Not sure what to do

[Ange71727]

The latest in my situation is that things have escalated to new levels of awfulness whereby I now fear to be in close proximity with my ex. He has been off work for 5 months due to an injury and has been sitting at home virtually email bombing me every day about anything he can think to complain about. His emails and texts have become belligerent and nasty, to the point that I’ve told him he is not to text me ever again and I have had to create a new email to keep my regular mailbox free from all his garbage. He is also using things to hold over me ie. give in to my demands or I’m withholding daycare payment/tax info/support/consent letter for travel etc.
Last night he confronted me at our child’s sports activity to yell at me for various things. I walked away to my vehicle and didn’t engage but he followed me to my vehicle and persisted. My husband saw this from across the parking lot and ran to my defence, basically saying “Ange get in the car we’re leaving”. At this point the ex barred our entry into the vehicle and said we weren’t going anywhere without a resolution to the issue. Ex and husband then got in each other’s faces and almost came to blows. Nobody threw a punch but my husband was shoved pretty aggressively. All while parents, kids and OUR OWN children looked on. This whole thing was absolutely horrible and I did not sleep a wink last night thinking about it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to make him angrier and worsen the situation, at the same time this guy is a cop and threatened at several points to make a “phone call to his friends”. This isn’t the first time he’s thrown around his cop-power with me either. I am worried that the kids will have to see this again. He is volatile and unglued I think. What should I do? I have written out a whole account of the incident. Should I email it to my lawyer? My parents think I should report it to the cops. I am just looking for advice I guess.


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[CoolGuy41]

Report it to the cops and if they do not do anything, hire a hitman to kill the ex. My understanding is this has been sanctioned by the highest court in the country:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Ryan

[arabian]

BOTH you and your husband speak immediately to Staff Sargent. Ask that person what they propose to do. Important for you to write down specifics of altercation for your own record to review in future. Give copy of that to your lawyer to sit on. In cases such as these, it often comes down to 'he-said-she-said' and it is therefore important to have documentation.

This is very serious. Sadly, this is not unusual. Police forces have to deal with cases of abuse of power often with their members.

Don't end up being a statistic. Your kids need their mother. Protect yourself.

[Stillbreathing]

You should either 1) go to the justice of the peace and get a restraining order or 2) bring an emergency motion without notice to family court asking for a restraining order and that your ex be court ordered to get a psychiatric evaluation and counselling.

Using the domestic violence lethality risk assessment scale from what you have described your situation already has some of the risk factors such as an acrimonious divorce, a new man in your life, the ex being off work, escalating conflict. Take this very seriously.

Good luck

[kate331]

Agree with Arabian & Stillbreathing, with this situation you need to do something before this escalates. I would call a women shelter for advice too. In the meantime cut off all communication with him, its only fuelling the fire.

[rockscan]

Agree to cut off communication. If there was an emergency, there would be other ways of finding out. However you will need to respond to one stating this is abusive and harassing and you will no longer respond to any further communication with this tone.

You do need to file a police report. Regardless of whether he is an officer, it needs to be done. There is a growing movement to ensure first responders are getting the mental health care they require and from the sounds of it, your ex needs it immediately. Not just for you but for him. Yes he is a cop but there are other ways around it. You could ask to have a staff sergeant deal with it and escalate it if necessary. If you are worried, you could also speak to your detachments police services board and possibly the body that oversees the police (not sure what that is..). Prepare for the fall out though. He will get angry. Cops don’t like these types of things. Make sure you video every single incident and keep all of his stuff.

Your safety and the safety of your kids is paramount (also your husband, thats a given) so you have to document everything. If it comes to a point where you need to request supervised access, then you have the documentation to back it up. He’s dealing with some serious emotions that relate back to his role as a cop. Plus he wasn’t the most stable person to begin with. You may also want to speak to someone yourself about dealing with an unstable first responder.

[dad2bandm]

...
Last night he confronted me at our child’s sports activity to yell at me for various things. I walked away to my vehicle and didn’t engage but he followed me to my vehicle and persisted. My husband saw this from across the parking lot and ran to my defence, basically saying “Ange get in the car we’re leaving”. At this point the ex barred our entry into the vehicle and said we weren’t going anywhere without a resolution to the issue...

Something here doesn't add up? So your kid(s) were with the ex lastnight then? Or you? Who was all leaving then? This sounds like bad behaviour from everyone involved, from an "outsiders" viewpoint.



If it's as serious as you say, then yes, one should obviously speak to the police.

[Ange71727]

We were all there as it was a sports activity night. My husband and I attend all sports even when it isn’t our parenting time (plus my husband is the coach). It was not our parenting time that night but the ex had been badgering me about many things by email and took the opportunity of seeing me in person to scream at me about it all. Of course it isn’t ideal that my husband was involved either - it takes two to fight of course. However, he went into defence mode when he saw my ex yelling at me. Of course it’s awful behaviour, especially for the kids to witness.
Hopefully it “adds up” a bit better for you now.



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[backinthesaddle]

speak to professional standards

Keep a documented account of all incidents such as this. Your ex has a duty to conduct himself in a manner that would not bring embarrassment to his profession. You can complain about a police officer's off duty behaviour. Once the partner assault section gets your report it is investigated right away. Contrary to what many think, cops investigating cops are ruthless and will go after him. Provincial mandates are set for partner related incidents and it doesn't matter who you are. You don't state if you are small town cop, rcmp or big city but a cop trying to bully you is no longer tolerated in a personal situation.

[plainNamedDad44]

get a restraining order. period;