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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-22-2011, 08:45 AM
MommaMouse MommaMouse is offline
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Default My ex is stealing my kids clothing!!

I have no idea what to do about this but I am at my wits end!! I have full custody but my kids go to their fathers every other weekend and once during the week. When they go they are fully clothed in clothes that are appropriate for the weather and fit. When they come home they have no socks, no underwear, my son is wearing girls clothes that are far too small for him, his older sister is wearing clothes that are far too small for her or out of season/just not appropriate. Just yesterday I picked them up and my son was wearing boxers and nothing else!! The way I figure it I'm losing one full set of clothes every week! I don't want to stoop to his level but I have no idea what to do about this!!
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Old 08-22-2011, 08:54 AM
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Ahhh, the complete immaturity and irresponsibility of it all...
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Old 08-22-2011, 09:28 AM
Nadia Nadia is offline
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What is he doing with the clothes, selling them to a second hand clothing store for few bucks? Holding on to them for sheer spite and because he knows it is the quickest way to upset you?

Whatever the reasoning or motivation, you could confront him in writing via email on both of the points that you make. Namely 1) The children are missing several clothes and 2) They are dressed inappropriately when you pick them up.

How old are your kids? My kids are young but have pretty strong opinions on what they are willing to wear. They will dress themselves for the most part. It is close to impossible to get them into anything they are determined not to wear.

Keep a record of what clothes are missing and how much you paid for them. Send him a list asking him to either return the clothes or pay for them so you can go out and buy some more for the kids.

Perhaps he has a pefectly reasonable explanation: "The clothes were lost when we went swimming?" "I tried to do the laundry and messed them up?" Or "I'm not a very observant person, I can't remember what the kids came in?" "I don't have a clue about "girl's clothes" or "boys clothes."

When my ex moved out, he had 15 of his friends help him pack up his stuff from our home. In the process the friends decided to pack up some of the kids clothes and take those too. I was pretty pissed off at the time, until a friend of mine suggested that his friends might have made a genuine mistake and thought they were his clothes. My ex is on the short side. This injected some much needed humour in what was a very stressful situation.

Last edited by Nadia; 08-22-2011 at 09:33 AM.
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Old 08-22-2011, 10:13 AM
MommaMouse MommaMouse is offline
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My kids are 4 and 5, my 5 year old tells me he wont let her dress herself. She has very strong opinions about what she wears and is usually upset when he sends her home in 'boy' clothes.
His explination so far has been that he can't afford to buy clothes (although he can aford to smoke and drink) I think he holds on to them for shear spite. His sister has a girl and boy both a year older than our two who gives him hand-me downs all the time.

Keeping a list of the cothes I send them in and the cost is a great idea, but what can I do with it if he refuses to return the clothes or refund me?
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Old 08-22-2011, 11:16 AM
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They go to him with only the clothes on their backs? And you have full custody? It sounds like he is just trying to ensure that they at least have a few changes of clothes when they are with him. That is your responsibility, and that is what he is paying you CS for. So his comment about not affording to pay for clothes seems quite informative and reasonable.

Last edited by dinkyface; 08-22-2011 at 11:18 AM.
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Old 08-22-2011, 11:45 AM
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I am an EOW parent. I rotate clothing so that what our daughter gets sent to us on Friday with, we keep until the next time we have her and send her home with it on the Sunday, so that way we always have 1 set of clothing, can wash it during the week and its normally not a problem. Though when I had more access before my ex moved away we would send clothing sometimes because my ex sent her in inappropriate clothing for the weather and never got it back. So I was paying full table amount child support and sending clothing to my ex that she claims never existed. Same goes with toys and stuff, my ex will scream bloody murder if our daughter chooses to leave something at our place, but I let our daughter take small toys to her moms at her will as the are HER TOYS. The clothing thing is frustrating, why can't you each cloth the hcild while they are in your care and then nobody gets hurt or anything like that.
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Old 08-22-2011, 12:04 PM
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Sorry dinkyface, but clothing the children is the parents responsibility, I may have full custody but he still has a responsibility to feed and cloth the children when they are in his care despite the fact that I get CS. He still is a parent. Otherwise where do we draw the line? Should I supply him with food, childrens advil, tooth brushes tooth paste? Soap, maybe I should buy toys for his house and gifts for him to give the kids?

Fireweb, it would be nice if he rotated the clothes so that the outfits eventually made it home but the fact is they don't. It has gotten to the point that my daughter wont wear her favorite clothes there cause she knows they wont come home and she likes to wear her favorites to school
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Old 08-22-2011, 12:25 PM
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We split our children pretty well 50/50...I buy all the clothes, give him half, and he splits the costs with me. They go in one set of clothing to each others houses, and return in another. They are wrinkled (but at least clean) when they are dads house because he doesn't care too much about that-but the kids (and more importantly me !) are learning that there are differences at dads vs moms house. As they get older, if they don't like it, they will have to learn to do their own laundry at dads house.

Can you send him an email and tell him you will give a couple of sets to get through the week-end in the children's bag, so they have clothing for the week-end but you want them all returned (even if dirty) so you can wash for the next visit ? It's going out of your way, but you might be able to get them back this way;.
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Old 08-22-2011, 12:36 PM
KeepSmiling KeepSmiling is offline
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A head shaker .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommaMouse View Post
Sorry dinkyface, but clothing the children is the parents responsibility, I may have full custody but he still has a responsibility to feed and cloth the children when they are in his care despite the fact that I get CS. He still is a parent. Otherwise where do we draw the line? Should I supply him with food, childrens advil, tooth brushes tooth paste? Soap, maybe I should buy toys for his house and gifts for him to give the kids?
If you receive full table support from your ex - YOU are responsible for clothing your child. Of course he is still a parent - but he pays you to supply the basic necessities. You draw the line based on common sense. come on now! Don't fall into his trap.
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Old 08-22-2011, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KeepSmiling View Post
A head shaker .....



If you receive full table support from your ex - YOU are responsible for clothing your child. Of course he is still a parent - but he pays you to supply the basic necessities. You draw the line based on common sense. come on now! Don't fall into his trap.
I agree - CS covers all clothing, it is your responsibility to buy the clothes (with your money and your ex's CS that he gives you)
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