the locks changed on our home....20 years of common law)that gave him 90% off all assets and I decided not to pursue having it thrown out because of threats he made against me that would affect me having primairy care of my child .
                        What makes you think that you were entitled to any of his assets? In a common law situation there is not equalization of property. What is in his name remains in his name, what is in yours is yours.

                        You give the impression that you have never received any legal advice, you made a ton of assumptions, and you have been stewing over it ever since.

                        You kept primary care of "your" child, who was apparently also his child, but who cares about that.

                        You ask if you would be required to pay child support if she moved in with her father. Why would you even ask? Why would you think you should not pay? What makes it so special that you should not pay child support?

                        You have a LOT of emotional reasoning going on here, and not a lot of logical reasoning. It is good that you are asking these questions, but you should also step back and stop blaming. It is what it is.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Very dear friends had problems with their adult daughter. They accessed a group called "Tough Love" and I believe they have chapters throughout the country. You get support from other people in similar situation to yourself. Perhaps look to see if there is a group in your part of the country. Failing that contact your local youth emergency centre for names of support groups.

                          Your daughter is an adult and I believe there is little you can do legally. Sometimes getting together with other people who are going through similar trials and tribulations is very helpful.

                          Well wishes to you and your family.

                          Comment

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