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Stats Canada data: 80/90% custody for women

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  • #16
    yes, i had 160,000$ worth of expensive calgary lawyers...

    the lawyers would not take instructions, any instrcutions I gave they said find another lawyer or do it there way...
    Sigh...

    Bitter, high-conflict people who hire shark lawyers and try to "win big" in court are often hit hard by the karma bus. They then try to project blame in any available direction because its easier to them than admitting their own culpability in the situation.

    while my lawyer was speaking the Judge turning to my X's lawyer mid sentence and telling her council to take a message to her client 'It wont be long now' ...
    Paranoia and the feeling like everyone is conspiring against you is a pretty indicative sign of you having some issues.


    Tayken and BillM: Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Very well said.

    Comment


    • #17
      I only took my x to court once
      , for child abuse

      Comment


      • #18
        You spent $160,000 and went through multiple lawyers to take your ex to court once?

        Who did you divorce, a Kardashian?

        Comment


        • #19
          time for a recap :

          i posted this topic correctly in the 'political issues'
          catogory of this website.

          statistics canada 2006 census data was graphed
          which shows where upto 2.1 Million children were placed.

          also posted was data source where you can download the
          data yourself.

          the validity of the statistics has been argued with
          counter posts.

          i have posted some idea's on what a reformed Family Law
          might look like to smooth out those graphs, perhaps my
          examples of reform were overly simplistic but the concept
          of a less 'argumentive' Family Law structure could be used to keep
          $ in familys pockets.



          where did $160,000 go ? let me squeeze 4 yrs in the following
          summary which might give you some insight into why I want reform
          and why I believe those graphs tell some truths :


          i ran with children from home due to severe abuse, i file emergency protection order, mother files expartee for house,car, custody and police
          enforce her order

          childrens services put mother under supervision order, i am homeless,
          children are put in foster homes, eventually children are placed with me,
          order was repeatitly challenged, mother claimed finacially abused then
          physically abused and so on. each time in front of a different judge.

          mother then hired 2 shrinks, the first one wrote memo's i was a @ss
          though they never met me, the other wrote a report with
          recommendations and mothers's lawyer ripped the lengthy recommendations off the report and took it to court and litigation continued.

          all while litigation is going on a contact schedule for mother and children
          is implemented so litigation is not stopping steps towards access.

          childrens services was faxed afidavits multiple times - things like
          children left home alone, so i had to visit them multiple times.
          Children Services report shows no issue children like living with their father.

          death by litigation is however crossing my mind. i am struggling financially,
          there are binders and binders of materials and filed affadavits accumulating, i am questioning where this goes, i am advised to let the court over turn supervison in due time not before, if she repeats and I did not protect children then Children's Services will take them from me also.

          now the argument of 'childs voice' appears , so children are assigned a
          lawyer at ages 9,6 and 4. childrens lawyer and mothers's lawyer join and pick a case management Judge. Judge orders every 2nd weekend for mother and every weds evening. mothers lawyer and children lawyer then choose a therapist i am told will 'smooth issues going between the 2 homes and for child safety'.

          the argument soon appears that pre-abuse mother was primary caregiver so status quo should be reinstated.

          i ask for parallel parenting as I am still receiving materials from mother
          like picture of a tombstone.

          in final months my children tell me they want to go live with mother, i ask
          why and they indicate therapist made them feel sorry mother and told them things like 'girls live with their mothers'.

          i tell my lawyer what children are telling me who writes/replys 'nothing i can do about it, they wanted to give her another chance'

          so i conceed, i give up - my view is that to continue i would be trying to
          hold children by force, as the children exchange hands (oldest first, then
          youngest two) its revealed mother has moved out of the city - hence i get 12% access.

          judge states joint custody still but indicates 'sole' custody might be more appropriate.

          some months later the mother abuses 2 of the children again, the childrens lawyer takes it too court - this is the one court appearance i did initiate, the children's lawyer states they were denied access to their clients but falls short of stating which parent denied access to confirm the allegations and evidence, the Judge suggests the children's lawyer should just resign so they did.

          lights out, case closed ...



          thats were $160,000 went - structure of custody and access was not clearly defined - there was no road map as to what the end might look like, everything in between start and finish is 'argumentive' and only
          litigation would define the final structure - thats wrong !

          how about '1 year supervision, take the courses, 2 years every second
          weekend then 50/50' , any structure to work toward instead the pit'ing parents against each other.

          Comment


          • #20
            Statistics relate trends.

            Contrary to some points here, the offered study by the OP is as good a place to start as any when considering the social implications of the 'fatherless' child.

            I am the first to admit one cannot draw conclusions of causality from this one study, but you are foolish to not consider it as a valuable insight into the problem.

            Where does the problem stem from? Well I suggest more study is needed to determine that fact.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
              Paranoia and the feeling like everyone is conspiring against you is a pretty indicative sign of you having some issues.

              Tayken and BillM: Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Very well said.
              That is an excellent observation you made. Anxiety can cause people to create situations in their head that just don't exist. "Fear" is a major factor in family law litigation. 90% of affidavit material is peppered with "fears" that the other party is going to do something really bad.

