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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 05-18-2015, 10:24 PM
thebookworm thebookworm is offline
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Unhappy Living Nightmare! 4 Kids Taken By False Sexual Abuse Allegations By Exwife!

First let me start with a brief background summary.

I have 4 kids (all under 9yrs) with my ex, who is extremely narcissistic, controlling of the children, and generally jealous of their love for me. I moved out and ended our marriage 2 years ago, after being made to feel like a lower member of the house than the dog. There were many ups and towns since then, but generally I maintained a constant relationship with the kids, having them 2-3 days a week, and sleepovers mostly (if she decided to allow it).

* Out of the blue, shortly after my two girls (2 and 6yr old) came over for a sleep over, I get a call from the police saying the 2yr old told her mother I sexually touched her.
* About a week later, the boys reportedly told the mother that I touch them too and they saw me touching their sister on a previous weekend.
* The police did a forensic test immediately and after the first weekend and those results showed my innocence. At this point CAS was open to me having supervised access with a family member. The mother refused this.
* I paid a top polygraph examiner to test me about sexual abuse. I passed the test with a very low deception score.
* CAS closed the file stating that I have no access so they have no role presently. They advised me to contact my lawyer to get access back. They state the results of their investigation are 'inconclusive'.
* I filed a custody/access application against their mother, demanding access to children again.
* Exwife hires man-eating bulldog lawyer. They file answer with court stating that the children are attending sexual abuse counseling at a crisis center, but 'the results are not finalized'. The word the entire answer as if the abuse as in fact occurred.
* The allegations seem to have changed 3 times. Originally it was just about the 2 year old daughter's statement about touching on the first weekend. Then it was all the children including the boys. Now in her answer filed, it seems its just the girls now, yet nowhere is there a mention of my oldest girl ever claiming such.
* She is asking for termination of access, and saying that I should not even have supervised with family because we will grill the children with questions.
* My affidavit includes 30+ pieces of evidence including phone recordings, emails and her facebook screenshots.
** One phone recording is from a past incident that has her hysterically accusing me of putting the kids at risk of molestation, simply because i had my gf's daughter over for a sleepover. She witheld sleepovers for several months because of the great risk i allegedly put the kids in.
** Another phone recording is from a weekend where she, on the phone, coached my son into repeating that he did not want to come over to see me, then saying he's not coming because he doesn't want to. She repeats the same phrase 12 times to the 1yr old to convince him he does not want to see daddy. its hard to describe here but the call is very sickening and is pretty clear proof of alienating behavior.
** I have a forum post made by her from when we were married where she details her suspicion that our 2yr old son is a sexual deviant and predator. All this because he showed some normal curiousity. Again the post is quite sickening but hard to summarize here.
** I have many many examples of her controlling/alienating behavior, such as emails scolding me for feeding them "grocery store meat". (I'm only allowed to feed them food from sources she approves, this is part of her parenting requirements).
** She admitted in her answer that she herself was sexually abused by a male family member, but denies any plays into her actions.
** She insists that she home school the kids using an "unschooling" approach. I have her admitting to doing "unschooling" on facebook. My oldest son cannot read and my daughter has extreme shyness around strangers. In her answer she is blaming those behaviors on the alleged sexual abuse. I'm opposing the homeschooling and basing my argument for custody largely on this issue.
* There are prior incidences of her calling CAS on me for trivial reasons, which CAS closed without concern. She's been trying to get me "in trouble" for some time, and it seems now she's found something sickening enough to lie about that people seemed too shocked to disbelieve.

At this point, I'm waiting for the case conference and the CAS disclosure of their files on our family. This has been a complete nightmare for me as you can imagine. So, any feedback or advise will be helpful, but I have a few specific questions:

A) Will all of my evidence of her alienating and damaging behaviors even matter to the court? I'm hearing alot of stories on here about court ignoring evidence and im getting worried. My allegations against her are not as shocking as hers, but mine are 100% truthful and backed up with hard evidence. Will the judge consider her past alienating/vindictive/persecuting behaviors when looking at her allegations? Remember she is the only person (AFAIK) that the kids allegedly said these things too.

B) When is the realistic time frame of when I will see my kids again (even supervised)? Its already been 5 months and I'm sure the kids miss me very much. We had great relationship and I gave all 4 much love and attention all the time.

C) If it is revealed that their mother exaggerated/overreacted/manipulated these accusations, will their be any redress? Will this influence the court to give me custody?

Any help or advise is needed, or just to talk. I'm really having trouble hanging on the this fight. Only the love for my 4 kids is sustaining me, but I feel if i dont get some help/support soon, I might not be able fight on much longer.
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Old 05-18-2015, 11:17 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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It matters - these types of pieces of evidence because they show what is being done to the kids.

