Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 06-17-2019, 11:37 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default Early case conference results

So went in to try and get an initial access schedule with 11 yo. Based on STBX lawyers assertions that 11 year old does not want to speak to me, he ordered an application to the OCL and nothing more. Told my lawyer we could “take our chances with a motion”...and that the “OCL will be able to identify any alienation that’s occurring.” Both counsel just went to chambers for 15 minutes and that’s it. Justice Douglas Grey, Milton court...

I know he could order anything not on consent, but feel a definite deflating inside. I am aware of the concerns re OCL but at least now I have a court order that forces her to have the kids speak to a clinician.

On a separate note, is it reasonable for me to say that my 11 yo needs to call me if she expects me to pay for her summer camp? I feel like I’m enabling her disrespect and abusive language if I do...
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-17-2019, 11:43 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,629
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

My husband went through the same thing with his ex about the calling to pay for things. She used it as disrespect toward the child’s feelings and that it was abusive. When she put it in her documents the judge ignored it.

If you put expectations on her connection on things then it may push kid further away. You could send your ex a message asking that she have kid call you to talk ABOUT camp. Don’t expect her to ask you for permission. To me doing so is a control thing and not fair to the kid. Remember she is in a situation where she is being led to believe things about you. If you place an expectation like “if you don’t call me I wont agree” it will just make her hate you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-17-2019, 11:46 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes that was my primary concern. I am just trying to balance out that they are also being taught that I’m nothing more than an ATM that they can ignore yet still demand money from.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-17-2019, 12:45 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,629
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

You can say that to them but they may be too young.

You could tell your ex to have kid call you about camp and leave it at that. Don’t attach “Im not paying if you don’t speak to me”. My husband told his kid “why should I agree to things I know nothing about? Maybe I will stop agreeing if you don’t share info.” And his ex and kids took that as him holding permission hostage. Even though he agreed to things and gave permission going forward.

The problem is you WILL be seen as an atm by your ex and you have to reconcile that. Hopefully the request for therapy will help resolve it with the kids.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-17-2019, 01:02 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 349
tunnelight has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

OCL is good for identifying alienation. see video here how to best represent your case to assessor. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LgPZKGFZmCc

I wouldn't demand the child call you. it will just piss her off more. just pay and move on.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-18-2019, 09:37 AM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,150
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by shepherd View Post
On a separate note, is it reasonable for me to say that my 11 yo needs to call me if she expects me to pay for her summer camp?
No.

If you attempt to blackmail your kids/ex like this, the likely result is that you will be forced to pay a fixed amount for S7 expenses and your consent for these matters will be dispensed with.

Quote:
I am just trying to balance out that they are also being taught that I’m nothing more than an ATM that they can ignore yet still demand money from.
Unfortunately, that is the lot of the EOW parent. You will indeed be an ATM machine that can be ignored.

That is why I was telling you to push for 50%, nothing else matters. Have you sent in the schedule yet ending at 50% as an offer to settle? Why not?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-24-2019, 08:52 AM
shepherd shepherd is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 29
shepherd is on a distinguished road
Default

I have proposed your recommendation to my lawyer Janus; she is debriefing with senior counsel about the merits and risk/reward of pursuing a motion for access prior to the OCL's review (I know your thoughts on their involvement). If I pursue a motion to force initial access, if I lose, i'm on the hook for both sides' costs...

The next day was a meeting with CAS and D11's public school re: re-enrollment in the fall. CAS made it clear they expect my daughter's therapy to resume ASAP, and even mentioned their ability to secure Supervision Orders for attendance. The discussion included other items like inappropriate sharing of information with children, and the need to effectively parent the children despite their refusal to do certain things. After the meeting, I took the opportunity to speak with the CAS worker who seems empathetic to my case re: evident alienation and objective of equal parenting.

It's the waiting that's killing me. The idea of another 2-3 months of no progress is infuriating.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Case Law, Case Conference and Mediation Free-spirit Divorce & Family Law 5 09-30-2012 09:55 PM
Case Conference first timer Divorce & Family Law 6 02-14-2012 04:21 PM
Filling evidence for Case Conference?? Frustrated_DAD Divorce & Family Law 3 08-09-2011 12:51 PM
Postponing Case Conference frustrateddad1970 Divorce & Family Law 2 06-18-2011 11:38 AM
No doc been served from Respondent for case conference nick2009 Divorce & Family Law 6 01-22-2010 07:38 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:47 PM.