              It reads as an "annihilation anxiety" to me...

              Annihilation Anxieties - eNotes.com

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #22
                culture, politics, immigration, language, employment etc differs by region , these factors can influence types of statistics.

                however the graphed data shows child placement % relatively equal across the country regardless of region.

                ponder the odds of 13 sets (regions) of data having similar % naturally if without influence.

                what's the social impact , could it be self perpetuating in some way?

                please post your views as this is a faceless forum, dont worry about ridicule if this topic is important to you.
                Last edited by pokeman; 03-30-2012, 02:23 PM. Reason: mobil device spelling issues

                Comment


                • #23
                  was hoping for some more feedback

                  here's what i think based on my experience

                  whats charted is 'bias', its deep and its
                  wide and charted it looks organized,
                  and thats why the Canadian Government
                  currently isnt intervening ...

                  my kids are in the 3+ with female column today
                  so my opinion counts.

                  my file involve 20+ individuals, about 90% female
                  and 10% male.

                  i never heard once 'poor kids', what I did hear is
                  'that poor women without her children'.

                  here's a few examples of leaning towards one sex :

                  under supervision the mother was reprimanded by male body guard,
                  memo from the supervision company female chair to court = 'No major issues'

                  under probation mother left children with someone her herself
                  swore was 'not trustworthy' , child broke wrist in this persons
                  care while mother took off with boyfriend ..

                  in court - i the only male , not even mentioned what she did ...

                  cause the mother was in such deep sh1te the worst came out in
                  those whom believe 'mothers only' and so I speak to what I experienced.

                  emergency protection order for me (male) granted .... not enforced;
                  3.5 yrs child support for children in my care ............. denied;
                  parallel parenting due to abuse I suffered ................ denied;


                  In calgary alberta canada my children were beaten till they bleed from
                  the mouth, i was attacked and beaten in front of children, roles reversed this case was over in about 10 minutes ...

                  what fathers brutally beat their children and wives and get custody - or even see their children.

                  its not the written law thats discriminating against fathers, its those
                  practising it and the supporting infrastructure ...

                  Until the Government of Canada legislates '50/50' the odd's are fathers
                  are shoving $ into a system that in the long run just hurts their children
                  futures once they are buried in debt ...

                  look at the charts ... have a good laugh at the 'your paranoid' posts BUT more importantly visit your MLA's - write your MP .. they already know but arent going to do anything about it till votes are at stake ... get mad if thats what it takes and make a difference.

                  edit : just wanted to add, in 2008 the mothers income was +80,000$, mine was less, i never got a dime in child support, in 2010 when children were transfered to her, it took the court 12 minutes to grant her a child support order ...
                  Last edited by pokeman; 05-02-2012, 01:04 AM. Reason: layout, spacing - still cant spell - sentence out of order

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by pokeman View Post
                    was hoping for some more feedback

                    here's what i think based on my experience

                    whats charted is 'bias', its deep and its
                    wide and charted it looks organized,
                    and thats why the Canadian Government
                    currently isnt intervening ...

                    my kids are in the 3+ with female column today
                    so my opinion counts.

                    my file involve 20+ individuals, about 90% female
                    and 10% male.

                    i never heard once 'poor kids', what I did hear is
                    'that poor women without her children'.

                    here's a few examples of leaning towards one sex :

                    under supervision the mother was reprimanded by male body guard,
                    memo from the supervision company female chair to court = 'No major issues'

                    under probation mother left children with someone her herself
                    swore was 'not trustworthy' , child broke wrist in this persons
                    care while mother took off with boyfriend ..

                    in court - i the only male , not even mentioned what she did ...

                    cause the mother was in such deep sh1te the worst came out in
                    those whom believe 'mothers only' and so I speak to what I experienced.

                    emergency protection order for me (male) granted .... not enforced;
                    3.5 yrs child support for children in my care ............. denied;
                    parallel parenting due to abuse I suffered ................ denied;


                    In calgary alberta canada my children were beaten till they bleed from
                    the mouth, i was attacked and beaten in front of children, roles reversed this case was over in about 10 minutes ...

                    what fathers brutally beat their children and wives and get custody - or even see their children.

                    its not the written law thats discriminating against fathers, its those
                    practising it and the supporting infrastructure ...

                    Until the Government of Canada legislates '50/50' the odd's are fathers
                    are shoving $ into a system that in the long run just hurts their children
                    futures once they are buried in debt ...

                    look at the charts ... have a good laugh at the 'your paranoid' posts BUT more importantly visit your MLA's - write your MP .. they already know but arent going to do anything about it till votes are at stake ... get mad if thats what it takes and make a difference.

                    edit : just wanted to add, in 2008 the mothers income was +80,000$, mine was less, i never got a dime in child support, in 2010 when children were transfered to her, it took the court 12 minutes to grant her a child support order ...
                    Take it up with your MPP and MP. Provide the police incident reports and CAS reports. Work on legislative change not negative advocacy. Stop being a victim and work towards change in a positive way. Systemic problems you believe that exist should be addressed through legislative change...

