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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 11-26-2012, 11:53 PM
kidsRworthit kidsRworthit is offline
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Default Interference of parenting time is abusive and not in children's best interests

Parents who interfere with access are failing to act in the best interests of their own child and are in fact failing in their duties as parents.

My weekly parenting time was to start today however my ex kept our 9 yr. old son at her place claiming he did not have a good night as he was distraught about staying with his dad for the week. She lives 30 mins. away and the exchange place is at the school = end of day Monday. I asked her where and when I could get our son, and she claimed that he did not want to stay with me.

I informed her she has a moral and legal responsibility to provide our son to me for my parenting time, and she stood firm that it is our son's wish. The job of a parent is to parent. I am very upset and did inquire with the police. They will respond if there is a court order or detailed separation agreement.

We completed mediation last year, however, no signed SA was secured as my ex refused to sign the final version. I have utilized a lawyer for a while with alot of paperwork flowing back and forth, a self-rep urgent notice of motion and a case conference. No outputs, and a sizable legal bill. Disenchanted preparing a defense labelled as a bad guy (married 13 yrs.)

My ex stated tonight: if our son feels better tomorrow, she will take him to school, however she plans on picking him up after school because he does not want to go to my house. If he changes his mind at any point, she will advise me (evident control issue).

I am our son's father, and our son has a right to enjoy a relationship with his father based on the agreed upon status quo EOW. (documented in legal submissions as part of the Continuing Record and uncontested by her lawyer) she continues to manipulate our son, which is clearly wrong. Preventing him from having a relationship with me on my parenting time is also wrong.

I have provided the school with a summary page outlining the EOW schedule which shows Nov. 26 as dad's week. I do not intend on them enforcing it. Should there be a showdown, I am prepared to alert the principal to the situation, and mention I will be there to pick up my son as it is my parenting week.

Suggestions on how to to deal with the inappropriate behaviour of the High Conflict OP?
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:08 AM
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I don't know the legal process of SA in relation to child custody/access but it seems to me that the SA is the most important document you can get at this point. Hopefully you can get your lawyer on "fast forward" mode and get this resolved before Christmas. Do SA agreements have police enforcement clauses in them when it comes to child custody and access or would that ramp things up to a higher level of conflict?

I can see that you are very frustrated, and I don't blame you, but I think it is so very important to cover the bases when doing anything in family court.

Hope you can get this resolved soon. How old is your child?
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:17 AM
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Look into getting a motion for a temporary parenting schedule. Be cautious as this may be the other parties intent to force your hand in this.

Justices do not like to alter the status quo. If memory serves me you have over a year of it.

Motions can be costly.

I am sure others could help you here with what else you can do. You need to be firm like you did on a few other conflict occasions you have had with her.

Just remember to not question your son a lot about what's happening this week. He will most likely feel very torn. Try vey hard not to make a scene in front of him. The other party is pressing your buttons. Don't rise to the occasion in a way that will negatively affect the kids or yourself.

Do call your lawyer in the morning.

Just be certain that you are not seeing conflict for the sake of it. Sometimes we can tend to be hyper vigilant when a simple explanation or solution can be possible.
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:20 AM
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The catch 22 factor is the police will not respond unless there is a court order or detailed SA to reference. My ex refused to sign the final SA (which detailed the EOW status quo).

I have suggested round two mediation, and my ex flatly refused to discuss further with mediator, so I suppose I'm stuck considering/requesting motion for status quo 50/50 EOW parenting. What a waste of energy and $ asking court for motion to enforce status quo.

Son is 9, daughter is 11. I hear you on the covering bases. Ex is clearly brainwashing our son over past 10 weeks, and I am taking high road wherever I can so my behaviour will be acknowledged in court, her's will be acknowledged as self-help and self-serving, and I will ideally command respect from my kids for being a role model. Mom will likely lose respect for being deceptive with our son. I am hopeful that with maturity, our kids will see through the crap. Really hope I don't lose connection with my son in the meantime...
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OhMy View Post
Look into getting a motion for a temporary parenting schedule. Be cautious as this may be the other parties intent to force your hand in this.

Justices do not like to alter the status quo. If memory serves me you have over a year of it.

Motions can be costly.

I am sure others could help you here with what else you can do. You need to be firm like you did on a few other conflict occasions you have had with her.

Just remember to not question your son a lot about what's happening this week. He will most likely feel very torn. Try vey hard not to make a scene in front of him. The other party is pressing your buttons. Don't rise to the occasion in a way that will negatively affect the kids or yourself.

