Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 08-19-2011, 01:58 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,865
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default General vent

OK, my ex is a CAS worker. As such, she pretty much see's the scum of the earth day in and day out (not saying everyone involved with CAS is scum, but when you hear about 7y/o's being molested and 2y/o's with cigarette burns on them, you will start to see what I am talking about).

IMO, due to her job, she has a extremely jaded view of the public, people in general and parenting. She feels she is supermom. Her mother feels the same. They both believe that the world is out to get my D6 and that she should pretty much be left in a bubble to grow.....for example of the differences in parenting style...

1. My family are seasonal campers. Site has 90 spots, 70 of which are seasonal, 3 of those are my families. We've been going there approx 5 years. We know the owners and the neighbours fairly well. As such, I allowed my D6 to walk less than 50 metres to the site store. I watched from the deck.

2. One of my brother-in-laws buddy was up at the camper for the weekend. We were all down by the lake swimming and using Buddies Sea-Doo taking the kids for rides. I head back to the camper to bring the dog back and clean up a touch leaving D6 with my parents and my sisters and their husbands. As they were walking back from the beach (it is about 200 metres from beach to camper) Buddy offers to drive the kids back in his quad-cab pickup. My 8y/o nephew and D ask to go, my sister (8y/o's mom) says yes. Buddy, nephew and D drive to camper...going 10km/h.....

Now, D6 has been programed to tell Ex EVERYTHING. What she doesn't outright tell, ex and her mom pull out of her. And they take everything she says as gospel. Like D6 said she went to the store by herself, which my ex has taken that I was inadequately supervising my D6 as she could be hit by a car, abducted etc.......the speed limit is 10km/h.....and apparently she missed the part where I watched her walk over.

Second, D told her about riding in the front seat back to the camper in Buddies truck. Ex is all up in arms about no booster and air bags, but more so about how Buddy (my brother in laws long time friend) could have molested my D and that she is not alllowed to allow with anyone who is not family.....apparently, the worlds is out to get my D and that all men are potential predators.

Now, I will agree, there are sicko's in the world, but really....I feel I am a good judge of character and so is my family. For Ex to get so bent out of shape borders on complete paranoia. And now I have to deal with D6 who looks up to her mom and Ex telling D6 what she can and cannot do on my time.....

It just sucks having someone who is paranoid as an ex. They don't see logic or reason. They just see what they want to see....and in my ex's case, she wants to believe that I am a bad parent......

end rant...
  #2  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:15 PM
NBDad's Avatar
NBDad NBDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Ignore her... and if she has that much concern, tell her to call CAS
  #3  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:34 PM
MiViLaLoco's Avatar
MiViLaLoco MiViLaLoco is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 117
MiViLaLoco is on a distinguished road
Default

Way to go NBDad...very appropriate advice

Not meaning to poke the bear here...but...

Working as a CAS worker your ex knows that a very, very, very high percentage of all abuse is done by someone in the immediate family or by someone who is close friends with the immediate family.

That being said...she would probably be better off educating your daughter in a calm and safe manner than "questioning/interrogating", "pulling information", and demanding what she can and can't do on your time.

She is setting a bad precident for when your daughter gets older IMO.

...and I feel your pain. Too bad some people can't just let kids "grow".

Last edited by MiViLaLoco; 08-19-2011 at 02:35 PM. Reason: additional stuff
  #4  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:36 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,865
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
Ignore her... and if she has that much concern, tell her to call CAS
I would and generally I do employ radio silence, but she is asking me to agree to the following:

Quote:
1. First of all I need to know the address of the camper
2. you will agree to refrain from alcohol use at all times while caring for D6
3. you will agree that I am permitted to daily (private) contact with D6
4. you will agree that D6 is supervised at all times by someone over the age of 21
5. you will agree that D6 is only with family
6. you will agree that D6 is not left with strangers and not in any vehicle with no booster seat
1. Fine, gave the address.

2. Isn't a big deal, but to agree to indefinitely and to the point of where I can't have a beer on a hot day or a glass of wine like any other adult, is rediculous.

3. Our agreement already provides for this. But I bet she wants private to try and drag info from my D6.

4. Legal age to babysit is like 13.....why should I have more restriction then the next parent.

5. ok, so I guess she wants only family over the age of 21 to be able to babysit D6....however, it isn't like I have EVER used a babysittyer before. She is suggesting that ONE of the times D6 went to the store with her 8y/o friend, I put the 8y/o in the position of babysitter...again, she failed to pay attention to the point where I watched them go. She picked and choosed what she wanted to hear/believe.