Can you not get an independent psychosocial assessment done?

Sit back, assume your relationship with your children will be completely destroyed and you will have to go about restoring it, It will take time but ideally eventually after sometime (months or years) your name will be cleared.

If I were you I would ask for sole custody if the evidence you have is as solid as you say it is.
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Old 05-19-2015, 01:01 AM
thebookworm thebookworm is offline
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We did ask for an order for an assessment, but asking exwife to pay for it. She answered she can't afford it. It seems if one is to be done, I'll have to pay for it. I imagine the cost for 4 kids will be prohibitively large. Any one have an estimate of the cost?
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Old 05-19-2015, 08:20 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Sorry to hear of your situation.
Does your wife have a blank cheque for her legal? (Legal Aid).
Assessments can be expensive and lengthy.
So your current situation is no access pending the sexual assault centre report???? and CAS (who have closed your file because you have no access?) That makes little sense to me.

The LAST place I'd want my children to receive any form of coaching (aka counselling) would be at one of those places particularly as sexual interference/assault has not be proven.

I'd have the Order you are seeking have a cease and desist part about the so-called 'counselling' and instead have children assessed by a qualified child psychiatrist/psychologist who specializes in this area. Yes it will be expensive but it might be the only way to stop the brain-washing.

It sickens me to read, yet again, of a mother using false allegations of sexual abuse to advance her child custody.
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Old 05-19-2015, 09:27 AM
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I had mine done in Quebec for about 3000$ with a qualified reputable experienced psychologist. It basically destroyed any chance my ex had for relegating me to every other weekend idiocy but the judge pulled some manoeuvres to not give me shared anyways.
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:13 AM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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False allegations of sexual abuse seem to be the rule rather than the exception lately. Need to see more of these cases have some serious consequences. Taking away custody from the accuser works somewhat but only leads to years of continued abuse at their hands (see WD). Ordering costs doesn't seem to have an effect. We've seen at least one case where a misbehaving parent was put on probation over interference with access. What will get the message across? Jail time? Firing squad?
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Old 05-19-2015, 10:16 AM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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I went through some of the same meat grinder. I had voluntary no access for nearly a year while I collected expert evidence to try and clear my name. I have been to rebuild a very good relationship with the children involved, luckily they were very young and don't seem to have much memory of it. It happened nearly 4 years ago.

Collect your evidence, get it to the right people, don't give up or waver for a moment, but be patient. It can take months or even a year or two to right these kinds of wrongs.

Love for your children is important but don't neglect taking good care of yourself. Avoid drugs and alcohol, try to stay social with whoever you can, try to get sleep/exercise. If you need help coping, work with doctors to get meds and/or counselling. Consider taking parenting classes. You might learn a thing or two and they always look good to a judge.

Last edited by FightingForFamily; 05-19-2015 at 10:20 AM.
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:24 AM
thebookworm thebookworm is offline
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Exwife does not have legal aid AFAIK.

I've read that I can ask for the children's lawyer to perform the assessment for free, has anyone experience with that?

It seems the "access pending" thing was my wife's idea. She is the only party in this not allowing supervised interim access.

We have included an order to cease the "counseling", but I fear by the time that comes down the river, it may be too late.

I will definitely keep everyone posted as the case progresses.
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Old 05-19-2015, 11:35 AM
thebookworm thebookworm is offline
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Quote:
I had voluntary no access for nearly a year while I collected expert evidence to try and clear my name. I have been to rebuild a very good relationship with the children involved, luckily they were very young and don't seem to have much memory of it. It happened nearly 4 years ago.

Collect your evidence, get it to the right people, don't give up or waver for a moment, but be patient. It can take months or even a year or two to right these kinds of wrongs.
FightingForFamily, may you elaborate on your evidence strategies? Which experts did you see? It seems hopeless as I really don't know what to ask an expert for, they could not even interview the kids.
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Old 05-19-2015, 06:59 PM
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I'm trying to understand this part:

CAS closed the file stating that I have no access so they have no role presently. They advised me to contact my lawyer to get access back. They state the results of their investigation are 'inconclusive'.


"Inconclusive" should read "no abuse verified" .. as they did not verify any abuse .. would be my thinking.

My ex had shut down access as well when she contacted CAS. I had no access but interviews/CP investigation still occurred regardless. Those investigations were thorough, formal and found nothing even close to abuse. In fact they caught on to ex and formulated a very nice report with many "trial-worthy" comments/findings. (Not that I want to go to trial .. I want this over!)

You need CAS to investigate this and disclose the truth, whether you're getting access or not.
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