Do call your lawyer in the morning.

Just be certain that you are not seeing conflict for the sake of it. Sometimes we can tend to be hyper vigilant when a simple explanation or solution can be possible.
My lawyer is aware of the shananigan behaviour of my ex an just happened to be informed today that she may pull such an overstay stint today. (was discussing my bill).

So, I agree that I have to use tact and determine options and recommendation lawyer has - temp motion to enforce status quo (14 mths. shared parenting) seems a lose lose situation. At same time, I have nothing tangible to act on/call police on as ex will continue pushing buttons...because she can (we never signed a SA, so there is no agreement...)

Believe me when I say, I am more than fair with her. This is at least situation #4 where she is taking her own initiative. (she told me today...I can take our kids out of school on your parenting week, because I'm the mother) This is the character I am dealing with.

I realize this is a marathon, and fortunately, I have trained long and hard.
Love your kids more than you hate your ex. Mantra to live by. I want to live a long and enjoyable life with many laughs and memories with my family and kids.
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Old 11-27-2012, 01:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bthom View Post
The catch 22 factor is the police will not respond unless there is a court order or detailed SA to reference. My ex refused to sign the final SA (which detailed the EOW status quo).
The police will rarely respond even if you have a court order. They don't like to get involved in this and they will rarely seize a child from their parent even if there is a custody issue, as long the child is safe and the parent is not about to flee the country. What a separation agreement will do is allow you to take her to court for contempt.

Quote:
I have suggested round two mediation, and my ex flatly refused to discuss further with mediator, so I suppose I'm stuck considering/requesting motion for status quo 50/50 EOW parenting. What a waste of energy and $ asking court for motion to enforce status quo.
Waste of money? Is the mediator working for you free of charge? Returning to mediation is to repeat a process you have already been through. What is there to mediate? If you are not going to compromise and reduce your parenting time, there is nothing that is going to be gained by further negotiation.

Quote:
Son is 9, daughter is 11. I hear you on the covering bases. Ex is clearly brainwashing our son over past 10 weeks, and I am taking high road wherever I can so my behaviour will be acknowledged in court, her's will be acknowledged as self-help and self-serving, and I will ideally command respect from my kids for being a role model. Mom will likely lose respect for being deceptive with our son. I am hopeful that with maturity, our kids will see through the crap. Really hope I don't lose connection with my son in the meantime...
It's fine to take the high road, but don't become a doormat, doing nothing, not responding to her behaviour, and not working with your children to restore your relationship.

You should have read this many times on this forum, and this has been quoted from a judge's decision, that if a child didn't want to go to school a parent would still send them. If a child of 9 doesn't want to go to their other parent's house, they should still be sent. By allowing this you are complicit. You could pick up your son at school tomorrow, or take other immediate steps. You are allowing your ex to exert control.
  #7  
Old 11-27-2012, 01:12 AM
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If you pick your kid up tomorrow, against her wishes and she calls the police, what do you suppose is going to happen?

1. Highly stressful situation for your kids to be in and you further alienate yourself with no help from your ex. You can bet the police will make a report to child protective services then you are in the defensive mode once again. You then have to go through the whole interrogation ordeal and are thrown into a he-said, she-said situation. You will say she didn't sign the SA and she will say the same thing.

2. School will think the two of you are nothing short of nut cases.

In my opinion you should get your lawyer off his butt and make it HIS problem. This is what you are paying him for. It sounds as though children are at age where they are easily embarrassed. This isn't life-and-death situation and I'd suggest you continue on your path of keeping your cool. By waiting to have a court approved agreement in place you certainly won't be doing anything wrong. Just make sure you document everything.
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:13 AM
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I would have to agree with Arabian on this. If you can try and sort this out through your lawyer that would be the best way. Dragging the school into the middle of this and potentially exposing the children to conflict may not be the best course to take. I am assuming the school has a copy of the separation agreement?
  #9  
Old 11-27-2012, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadia View Post
I would have to agree with Arabian on this. If you can try and sort this out through your lawyer that would be the best way. Dragging the school into the middle of this and potentially exposing the children to conflict may not be the best course to take. I am assuming the school has a copy of the separation agreement?
that wont do him any good as he stated the ex refused to sign the SA.
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:38 AM
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I highly recommend the OP read this thread and the attached case law:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-mossip-13753/
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