Hello.
I just joined Ottawa Divorce and have spent a few hours reading posts. I have a question for those with greater or different experience than my own.
I was married for 11 years, and have 2 kids (15 & 11 now). We separated in 1998, the kids staying with their mom. I had ample visitation every weekend. Divorce was finalised in 2000 by amicable agreement with child and spousal support. We jointly owned a house where the ex and kids continued to live. We agreed that my ex would make an effort to become self-supporting in a "reasonable" amount of time, and furthermore we agreed to wait 3 years until youngest was in Grade 1 (2003) before we would discuss sale of the family home. 2003 came and went, and the ex had made no plans to re-educate or to work, so we agreed to extend the agreement first by 6 months, then another six months. 2004 came and went, with no change in the situation. By 2005 I had a meeting with the ex and asked how the plans for work were coming along. My ex claimed that there was a plan, but that I was putting too much pressure and that we needed mediation. We went to a provincially-funded mediator in fall 2005, who stated that my ex needed to make a better effort to find some work, and asked her to come up with a plan. During several follow-up meetings, my ex presented several plans, all of which fell through. Back to square one.
My ex still lived in the family home, which by agreement I still owned 60% (and she 40%). I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment which I bought with an inheritance. My kids now were spending every weekend plus extra sleepovers at my place. The apt. was getting too small. I slept on the livingroom couch for the last 7 years, with no privacy, while the kids occupied the bedroom with all their stuff. I couldn't afford to buy a larger place while still paying CS and SS, but I hoped to get my equity out of the family home through a sale to a third party. The ex resisted strongly, saying that the "wolves were at the door" and I was trying to put her out on the street. The problem was that she had no income other than SS and a nominal job at the school board ($360 per month).
I went back to my lawyer and he prepared an application to supreme court to have the family home sold before the end of 2007. The case was successful (though, my costs were around $5000 and I paid my ex's legal bill of $2500). We received a decision that the family home must be sold on or before Dec. 1, 2007.
My ex somehow managed to secure financing and told me that she wanted to buy out my portion of the house, which she did. I used the money to buy a 3 bedroom condo in the same neighbourhood with my ex (so that the kids could commute back and forth). But now both kids have moved into my house full time. Our daughter wants nothing to do with her mom.
My ex has still not found any employment, though she has mentioned the possibility of more work with the school board. She claimed dire straits with her new mortgage, and I voluntarily increased her support to cover the period until her "new job" is supposed to start up. As well, I paid an additional $10,000 to her for home upgrades.
Now we are bickering over how much SS and CS should be. It's a bit of a mess, since the kids are, in fact, living with me 24/7. We have "joint custody". The ex is up to her neck in mortgage debt and needs a hefty increase in income to survive and not lose her house.
I think I've been generous with the ex, but at the same time I believe she should make some effort to support herself. She will never be able to financially contribute to the kids' education or other needs.
But how do you make someone work? She claimed that she gave up a career to look after the kids while I worked and furthered my career. Fair enough. Now that the kids are older, she could have gotten an education and gone back to work, but she does nothing. If I have to pay SS so be it, but with two households between us to maintain, our standard of living will be quite low.
I just joined Ottawa Divorce and have spent a few hours reading posts. I have a question for those with greater or different experience than my own.
I was married for 11 years, and have 2 kids (15 & 11 now). We separated in 1998, the kids staying with their mom. I had ample visitation every weekend. Divorce was finalised in 2000 by amicable agreement with child and spousal support. We jointly owned a house where the ex and kids continued to live. We agreed that my ex would make an effort to become self-supporting in a "reasonable" amount of time, and furthermore we agreed to wait 3 years until youngest was in Grade 1 (2003) before we would discuss sale of the family home. 2003 came and went, and the ex had made no plans to re-educate or to work, so we agreed to extend the agreement first by 6 months, then another six months. 2004 came and went, with no change in the situation. By 2005 I had a meeting with the ex and asked how the plans for work were coming along. My ex claimed that there was a plan, but that I was putting too much pressure and that we needed mediation. We went to a provincially-funded mediator in fall 2005, who stated that my ex needed to make a better effort to find some work, and asked her to come up with a plan. During several follow-up meetings, my ex presented several plans, all of which fell through. Back to square one.
My ex still lived in the family home, which by agreement I still owned 60% (and she 40%). I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment which I bought with an inheritance. My kids now were spending every weekend plus extra sleepovers at my place. The apt. was getting too small. I slept on the livingroom couch for the last 7 years, with no privacy, while the kids occupied the bedroom with all their stuff. I couldn't afford to buy a larger place while still paying CS and SS, but I hoped to get my equity out of the family home through a sale to a third party. The ex resisted strongly, saying that the "wolves were at the door" and I was trying to put her out on the street. The problem was that she had no income other than SS and a nominal job at the school board ($360 per month).
I went back to my lawyer and he prepared an application to supreme court to have the family home sold before the end of 2007. The case was successful (though, my costs were around $5000 and I paid my ex's legal bill of $2500). We received a decision that the family home must be sold on or before Dec. 1, 2007.
My ex somehow managed to secure financing and told me that she wanted to buy out my portion of the house, which she did. I used the money to buy a 3 bedroom condo in the same neighbourhood with my ex (so that the kids could commute back and forth). But now both kids have moved into my house full time. Our daughter wants nothing to do with her mom.
My ex has still not found any employment, though she has mentioned the possibility of more work with the school board. She claimed dire straits with her new mortgage, and I voluntarily increased her support to cover the period until her "new job" is supposed to start up. As well, I paid an additional $10,000 to her for home upgrades.
Now we are bickering over how much SS and CS should be. It's a bit of a mess, since the kids are, in fact, living with me 24/7. We have "joint custody". The ex is up to her neck in mortgage debt and needs a hefty increase in income to survive and not lose her house.
I think I've been generous with the ex, but at the same time I believe she should make some effort to support herself. She will never be able to financially contribute to the kids' education or other needs.
But how do you make someone work? She claimed that she gave up a career to look after the kids while I worked and furthered my career. Fair enough. Now that the kids are older, she could have gotten an education and gone back to work, but she does nothing. If I have to pay SS so be it, but with two households between us to maintain, our standard of living will be quite low.
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