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Old 10-20-2018, 11:57 PM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Default collecting/removing items from former home

When it came to the actual time to phyisically separate your posessions, how did it go down? Initally ex took persoanl things like clothes etc and later on has taken some stuff, but other stuff never did pick it up. some stuff I have sent as I found it, especially the first year, like winter boots when winter came, etc. stuff that was in storage, as I found it over time.
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Old 10-21-2018, 09:16 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My partner had a list of “his” things he wanted from the house. There ended up being other things he never thought of and they are probably still in the house (his ex is a bit of a hoarder) or were trashed.

My father only wanted a few things when he left and we continued to find things of his for years after. While my mother hated him and wanted nothing to do with him, we insisted that some things be kept (unimportant things like tools, his desk contents, a coin jar and photos) because it was traumatic for us to have all evidence of him erased.

You could put things in a box in the garage as you find them and then advise them they are there and the next time they get the kids they can get them. If they choose not to, donate them.
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Old 10-21-2018, 10:00 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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My ex cleaned out the bank accounts . I had exclusive possession of the matrimonial home. After his bail conditions were lifted ( about 18 mos after separation), he was allowed by family court to come back every second weekend and the kids and I had to find somewhere else to live. He threatened if we didn’t also take the pets with us he’d surrender them to the high kill shelter. This terrified the kids.
During his weekends at the home he did the following:
- tampered with the well so the water was undrinkable
- took valuables without permission every time he was there
-staged the home to be filthy then called CAS on me
- finally burned ALL the furniture on the grass at the back of the barn

There were bed spring coils and charred metal remains in a giant burnt circle about 20 feet wide in diameter. He even burned the kids possessions! That’s when we all went into hiding and have been ever since!
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Old 10-21-2018, 12:15 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Thats insane how do you get possession of the matrimonial home and he gets to "visit" it every other weekend? That makes no sense.

Your situation sounds terrifying, and I know your ex due to his mental state cant help himself. But if it was me I would be screaming at the top of a roof demanding some kind of closure. Clearly the Family Court System has failed your family.

Start a letter writing campaign to everyone you can think of too help, including the media.
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Old 10-23-2018, 05:15 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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I made a spreadsheet listing all the major contents of every room and put a name beside it. Tried to split it fairly evenly and give each of us the stuff we bought/cared about. It went back and forth once or twice but pretty much was how we did.

Over a year later though, we got to our settlement conference regarding equalization and he claimed that I took a much larger split and put a 20k dollar amount on it. The judge didn't care what he said and ignored didn't factor into equalization (luckily cause it was bullcrap). The court doesn't really get involved in the splitting of house contents.
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Old 10-23-2018, 10:46 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I was married for 30 years so we had plenty of "things."

As acrimonious as our divorce was, I have to say that the dividing of possessions was quite simple. Ex came over one afternoon and we walked through the house together room-by-room. He indicated what he wanted and I indicated what I wanted. We had no disagreement. A week later the moving truck came and removed his stuff.

A few weeks later, however, ex and g/f raided the garage and tool shed and took pretty much everything. It was strange. I was going to move into a condo so I didn't want the items but I needed them until house was disposed of. Annoying and petty on their part.

I think the two of us recognized that the contents in home were trivial compared to the big picture of the marriage ending.

... I made sure that when that moving truck came the last bag in the truck was a green garbage bag full of... garbage. (so that would have been the first thing he unpacked). Gave me a chuckle at the time.
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