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  #1  
Old 04-09-2019, 01:15 PM
Whataboutbob Whataboutbob is offline
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Default Hello there

Hi, I'm a dad of 2 kids working my way through the separation process. My wife and I are looking to separate amicably, but to continue under the same roof for a number of years while we enter a new relationship of being co-parents to our kids. We aren't arguing or fighting, but over the years it be came clear, to my wife first and then to me, that we fell out of love and weren't able to rekindle it over the years . We both see ourselves remaining on friendly terms. I'm hoping it stays that way, but the horror stories one hears are alarming.

After having more questions then answers following initial consult with a lawyer and realizing many things may be less clear, especially the tax and spousal support implications, I find myself in need of education. Hopefully over time I can also contribute, although if things goes as planned it sounds like I'll be more of an edge case. I have lots of questions around separate but under the same roof, but I'll hold those for separate posts while I do a bit of lurking and reading.

I somewhat expected to read a forum of everyone bashing their ex (understandable) but I was pleasantly surprised to see a number of different views that seem more balanced. Anyways, its great to meet you all, if under unfortunate circumstances.
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Old 04-10-2019, 05:43 PM
ifonlyihadknown ifonlyihadknown is offline
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Whatever you do, make sure your finances are separate. Also, figure out and document the marital assets as of the date of separation.
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:11 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whataboutbob View Post
Hi, I'm a dad of 2 kids working my way through the separation process. My wife and I are looking to separate amicably

Are you ok with her bringing home a boyfriend and having loud sex in the bedroom? Is she ok with you bringing home a girlfriend? Have you guys even discussed the issue?


Quote:
We aren't arguing or fighting
Not yet. However, when you are not married, it is even harder to work through disagreements, not easier. There will be fights, but there won't be the backstop of "we are married, so we need to work this out.


Quote:
but to continue under the same roof for a number of years while we enter a new relationship of being co-parents to our kids.
That is going to be one weird household for your poor kids. What happens if you disagree? Mom thinks kid should go to bed, but you want kid to stay up to watch the latest sports game with you. Mom is going camping with the new boyfriend and wants to bring kids. You are not invited. Are you ok with that?


Quote:
if things goes as planned it sounds like I'll be more of an edge case.
Everybody thinks that they are unique. You think you are the first to come here talking about how you are going to live together amicably with your ex?


If you could live together with your ex, then you would stay married. What is the point of the divorce?


This is an impending disaster. If you guys are still amicable, then get a separation agreement NOW and sell the house NOW. By the time you realize it doesn't work, things could be a lot worse.


...and I'm serious about the "loud sex with boyfriend" thing. Some people can handle that, but most cannot.
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Old 04-11-2019, 07:23 PM
Whataboutbob Whataboutbob is offline
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Thank you both for your candid feedback.

I've prepared my financial disclosure in preparation for meeting a lawyer which would show the state of all accounts. Moving to separate accounts.

I didn't mean to imply I was unique or immune but I will give more thought to your warnings.

I fully concede there is a very real chance things will fail. I'm exploring if it might be feasible to play it out assuming I can mitigate the worst risks. I've had an initial consult with one lawyer which raised questions for me around the lack of certainty even with an agreement , but I'll ask in another post in the correct area.




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Old 04-13-2019, 03:30 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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I notice that you dodged the question about how you would feel if she brought a new boyfriend home
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:29 AM
Whataboutbob Whataboutbob is offline
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You got a p.. I'm not that nice ...

Wasn't trying to dodge just not the most pressing issue at the moment. Considered.

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