6. Didn't she cover this under item 5? I mean, generally family aren't strangers, but I could say there are some cousins who I rarely see who could be strangers...so what does she want? As for the booster seat, I agreed.

But yeah, I need to learn not to read emails from my ex when I walk into work in the morning.....it really screws my day.
  #5  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:43 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,865
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MiViLaLoco View Post
Working as a CAS worker your ex knows that a very, very, very high percentage of all abuse is done by someone in the immediate family or by someone who is close friends with the immediate family.
I know this too.

But I also know it is a high percentage of a very small percentage of a population. It is like saying that it is 60% of 3% of the population. But for to be upset/scared about a 200m ride at 10km/h with D6 and nephew 8 in the car is pretty extreme.
  #6  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:44 PM
MiViLaLoco's Avatar
MiViLaLoco MiViLaLoco is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 117
MiViLaLoco is on a distinguished road
Default

Holy Hanna!

...I don't think a bubble would be good enough for your ex.

I'd just tell her to either A. Call CAS or B. Take you to court She can really do neither because what she is asking for is not anywhere within her rights to do so. In fact, she is seriously stepping on your rights.

What she is demanding is downright manipulative and controlling. She cannot demand to know what your daughter does with you every second. She cannot dictate what happens on your time...at all...period.

I would agree to none of what she's asking for...none!

...and what the heck is going to happen when your daughter is old enough to go to friends houses to play...or gasp! date?!?
  #7  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:50 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,865
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MiViLaLoco View Post
...and what the heck is going to happen when your daughter is old enough to go to friends houses to play...or gasp! date?!?
....or when her friends from school invite her to a birthday party or playdate on my parenting time.......
  #8  
Old 08-19-2011, 02:54 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,469
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

or heaven forbid she has a male teacher.

Your ex is way over the top.
  #9  
Old 08-19-2011, 03:02 PM
MiViLaLoco's Avatar
MiViLaLoco MiViLaLoco is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 117
MiViLaLoco is on a distinguished road
Default

You have a long road ahead of you my friend...

...unless you are able to somehow nip this in the bud now!

Have both of you been to the parenting through separation courses available? Hmmm...maybe they're not available where you are.

In Saskatchewan it is manditory that both parents attend (separately) a parenting through separation course. You are each given a certificate of completion that you must include with all documentation for divorce. No certificates...no divorce.

It was a tremendous help in our (my) case. My ex-husband did an almost 180 in his approach to our separation after taking the course.

Obviously she does not understand just how much harm she is doing not only to your daughter...but to you and your daughter's relationship.

Have you suggested joint counselling to her...since she has a background in that area it may help if someone in her "field" told her she is being over the top at the moment and letting unfounded fears control her behaviour. After all... "Don't be breakin' a shin on a stool that's not in your way." - Irish Proverb
  #10  
Old 08-19-2011, 03:19 PM
NBDad's Avatar
NBDad NBDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New Brunswick
Posts: 2,734
NBDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
1. First of all I need to know the address of the camper
2. you will agree to refrain from alcohol use at all times while caring for D6
3. you will agree that I am permitted to daily (private) contact with D6
4. you will agree that D6 is supervised at all times by someone over the age of 21
5. you will agree that D6 is only with family
6. you will agree that D6 is not left with strangers and not in any vehicle with no booster seat
/reply:

Dear Whackjob:

D6 will be looked after and cared for in an age appropriate fashion and in concert with the existing court order.

Love,

SuperDad


Personally...I wouldn't bother responding. If she has that much concern, let her haul you to court. If she tries that crap.... Did you contact CAS or other appropriate government agency? No??? I see...

*cough*Dismiss as frivilous litigation, request costs *cough*
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
From the Office of the Attorney General karmaseeker Divorce & Family Law 29 03-05-2012 09:55 PM
Ontario’s attorney general willing to consider allowing cameras in courts WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 1 04-19-2011 11:36 AM
I am new here and need to vent missy Introductions 0 06-29-2009 01:54 PM
Confused about Content of Form 25 Order (General). inlimbo Divorce & Family Law 4 05-01-2007 10:05 PM
Wanting to vent Fresh Starts Divorce Support 7 12-03-2005 08:28 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:06 AM.