                    Furthermore, your continued insulting and self centered approach to the resolution of this problem in this very post may identify why what happened to you.

                    Trying to vent on a public message board isn't going to get you anywhere and isn't building you any supporters.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Pokeman, I am sorry for what has happened to you, really.

                      That doesn't change the fact that you are biased due to your own experience, it is affecting your ability to look at data critically. In order to get any positive action taken on any issue, you have to present your issue and arguments in an analytical fashion.

                      Presenting raw data from across the country means nothing. It is going to vary from province to province, for different reasons, it will vary from one economic group to another, it will vary by gender for good reasons and it will vary by gender for bad reasons.

                      You need to have a tighter focus and show where, why, and how the bias affects the results. You aren't doing that, you are just ranting.

                      If you want to come on here and blow off some steam, there is nothing wrong with that, we all do it. But it's not reasonable to come on and rant and then complain that you aren't getting the response you want. We aren't obligated to respond the way you think we should.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        I agree with Mess. If your story is true (do you have a link to your court decision?)...you have truly suffered and so have your children...so you have my sympathies. I don't understand violent people...never have. I can't understand anyone who thinks they have the right to physically hurt children or a spouse because they're stronger.

                        However, you can't take your one (very extreme) example and extrapolate it to all of Canada. Situational bias may exist in the courts because historically women have simply done more of the child rearing in the past but I do not buy that there's a conspiracy of courts letting women get away with beating up their kids and husband and giving them the whole farm in return.

                        I agree that more needs to be done for men that may be suffering through abuse because it does happen...but men's groups need to champion that like women's groups have championed the same.

                        During the MIP session I attended a while back, one of the men asked where the Men's Shelter was in my area...and was told "there isn't one" by the lawyer doing the presentation.

                        He then replied "Why? Men get beaten too."

                        And her response was...

                        "Because you haven't opened one yet."

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                          "Because you haven't opened one yet."
                          Not a great answer but, not a bad one either. Men are unwilling to talk about and address the issues of "intimate partner abuse" they suffer. In North America there are only 2-3 men's shelters.

                          Really, if we address the whole issue of "intimate partner abuse" properly there shouldn't be a need for a shelter for either gender. But, that is a pipe dream really.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Tayken:

                            I took her point to mean that it took an organized movement to create women's shelters and now that times are changing and there are more cases of abused men coming forward, that men need to organize and create the same.

                            Its true coming forward about abuse is probably difficult for men...but I doubt its easy for women either.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              this thread wasnt suppose to be about 'me'

                              its just I am describing my experience why
                              my children are in the 'with female 3+ children' .

                              i have tried to speak to as many fathers as possible
                              about their court experience, i dont have alot of data
                              but generally almost all of them have every 2nd weekend
                              and weds night access, the few that have custody was either
                              due to the mother dieing or leaving else extrodinary events
                              like their children running on the streets at night to
                              get to their father. Only recently I found a 50/50 arrangement,
                              the mother had multiple child endangerment charges and he
                              wrangled up a 50/50.

                              i will add some of these fathers commented something was 'wrong'
                              in court though they couldnt articulate what it was beyond a 'feeling'.

                              these fathers experiences somewhat align with my experience.


                              what is about 'me' is my last lawyer told me 'they are going to discriminate against you and thats just the way it is here' , can I prove that .. 'No' ,
                              however I let the lawyer go because the children were telling me
                              their lady therapist was telling them they are girls and girls live
                              with their mothers' and my lawyer wouldnt do anything about it. so i let them go and they wrote me 'there is nothing I could do about it, they (Judge included) wanted to give her another chance' , that I can prove.

                              thats discrimination by the way, this is the infrastructure I am
                              refering to that is deep and wide and has the interests of 1 sex over the other.

                              so as far as I am concerned the Court system manufactured me and my
                              views.

                              50/50 has to be legislated

                              as you may know 1 law has been changed because of what was done
                              to these children so I know changes can be made.

                              I am currently in human rights court on some of these matters so
                              not disclosing everything , all i have is the truth and frankly to
                              date its been of very little value.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                I am currently in human rights court on some of these matters so
                                not disclosing everything , all i have is the truth and frankly to
                                date its been of very little value.
                                You're in human rights court so you can't post a Canlii link to an already closed matter?

                                Why? If its a public document it can't possibly have any implication to what you're discussing here. And obviously, if you're trying to get support for a cause or even trying to justify an argument, it would be extremely relevant.

                                Forgive me for saying this but put up or shut up. This is honestly where posters like you fall apart. You want to rant and rave...and no one here is going to fall for that. If you've truly been done an injustice and something needs to change and you want support in your effort, then have the conviction to show how you were mistreated.

                                Otherwise, you simply come off as another dried up, angry, bitter poster who didn't get what they wanted and who needs an audience to whine to.

                                Post the link.

                                Comment

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